Im LEANING BACK…

by

For today I shall AVOID all controversy over the book LEAN IN.

We’ve chatted about it a bit over on the book of the FACE and, in a way, it feels as though we’re flogging a dead horse at this point.

My short, misfit version is wondering if it isnt time for men to grow a little LESS confident and lean *back* in the workplace.

Which, now that I reread, mightcould be why I do best as a work-at-home woman even long before the Tornado.

And with that Im back on track again.

The Tornado.

This child is growing at a rapid, rapid rate.

I can barely tell her hands from mine.

I can barely tell her hand from mine.

These days, as non-intellectual as it may seem, I hear the title: Lean In and immediately burst forth with:

Now lean back, lean back, lean back, lean back.  Do the Roc-away.

Instead of a call to feminist-action the title, for me, has become a reminder of whats important in my life.

A summons to (keep doing what Im doing &) *not* forget the levity and love in my life.

A reminder of the fact Ill never be on my death bed wishing Id sent out just one more brand pitch or worked a little later at night.

Lately LEANING BACK has been a challenge.

Ive not been the mother I aspire to and, while Id like to blame it all on allergies, most of the blame settles squarely on my shoulders.

Today Im leaning back. 

Im not fretting about getting ahead or charging the workplace. 

Im turning up the tunes, dancing with the child and letting all else fall where it may.

I can do that.  For sure.   For today.

 

 

Two women I adore are turning THIRTY.  It’s today’s BIRTHDAY post I wrote for them which prompted my remembering to Roc-away.  Happy Birthday Lori and Michelle & thank you for making me remind myself what’s important.

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Comments

  2. I haven’t read the book but want to. I saw too many women in my former life who gave everything to their job. I believe in being passionate about your work and working hard but not at the expense of life.

  4. I did that this weekend – it hit me that I didn’t feel like stressing over any of the minutia that needed to be done. I slowed down and spent time with my bf and my pup – something I never do. Who cares how many tasks you can cross off that to -do list. It’s the time with people you love that really matters.

  8. I have to try to balance both…especially when it can get me into trouble lol…oh, to be opinionated especially in the workplace!

  10. Before my little ladies were born, I was a kindergarten and 1st grade teacher. For me, teaching isn’t a typical 9 to 5er. It’s all consuming. I dream about my students.

    I made the choice to stay home when my ladies were born because if I try to give my all to work and home, neither would get what they deserve. MY kids are my everything. The kids in my class are SOMEONE’S everything. Career-wise, I lose out. I’ll have less seniority and less retirement saved than other teachers my age when/if I go back, but my life is much more important in the long run.

  11. I can’t wait to get home from my race/trip to So Cal so that I can hug & squeeze my girls – enjoy your day with the Tornado!

  12. I read her book and really enjoyed it.
    I think the next generation of women do not understand what a gift equality (such as it is) is to them because they did not work for it.

  14. Well said!!! As much as I want to accomplish in my life I find that in the end the only things that truly matter for me are my family, especially my kids. Everyone always asks why I just became a nurse (which happens to be a very rewarding career) and not a doctor. It is not for lack of my capabilities, but in the long run the choice came down to the amount of time I would have to spend away from my family and it just wasn’t worth for me. I too would like to lean back with you.

  15. I love this. I’ve noticed recently, now that they’re all in school, I feel this compulsion (yes that strong) to fill all the hours they’re out of the house with work. Then I noticed all of my mom stuff was slipping and so did they. No more hot breakfast, very little help with homework. Project supplies forgotten. Soon enough they won’t need any of this and I’ll feel sad I missed my chance to provide it when I could.
    I’m deciding one day will still be “domestic day”, the day that even if I’m not with kids 24-7, I will do things to keep my home. THIS is why I chose to leave the real salary and take on freelance work at home. So that I could be HOME. I often feel guilty about that choice, like I’m a bad feminist or something. Then I see you, strong ass woman you, declare she’s leaning back and it makes me want to do the Roc-away too.:) So, I thank you and so do my kids.

  16. I’ve been leaning back more often than not as of late so that I can focus more on all of my relationships, including the one I have with myself. It’s been such a great exercise for me…and one that I will continue to work on.

    xo

  17. I have not read the book but I know it isn’t for me. No leaning here. Just working daily to stand tall and lifting with my legs (both real and figuratively) to lift up (others and myself).

  19. It’s all about a person’s own priorities. If career success is your biggest priority, by all means go for it. For me, career is just one part of my life. My job is a necessity; gotta pay the bills. I do want to enjoy my work, and be successful at it, to be proud of what I accomplish, but it is not my whole life. Other things are more important to me. I don’t feel bad about that.

  21. I find that in order to stay same I must waive away all that is the outside world and lean ALL THE WAY back and just laugh, smile and sometimes giggle with my child! This past week it has actually been all that seems to make me feel comforted inside!

  23. your recent turn to the rap side with the ceiling can’t hold us and such has me wondering if Oakland is changing you 😉 hehe.

    I haven’t this book yet, so I really had no concept what it was about. There is another book I like about changing your life and it’s about leaning in to change. So instead of jumping in to say vegan living, you make one small change and just keep slowly leaning in to it. I like that idea.

