View from the backseat (guest post).

by

In life, there are no guarantees.  No matter how much we set goals, focus, commit, plan, and forge ahead, the detours still happen.  It’s about the journey, not the destination is a good metaphor but hard to appreciate, especially traveling in the fast lane. 

A core belief of mine is the words we use and the meanings we attached to them, guide our path.  I start each year with a single word. This year, I knew, the word had to be big and bold.  Transformation came to mind first, but it wasn’t strong enough.  My word for 2013 is Metamorphosis.  I have to think when I write it because of the spelling alone.

Over the last few months in blog land, “through the windshield” posts from Tara, Karen, and Carla rocked my world, to say the least.

It was instrumental in my decision to break off my relationship with my blog of over 4 years, Big Girl Bombshell.  It had become toxic  for me.  I wasn’t being truthful with who I was deep inside and I was searching for validation outside myself.  Trying to fit in and measure up to something that seemed to go against my belief of myself.  I started seeking things to invalidate me.

As hard as I tried, my vision through the windshield was less than clear. When I first read those windshield posts, I thought, “Yeah, I do check my rear view mirror often, but it is what I see clearly.” “My view through the windshield is covered with road grime and smashed bugs that got in my way.” But one day, after washing my windshield, I wrote my own post and the first sentence showed me my own truth.

Mindfulness is not just being in the moment, but paying attention to our surroundings and being aware of just how we fit into the scenarios.

After that post of mine, reminders of my own belief about motivation kept showing up.  We have to being moving toward something we imagine as good, rather than just moving away from something bad, to keep us from running out of gas.

Moving forward, seeing what is in front of us, rather than constantly looking at the rear view mirror is a great analogy but when I started to look deeply at my own view, I realized, Big Girl Bombshell was driving and I was in the backseat.  I no longer fit into the scenario.  I was only along  for the ride.

From the backseat, the windshield view is blocked and you have no rear view mirror to rely on.  If leaves you disconnected from the trip and your surroundings. With only side mirrors to look out of, you only catch fast glimpses of what is passing you by.

Luckily, for me, some Carla road signs came into clear view when I got in my car recently.

  1. Paying Rent –  I pride myself on my giving nature.  I volunteer and tithe monthly to charities and giving to others so they can enjoy something they wouldn’t give themselves.  But, I left someone in the back seat, while out paying my rent.
  2.  First Appointment of the Day –  before I started blogging as Big Girl Bombshell, my first appointment of the day was Morning Pages.  Over 10 years of practice, which was my form of meditation, got tossed by the wayside to write, read, comment, or check-in with others blogs, facebook, and twitter – looking for inspiration from the outside…not within.
  3. Earworms – I sought, even pursued the words of others to become my earworms only to leave the most important earworm, my inner voice, to shrivel.
  4. No Excuses Exercise – this was so powerful for me when I first did it.  I could see clearly, or so I thought, what my excuses were.   What it became was an added excuse to what I really wanted.  I fell into the trap of holding myself back until I could lose weight and fit in. Then and only then could  I could do the bigger things I wanted. This exercise needs repeating as our life unfolds.
  5. Branding based on Core Values – while trying to maneuver the road to fitness and weight loss, I lost sight of my core values.   My core values of family, generosity, people first, unconditionally love and caring, and spirituality.
  6. Play-Outs —  I understood this concept but only tried to apply it to exercise.  I forgot to play with the rest of my life, especially my art.  Diet mentality clouded my creative mentality.
  7. Living my priorities – trying to support and live the Big Girl Bombshell life I had created went against my priorities.  While I preached “It’s the attitude, not the scale!” Ignoring my priority, of what we look like doesn’t matter as what we act like and how we treat others, because the scale gave me a different opinion.
  8. Fly your Freak Flag – feeling good about and at peace with who you are means being transparent.  I was trying to fit into an image that did not mesh with what I believed.  I thought I couldn’t be at peace with who I am because of my body size.
  9. Be Your Own Super Hero –  Super heroes are heroes because of what they stand for.  I didn’t like that I still hid because I haven’t lost weight, so that made me a liar, a fake, and no willpower. Yes..I still cared how others would view me, instead of looking at how I viewed myself.  My own mission statement was to inspire, encourage, and support others to see their own potential through my creative, spiritual and honest example.  I didn’t live up to that so how could I be my own superhero.
  10. Unapologetically Yourself – BEST.ROADSIGN.EVER…….This is the exit where I get off and start a new road trip.

