4 ways to build resilience.

by

The ability to bounce back is a crucial life-skill.

I’ve written about grit.

I’ve yammered about being brazen.

Lately, however, the focus here has veered away from both those things and careened toward the concept of resilience.

Nothing exemplifies the tween years more than unexpected friendship breakups, misunderstandings, and unrequited affections.

Un. Un. Un.

And, whether you’re 11 or 47 nothing overcomes the UN like possessing the ability to be resilient.

Resilience is what helps us to rebound when faced with stress and struggles. It’s our ability to spring back from difficult experiences and to recover quickly.

Setbacks happen to all of us—it’s how we handle them which defines who we are. Those who choose to learn and grown from (seemingly) negative experiences consistently emergeĀ from them stronger than before.

The key to this? Resilience.

Teaching ourselves to be resilient is the same as strengthening any other muscle.

It occurs when we make the conscience choice to work on/strengthen the psychological traitĀ beforeĀ our lives demand it.

When we build these skills before they’re needed they areĀ readywillingandable to come together and help us move through adversity/bounce back in a healthy way.

Dance with fear.

Resilience can seem challenging when we gather courage, attempt something outside of our comfort zone, and (for lack of a better word): fail. It’s during these times fear sidles up next to us and whispers in our ears: “I told you you couldn’t do this. I knew it was beyond your reach.”

It’s in these moments, if we are ever to acquire the skill of bouncing back, we need to befriend fear, dance with her and bring her along with us the very next time weĀ LEAP.

Live mindfully.

When we choose to ruminate and rehash situations in our mind–we are definitely gazing in that rearview mirror. And, for those who may have forgotten, there’s a reason why that windshield is huge and the rearview so diminutive.

When we make the conscious decision to live mindfully/remain present we become solely focused on the now. We find ourselves immersed in life and unable to rehash or overly-reflect. For me launching my morning with a meditation practiceĀ facilitates my carrying this mindful habit into my day. Mindful living isn’t perfect-living, but it helps me come close to forgetting about the challenge or failure upon which I may have otherwise (mindlessly) ruminated.

Solve struggles.

This is easier said typed than done. Ā Just keep in mind solving/bouncing back happens when we make theĀ effortĀ andĀ it’s not necessary we identify a solution on our first attempt. Research indicates those who brainstorm solutions to strugglesĀ (AKA work that resilience muscle through practice!) are better able to cope when life throws unexpected problems their way. Feel a ‘failure’ coming on? Try different approachesĀ now in effort to change the outcome.

Seize any opportunity to head-off struggles and discover/maintain problem solving approaches which work for you.

Tell your brain a story.

Our cranium craves stories. In essence, when we consciously instruct our brains to look on the bright side of a scenarioĀ eventually it comes to believe what we’re ‘saying.’

The brain bounces back.

Dwelling and repeatedly telling ourselves “We’re stuck. We’re failures. We can’t do this.”Ā  only serves to weaken our ability to be resilient.

Thankfully, the non-tween around here hasn’t needed her resiliency-muscle too much lately.

A fact which is all the more reason I’m choosing to invest timeĀ strengthening it now (*flexes*) before it’s needed.

Just in case.

And you?

  • When the path you’re on gets bumpy—how are you able to bounce back?

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Comments

  1. OMG YES!!!!! This is exactly what happened to me in Cuba and, I have learned by now how to turn in around but, it’s never easy. I guess that’s why they call it “resilience!” I wish I could build a little less lately šŸ™‚
    I so needed to read this. Thank you!

  2. I work in cardia rehab and we have a speaker come in who chats about resilience with the patients. I like to sit in on it every time she does it because I take a valuable piece of it with me each time.

  4. This is perfect for us right now! With a 10 and almost 12 year old, we are working on resilience in SO many areas šŸ™‚

  6. I think you self-talk is so important to resilience. If you see the set-back as a bump in the road vs. proof that you’re a failure you will find it much easier to recover.

  7. I like to think I’m a good “bouncer”. Maybe because the resilience muscle has gotten a good workout over the years. What’s challenging to me is seeing these kids develop theirs.

  9. What a great post Carla! Tweens and adults and the elderly,resiliency needs to be courted, seduced, encouraged in realistic ways.

  10. When things went pear shaped for a while in my marriage, what I realized it impacted on the most was my resilience. I needed to rebuild it based on who I authentically was – not on my husband, or my circumstances. Once it goes, it takes a fair amount of flexing to get back – but I’m pretty good now šŸ™‚

  11. After all the times I have had to “bounce back” ..I am a little bruised…however I keep doing it. I don’t even know how I do it anymore. But I come from a long line of strong women and I am one. I live by this..”throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack.”

  12. such wise words, as always. building resilience is such a life skill… we talk about this in school all the time and how we could can help foster this!

  13. Love this! With so many in our immediate family, there is inevitably at least one who is ‘going through something rough’. Resilience is the only way we survive! ‘Always look on the bright side of life’ is our family motto. Not always easy. But always worth it!

  14. I’ve always been drawn to the topic of resilience, but especially since working with teens who have overcome obstacles and leveraged their own resilience to support other teens. To hear their stories is halting enough, but to see how such a strength evolves into empathy is amazing.

    You can do miraculous things when you’ve learned what you’re capable of overcoming.

  15. Much yes to this. I think of all the “yuck” I went through as a tween and how I just. got. through. it. whereas I tried to rescue my kids from probably too much “yuck.” Resilience is indeed the biggest of assets.

  18. Do you remember those blow-up clown dolls w sand in the bottom, that you knocked over and they just bounced back up? I often feel like that’s me, every day. Thanks for making me feel like that’s not only normal, but a good attitude to have.

  19. Lots of people tell me I have the ability to bounce back from one tragedy after the other, and I do. I think it comes from role reversing with my mother when I was 12. She had a total breakdown when my father died and stayed in her room with the shades pulled, on valium. If I hadn’t ridden my bicycle to the store for groceries; seen to it the yard was mowed and gotten a new battery in mother’s car, I don’t know who would have stepped forward to care for us. Surviving is what I do because the option is unthinkable. Brenda

  20. I am working on this exact topic with my teen. Resilience is something that needs to be practiced and my daughter is having lots of opportunities to do that lately. Maybe that is a good thing for the long run.

  23. The favor fear one is interesting… I hadn’t thought of it in that way before. I think a big part of it for me also has been practice- practicing the bounce back, and also the models I had as a kid, watching adults in my life practicing resilience as well.

  25. I’ve never felt particularly resilient and worried it’s been a weakness of mine, however I do think it’s something I’ve improved on a little. I still fall in a heap but am quicker to get up and move on now.

    A lot of it for me is about that story you tell yourself (point 4)… I can usually remind myself that I’m catastrophising or something and realise things aren’t as bad as they seem which helps me to bounce back.

Trackbacks

  2. […] Mom to Mom Nutrition 7 Healthy Eating Habits I’m Teaching My KidsĀ via Jenna Braddock 4 Ways to Build ResilienceĀ via Carla Birnberg If You’re Starting From Scratch {On Health}Ā via Healthy Slice of Life […]

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