I’m pretty prideful about the fact I ask for what I need.
Specifically, clearly & in the moment.
For some reason it’s always been pretty clear to me if I don’t ask I won’t receive.
I can’t read your mind or intuitively know what you want—why on earth would I assumed you’d be able to do that for me?
(I’ve also learned asking isn’t a guarantee I’ll get what I seek, but if I don’t ask it’s practically a guarantee I wont.)
So I ask.
You’ll never wonder what’s on my mind.
Long day of work and feeling insecure about content I’ve created?
“Tell me I rock & my words are amazing! Say something like: You’re too close to see how good it is!”
All gussied up for a presentation and feeling a little awkwardtastic?
“Tell me I look bad-ass and yet completely like myself. Remind me I feel wonky because I rarely get dressed up”
Working 24/7 but still bringing home the bacon in the form of…tiny bacons?
“Tell me it’s not always about the money. Remind me it’s about the people we meet and help along the way.”
- I clearly ask for what I need.
- I offer examples the other person might use/say back to me.
- I receive/listen.
- I’m utterly content.
The only problem I encounter is my lack of brevity.
My ability to capture what I want in words may be commendable, but the
longass circuitous way I go about it is not.
I lose people as I ramble.
This became clear to me recently as I searched for the laundry tag in a newly purchased piece of clothing.
laundry, cleaning, food prep = adulting?
I located the tag, skimmed it, and quickly knew how to care for my leggings.
It dawned on me I wasn’t the same way and, if I couldn’t ‘laundry tag’ my emotional wants, perhaps I didn’t grasp them well enough.
Perhaps *I* should invest time distilling them to their most basic essence—for me.
And this is what I came up with:
It was challenging to catalog my most basic emotional desires in a terse enough fashion they’d metaphorically fit on a hang-tag.
It forced me to prioritize.
I began with a veritable laundry list (to beat a metaphor to death) and eliminated from there.
What did I learn from this exercise?
- Be clear and concise—in all facets of life. The exercise was a reminder if I don’t know exactly what I want or need no one else will either. I become frustrated with people not offering me what I need, yet it hadn’t occurred to me I wasn’t telling them in words they could understand. Non-verbose ones, anyway.
- Be bold and brazen. It’s easy with the laundry tag exercise to think “I’d want that and I’d put it on my tag, but in reality it wont happen. I’ll leave it off.” You may be right, but not articulating/asking for what you need guarantees you wont receive.
- It’s a mini-vision board. Ive begun visualizing my ‘tag’ hanging on the insides of my clothing (I’m crazy that way). Through doing this I’m consistently sending the world/my people cues as to what I desire from them. It has already begun flowing back to me.
- Don’t settle for what’s offered...when you’ve not asked for what you desire! In this exercise we’re addressing emotional needs, yet the concept is applicable throughout our lives. ASK. Clearly state what you want. Don’t settle for only what’s offered to you.
- Read other people’s labels. When we are empathetic we feel connected. When Ive launched women’s groups I’ve consistently heard lamented a general feeling of disconnect. We’re all in this together. Make the time to read the tags of the important people in your life.
I learned lots about myself through doing this exercise.
I forced myself to identify what contributes to my emotional wellness (when trimming my list I’d weigh with regards to importance to me, eliminate the lesser & continue) and realized I’d not really known before after-all.
Even with all my verbose rambling.
- If you created a self-care laundry tag—what would it say?
- Please tell me you, too, have ceased reading real laundry tags and cram everything in the washer at once?