If she can do it…(guest post).

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If she can do it, why can’t I?

I have been thinking about this….. a great deal lately…. the tendency to look around and compare myself to others, making myself small and feeling inadequate, instead of focusing on ME!!!!

And why shouldn’t I focus on me???

After all, it is I with whom I walk around daily on this planet…. it is I who I am left with, when all others depart…… and yet, from time to time… even more than that… moment to moment, I find myself looking at what SHE IS DOING!

She just ran an ultra-marathon and won…. third overall, She just competed in a fitness show and wowowowow! look at her abs, She just bought a BMW, she….. she….. she…..

WHO is SHE? and WHY AM I IN COMPETITION WITH HER?????

Every time I stop focusing on my goal and look at SHE, I am taking away from me….

This is using SHE as a measuring stick for me!  She is not my measuring stick!

The reality….. I can do ANYTHING I set my mind too…..

It is my attitude that determines the altitudes of success I will achieve….. and when I spend my time looking at she… I lose perspective of my success.

The reality: NO TWO PEOPLE ARE ALIKE… except maybe twins, and well, there are some differences there too….

The reality: YOU CANNOT COMPARE YOUR JOURNEY AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS TO ANOTHER…. each has a different body, a different journey and a different response.

The reality: YOU ARE UNIQUE!  That’s pretty cool!!!!  I like that…  i really, really like that!  (Say it out loud with me…. no shout it out…. I AM UNIQUE!)

What are you doing to develop your uniqueness?

What are you doing to be the best you?

I have been struggling as I am working with some very high-powered athletes, in each of their prospective levels. I am coaching some top high school girls who are in pursuit of college athletics.  I look at their achievements and sometimes feel glum… i have to remind myself that I am their coach and an integral part of these accomplishments.

I am training (my running partner) with a top long-distance runner…. and in my frustration and feelings of inadequacies this week… as I was running with Jeannette, she said… ‘you always kill me on the sprints.  whenever we are doing intervals or track work, i know i have to step it up a notch.’ ….. those few words and i felt like the queen of the track, because when I run with Jeannette, I have to step it up a notch… no room for slacking, she is that good…. but then I am too!

It is easy for me to look at my peers and get glum…. i am currently carrying more body fat than some….. i am struggling to get my fitness/physique back after a serious cycling accident… and it is easy to look at what isn’t than what is.   So, back to the drawing board…… and here is what is…..

I ran 137.55 km this month.  This is the furthest I have run since my accident.

I cycled 100 miles, and taught 8 spinning classes and performed 18 strength workouts.  I have dropped 2% body fat this month.  I gained seven pounds (might be the new scale).

I empowered myself to see a nutritionist to ensure all is right in my eating world.  I am going to be 43 in August, and I am excited that I will be as fit or fitter than I was last year this time, and look no older than 29.

I am a work in progress and i don’t need SHE to measure against!

So, why can’t I do it?  I can’t do it…. because I am spending soooooo much time looking around me, instead of focusing on where I want to be.

When I change my perspective, I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.

You can read more of meg’s musings at her blog and follow her on twitter @msjathletics

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Comments

  2. I can’t give enough high fives! This is something we all struggle with until we are truly comfortable in our own skin. Thx 4 the reminder. SHE got nothing on ME

  3. I love how us (supposed) “older women” are kicking-azz and getting fiery than we were in our youth. LOVE.IT!

    This post has encouraged me to get off my butt and do my morning push-ups I was gonna totally blow off today. ka-POW!

  5. I guess there are pro’s and con’s to comparing ourselves to others, right? I like to surround myself with people that are in better shape, the can lift heavier, bike faster, eat better….because they make me better. It sounds like you do the same.

    I, too, can spend too much time thinking/reading/researching and not enough time moving!

    Nevertheless, you clearly rock! Way to look back at your accomplishments and getting a glimpse of YOUR future!

  8. Meg, this is so perfectly worded “I am a work in progress and i don’t need SHE to measure against!”

    Congratulations on being an inspiration to all of us and for reminding us that we are our own, as MizFit reminds us often, SUPERHERO!

  9. Great post! This is such a terrible trap to get caught in because it minimizes everything you do. But such an easy one too, especially if you see someone that isn’t even working “as hard” as you at whatever and they seem to be having more success. I need to remember every time my thoughts stray down this path that I am probably a SHE to someone else!

  10. Beautiful and inspiring and real.

    Every day- usually multiple times every day- I have to remind myself not to compare myself to SHE. And I love Helen’s notion of how we’re all SHE to someone else.

  11. Such a great post! I needed this ppost! I compare myself to others WAY TOO MUCH & need to stope that. Yes, I do focus on myself too BUT I spend too much time on that other stuff.. thank you!

  12. great post! it’s so easy to fall to the comparison, it’s important to remember we each have our unique strengths 🙂

  13. I have this same problem! I look at people like Jill Mills and Carol-Ann Myers and I think, “I’ll never be able to lift that much weight!!”