    • I know you didnt intend this but your comment made me realize there’s so much I dont share here.
      At one point I fancied myself the FREESTYLE RAPPING PHENOM THE SEMITIC SENSATION 🙂

      Rap and hip hop are my first loves 🙂

  24. I always preferred working for a female resident in med school. Less ego stuff to deal with in my experience.

    I am afraid, however, that the expression “having your cake and eating it to” too often applies to women in the workplace.

  27. While I haven’t read the book, I absolutely and completely agree with this. I was just talking about this with a friend – about the need to lean back versus lean in. I know for me, I just don’t have the energy per se to try to do everything and all of it but would rather focus my energy on those things that matter.

  28. I am not hip as I have never heard that song, but I am standing tall.
    I don’t lean at all.

    I did enjoy the book, though.

  29. I made the decision to ‘lean back’ about 12 years ago. As tempting as it somedays seems, I’m happy not being a ‘career girl’ and instead, fitting in snippets of work that fulfill me, in between the joys of caring for my family and raising my children. (Although I’d appreciate it if they’d stop showing their appreciation by bringing home colds and flus…)

  30. I would go crazy if all I had was workouts and family. My career is more than “working”. Providing kids with the very act of what we are about (communication in some form) has been probably the most rewarding part of my life. (other than watching my daughter fly off to her passions).
    I also HAD to work as there was a mortgage, car payment and food to put on the table. No one else was bringing home a paycheck when she was little-so it was up to me to do it, and no I wasn’t going to rely on government assistance to “help” me.
    I worked my career in with raising a wonderful daughter and finding time for other important things-like play and relationships.
    There is no reason NOT to have both and have them well.
    This is what the book is about-to me anyway.

  31. leaning back … i had never thought about that. i’m all for women advancing in the workplace, but a lot of the ‘lean in’ movement seems to be saying, ‘act like men more.’ that frustration, coupled with my own wish to not let work take over my life (easier said than done) is causing me to reflect on that mythical ‘work-life balance’ thing. work always tends to pull me in, but i guess i will have to effortfully avoid getting sucked into my overflowing inbox… and other work-related things.

    re: depression, i always feel weird and/or selfish working on improving my mental health (or whatever you want to call it), but as someone wise once told me, “it’s not selfish to ask for what you need.” if you’re not feeling well, everything just seems off-kilter, and relationships and work suffer, and that’s no good.

  33. They definitely grow at a rapid pace! Mine is going to be 13 real soon. Bittersweet. Cherish. Cherish. Cherish. And definitely Lean back faaaaaaarrrrr. 😉

  34. I leaned back for a little bit this weekend and it was great. My best friend came to visit from Boston and even though I had to work Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I spent my free time hanging out with her and trying to relax. Being in college and having two jobs, two internships, and five classes worth 20 credits has been overwhelming and I always forget to learn how to relax and let go. I’ll have to read this book it sounds great.

  35. Love this. I’m going to work hard but lean back when the day is done, and spend time with people I love doing things that are good for me. I’m also leaning over to give you a hug!!!

  36. For me, the expression “lean in” refers to emotional vulnerability (see: willingness to be) and overcoming our fears, specifically, recognizing where we are in *this* moment and embracing what we’re feeling. That might relate to motherhood, career, or any other facet of life. Not so much a ‘having it all’ but having what’s in front of me NOW and recognizing/appreciating it. And, if necessary, figuring out a way to ‘lean in’ (as opposed to oppress) and get past it. So I think my ‘lean in’ and your ‘lean back’ are similar?

  38. I’ve been leaning back a lot lately. What gives me joy is spending time with my family, watching my little boy grow, baking and working out.

    The distance lately has given me a chance to reflect and realize that it is okay to have bad days, but that I need to find the joy in my life and seize it. As much as I possibly can.

  39. I am so out of the loop on the subject of this book. Maybe that’s because I’ve been leaning back and taking care of myself – and spending less time at the computer.

  41. I don’t know if it’s my age (45), my ongoing battle with depression, or my general exhaustion, but I just can’t get worked up about getting ahead at work. Work is what I do to fund my life but it’s not my life, and I just can’t seem to forget that.

  42. I’ve learned that family, especially my children are the most important blessings in my life. Of course money is needed, but if it’s possible to spend more time with them, I’ll lean back and do that.

  43. I tend to not take work seriously all the time (including chores) and I am very blessed that I don’t have to. My husband is the breadwinner of the house and allows me to be the fun one.
    I think it is great to be involved and make memories with the Littles as much as possible.

  45. I haven’t read the book, but was glad to step away from an office job and live life on my terms. Being a Mom, a cook, gardener and writer suits me better. I could care less about feminism… I believe in happiness.

  46. I haven’t read the book, but was glad to step away from an office job and live life on my terms. Being a Mom, a cook, gardener and writer suits me better. I could care less about feminism… I believe in happiness.

  47. That is what I did. I was a mess last year trying to do to much and it totally burned me out. I am leaning back and enjoying life and my family more than ever. Even took a vacation with just me and the kids (hubby had to work) for the first time. It was great!

  49. Love this Carla! I haven’t read the book and have no desire to. We’re all doing the best we can with what we’ve got. I like the poster’s comment, I could care less about feminism, I believe in happiness. Amen! Let’s all turn-up the music and rock out Tornado style!

  50. As a work at home mom I understand the guilt you feel. It’s a beautiful day out, we should be out riding her new quad. Instead she is stuck inside because I’m desperately behind. It’s a delicate balance, one that is hard to keep and I find that I’m always lacking in one department or another.

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