I created a new blog that is more in line with who I am.  .  Phenomenal Living at julesjoyce.net   Based on the feeling I got, when over 15 years ago, a dear friend gave me a copy of Maya Angelou’s poem “Phenomenal Woman” She told me it described me perfectly.

The feeling of validation when I hear the words – “I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size” and “ they try so hard but they can’t touch my inner mystery”  is indescribable.  I am jules, a phenomenally, phenomenal woman…just.as.I.am.

The most ironic part of my real life road trips….I own a convertible.  I bought it to celebrate who I am and to enjoy the freedom of the road with the music blaring.  Time to get back to that!

 

Jules Joyce, blogger, writer, virtual assistant, artist, and formerly Big Girl BombshellNow…just living the phenomenal life — an Artistic Way to Wellness

POSTS BY EMAIL

Never miss a post. Enter your email to get my latest posts delivered to your inbox.

Comments

  1. Excellent post.

    Blogging is wonderful but can hem us in to the expectations of our readers. Love that you created a new space on the internet that is more YOU.

  2. So awesome that as you tried to come to terms with where you wanted to be and what you wanted to do with your blog you were able to get so much inspiration from Carla’s blogs – just another example of how great the blogging community is!!

    • Thank you….from a fan of yours! Your contemplative fitness taught me to focus on FORM…for me it includes the thoughts to words I form…gets consistent with practice!

  4. Jules, I SO loved this post. (Thanks, Carla, for having her!)

    It’s a joy seeing you “bloom” at your new site. It feels so authentic.
    And I can relate to much of what you wrote here. It helped put into focus some of the feelings I’ve been having about not wanting to write on my own “health/wt loss” blog lately. When I try to share about my discoveries or lessons, it seems to irritate those who tend to judge by the “numbers”, and they can’t understand why I am taking so long to “get it”. I do have a lot of squirrelly thinking to overcome, I’ll admit. That seems to bring out the “tough love” comments. And so I lost the joy… became my own worst critic, editing myself and losing authenticity.

    Your post here has helped me to decide something… I will continue to document my journey, for myself, in the most honest way I can, but simply turn off the comments! (duh, why didn’t I think of that before, LOL!)

    I loved your list of Road Signs, and even recall reading some of them as they whizzed by. 🙂
    Thanks for the inspiration… it feels like something inside has unclenched…

  5. Wow! What an honest and great post! I really appreciate how open you were. That takes a lot of courage but reminds readers of blogs that not everyone is exactly who they are in words but they are a greater part of humanity and that being said, blog writers are human. I loved the line you quoted from one of your posts, “We have to being moving toward something we imagine as good, rather than just moving away from something bad, to keep us from running out of gas.” I definitely won’t forget that.

  6. AMAZING POST JULES!!!!! I agree, all the talk of the rear view mirror, Carla’s posts & FB thoughts & others – Karen. I have not read Tara. My post today sort of stemmed from what you wrote here AND a couple emails with Carla. I love this part of your post although I love it all:

    We have to be moving toward something we imagine as good, rather than just moving away from something bad, to keep us from running out of gas.

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!!!!

    • thank you karen! I can’t wait to meet and hug you in Portland too…Yes, I will be there…part of the whole road trip plan….hope to have the top down most of the drive! 🙂

  10. I’ve been thinking about the windscreen / rear vision mirror for a while and NOW you bring the backseat into the analogy. Jules, you really try to f*ck with my head. As a control freak NOT being in the driver’s seat adds a whole new dimension to the road trip (was gonna say ‘journey’ but was worried I’d sound like an American Idol contestant!).

    This whole thing is really gonna need some more pondering….

    • yes..Deb..we do have one of those love hate make me think kind of blog relationships don’t we…can’t wait to read your thoughts!

  12. Good luck with your new adventure! Yay you! We all just have to keep trying new things, see which ones work out, move on from the things that don’t, embrace the things that do, and have a few laughs along the way,right? :)Change can be hard but really satisfying too. Can’t wait to check out your new site. Heading there now!
    Gaye

  14. Thanks Jules
    You have just helped me put my current work-life balance in perspective. It is too easy doing what is expected of us (or what we expect of ourselves) and forget what is really important in life.
    Good luck for the future.

    Andy

  17. Very insightful post. I agree, when your looking through your windshield moving toward what you want, it energizes you. Always looking back in the rear view mirror leaving what you don’t want only energizes you up to a point. We need to stay focused on what we want.

    There are no good views from the back seat.

Trackbacks

  1. […] I had the honor of being a guest of the phenomenal Carla, about my view from the backseat.  That view has prompted so much changes; such as working the Artist Way again and reminding myself […]

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This