    But then I remember…

    In my late 30’s, after having six babies and getting really out of shape, I got back in the gym. Six years later, just this past weekend…

    I WON FIRST PLACE IN MY FIRST POWERLIFTING COMPETITION!!!

    I’m still not lifting like those pros, but I’m lifting more than I ever have before, and my bodyfat went from a whopping 36% down to 20% in the process. I can even run (a short distance) for the first time in my life.

    Those other women can inspire me, but I will be happy about what I can do. 🙂

  14. LOL, I sometimes have that 50 Cent song going through my head: If I can’t do it, homie, it can’t be done…and I’m not a high-powered athlete but I like my tenacity.

  15. Just coming back from a serious accident is a major accomplishment! And getting back on the bike, after a bike accident? Pretty amazing!

    I find I have to stop and ask myself a few questions when I start comparing myself to other women: Is she raising 2 kids with Autism (and doing a pretty darn good job, if I do say so myself)? Why am I assuming her life is perfect? Would I switch my life with hers? (No.)
    That usually helps me get back on track.

  16. I almost cried when I read this.

    I loved that line…WHO IS SHE and WHY AM I IN COMPETITION WITH HER!?!?!?!?!

    Oh goodness. I need to remind myself that every 5 minutes or so!

  17. I am so bad at comparing myself to others. I now go to the gym, to get myself (focusing on me) to where I want to be but, I can’t help looking at the others and comparing. They may be now where I want to be now but, I need to remember that I have just started my journey and they may have been at theirs for a long time.

  18. Yes, each of us is unique, and the only person to conquer is ourselves. A young man named Lionel taught me that.

    He is very gifted in music, but no athlete. Yet each year he is on the swim team. He is always last in every race, but he loves it and keeps coming back.

    One time, he started a race by himself, as the only other person in that heat did not show up at the start time, and it couldn’t wait. He was more than halfway across the pool when his competitor realized he had missed the start and ran over and dove in.

    Everyone believed that finally Lionel would win a heat, but no. The other kid caught up and passed him, even though he had more than half a lap lead.

    Upon getting out of the water, Lionel did not look at the other kid, he looked up at the timer board. Then he screamed, “Yes, I beat my own best time! Yes!” He was thrilled.

    Whenever I feel inadequate next to another person, I think about Lionel.

  19. I agree with Joanna, I like hanging with people who have achieved what I want to achieve, or are that much further along and where I want to be – it makes me step up my game… it challenges me and keeps things from getting dull…

    But – I DO go into comparison mode more often than I’d like to admit.

    This is such a great reminder to look at my own progress more often and keep that in mind as I move forward… I’m not standing still – even though sometimes it feels like it.

  20. Thank the Lord we’re all different… life would be pretty boring otherwise!

    I wonder if “she” and “they” know each other? Between the
    2 of them…they… are perfect!!

    Not having that focus, goal or destination in mind can turn your (my) attention from me to SHE very quickly…regular goal assessment is helpful!

    Thanks for the inspiration and great reiminder!
    Would you mind if I printed your article and shared it with friends?

    Cheers

  22. I love this. I spent a long time measuring my success by she and they. Now, I look at my life and it’s parts and feel genuinely happy with what I’ve accomplish and what I’m on track to continue to accomplish. With age, I realized that I can do anything I set my mind to – but the level of effort to achieve some of those super lofty goals? Maybe I’m happier having a little more around the midsection and a little slower pace on my run and maybe making a little less money if it means I can also have a fun and balanced life as well.

  24. Great message, Meg! And thanks, Miz, for hosting Meg’s timely post.

    I’ve found comparison to be a double-edged sword. It can be really inspiring to see others, especially those facing difficulties similar to mine, achieve their goals. When I start comparing in a competitive way–“Hey! SHE started after me, and she’s blown past me on the way to that goal!”–that’s when I find myself feeling dissatisfied. Like Meg said, that’s when I need to turn my focus back to running my OWN race.

    Another thing that helps is reminding myself that everyone has a life struggle that might not be apparent to others. She might have something I want, but she might have had to pay a price that I am unable or unwilling to pay. Or she may be facing an unrelated life struggle that renders the thing I’m envying very small consolation in the grander scheme of things.

  25. Great post Meg – I know I’m guilty of doing this all the time and it’s hard to reframe my thinking to focus on my successes rather than feeling defeated for not meeting someone elses.

  27. I love the two questions in this post: 1. What are you doing to develop your uniqueness? and 2. What are you doing to be the best you? I’ll be thinking over these on the weekend (might be a future blog post in it…)

    I believe comparisons come from a need to feel validated about ourselves. It is too easy to look a person’s success and twist it into a reflection of our failures when really, we should be looking at the bigger picture. That the other person is totally worthy of their success…. When I start to do this (compare myself) I remind myself not to be so shallow, and see that SHE is not a SHE at all, but a real person who’s worked hard to get there.

    Great post – got me thinking…

  28. Amen!! I kept nodding my head as I read this post. I am just recently seeing how much I compare myself to others and training myself not to do it. To focus on me, on what I am instead of what I’m not.

    Truly, we need to focus ourselves on our own path in order to meet our goals and fulfill our dreams.

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