Girls wearing bikinis.

by

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competing.  one of FEW bikini-clad moments.

It was the summer after senior year of high school and the start of those months where I lived at home under parent-rules, yet knew I’d soon be gone and creating my own.

I can’t remember why I involved my mom in the bathing suit shopping (typical teen wanting to wrangle her into paying? honestly looking for an opinion?), but decades after that summer her words that day remain with me.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

This was my summer of the real boyfriend.

I was convinced he was the one and, to give my younger-self credit, even with 20/20 hindsight I can see how I’d believe that.

(different-colleges, long distance never works, tumultuous break-up was to come. story for a different day.)

I share that tidbit because I vaguely recall some sort of boyfriend tie-in to our shopping excursion.

I was a life guard. I owned plenty of Speedos.  I wanted something different.

And yep. To purchase said different, I brought my mom (laughing along with me? smiling? is this quintessential ROOTS when it should’ve been wings?!).

I ostensibly invited her for her swimsuit-opinion and the thoughts she shared have influenced me in greater ways than what I wear in water.

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filled with youthful optimism.

The scene was this:

String bikini. Me. Whipped open curtain to dressing room.  Stood. Waited to see my Mom’s response.

You look great, but no. It’s too adult.

My reaction to her words surprises me even more now I’m a mother.

I didn’t grow angry.  I didn’t plot & plan how I’d return and buy the suit anyway.

Even though “too adult” was something she’d never paired with a NO, I accepted her answer and we settled on a compromise.

I believed she thought I looked great. I thought I looked amazing (I was always Miss. Piggy).

Those two facts were enough. I didn’t “need” the bikini.

I’ve considered her words this summer as I’ve seen girls of all ages frolicking in bikinis.

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 we’ve never been a bikini family.

I’ve thought about what she said as I’ve watched online discussions about the sexualizing of girls and the unintended impact of swimsuits we allow them to wear.

I’ve realized I register surprise when my daughter’s 8 & 9 year old friends yank off cover-ups and what’s underneath is two pieces.

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we’re still in the one piece phase.

I don’t think I’m judging (we’ve already established I’d tell you) and often we’re in our backyard so there’s no tinge of inappropriateness.

Could the reason for my reaction of surprise *not* be as complicated as fears of self-objectification and as simple as I’m not a 2-piece person so don’t “get it?”

Bikinis, for me, are the uncomfortable combo of revealing & never staying in place.

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too EXPOSED for me.

I do, however, reflect on days of swim diapers & baby bathing suit struggles.

Even then I found cutsie toddler’kinis oddly inappropriate though they may have worked in my mama-favor.

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playing dress up with my shoes.

I am also aware how fortunate I am.

My daughter doesn’t yet request two piece suits or argue with me over other sartorial selections.

I’m the one, in fact, who argues against school dress codes and the messages they send.

I’m the one who fights for her right to wear what she wants because to “rule” otherwise is a disservice to girls.

To rule otherwise recontextualizes her body and makes it exist only through her male peers’ eyes.

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 we are a one-piece family!

Someday soon, though, I realize she may want to be a bikini-girl like her friends.

When that day comes I hope I find words which convey what my mother’s did on our shopping trip.

I want to let her know her body is beautiful, amazing and nothing to hide or be ashamed about—while conveying it’s OK to wait to do some things until she’s older….or, if she’s her mama, never at all.

There’s growing concern we shame our girls with NO’s! when they choose to show their bodies.

I didn’t hear that message when I was told no.

I heard you look great, but not now. Not yet. Wait. Save something for later.

And I think that’s OK.

Now you.

  • Your thoughts on girls, bikinis, and whether or not they sexualize children?
  • Do you, too, view school dress codes in a different light?

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Comments

  1. I cannot stand bikinis on girls for the reason you shared.
    I think “save something,” too.

  2. I think they are fine!
    When my girls were small it was far simpler to change their swim diapers when they wore a bikini.

  3. though i have twin boys i was just thinkign through this as we had swim lessons last month…and the girls ranging from 6 months to 16 all wore bikinis…seriously?!?! but i am all for wearing what makes you feel confident, but sexualizing yourself or your children so young is NOT NEEDED

  4. I’m not sure where I fall on the bikini topic. My mom took me shopping for my first bikini when I was a freshman in high school and I never looked back. I have a ridiculously long torso and one pieces are uncomfortable.

    As a mother, I have boys and I can’t say how many girls are wearing bikinis. Of course, it is only the beginning of summer here and I am sure I will be noticing while sitting at the beach. We always wore one piece suits for swimming lessons and figure that still holds (we have swimming lessons at the beach).

    I know some of my friends have struggled as their daughters have requested bikinis and have held to one pieces. Along the lines of save something and it’s not practical for swimming and playing at the beach.

  5. I’m just so glad I don’t have a daughter because this constant balancing act is exhausting! I agree and agree with ALL and wow, perfect words from your mom about the bikini. I wear one myself but not all the time. I pay attention to the situations I wear one (with the family) and when I don’t (in big crowded beaches/pools/etc.) Interesting.

    • Like you, Allie, I consider the situation when I wear a bikini. I have always wore one but I feel the need to be more modest when I am at the beach with extended family or in large public situations. So in recent years I have added in a tank and boy shorts suit to the mix. My daughter is almost 9 and has a bikini, one piece and a tank suit. Again, I push for her to wear the one piece in certain situations. Honestly, this was not a topic on my radar UNTIL I had a little girl.

  6. Interesting, I guess I had never thought about it that way, but I can definitely see what you mean…..hmmm, not really sure what to think. I just think you are awesome for being YOU and not letting society tell you what you need to be doing, and I love that 🙂

  7. I wish sometimes now the younger me hadn’t been so insecure about rocking a bikini, but I always hated to show too much skin, now I have a momma belly with saggy skin and stretch marks. I do agree though some of the suits are a little bit too much for little girls. My daughter has some two pieces but they are all tankinis much to her chagrin. She has such a little butt we have to size down for her, and that makes the one pieces too short.. I rock the tankinis too.

  8. Honestly, I see all that bare skin and cringe with fear of SUNBURN. And with a bikini there’s two pieces to keep track of when finding one dry-ish suit that didn’t have a whiff of mildew was challenging enough.

  9. I’m sort of like you on the bikini issue. I switched to one piece suits a few years ago because I actually like to workout while I swim and a bikini is far too ..erm… dangerous for that kind of movement. I don’t really feel bothered by who wears what to the beach. Sometimes I see bikinis for younger girls and I think they are adorable and there’s nothing sexual about them at all. Obviously there are swimsuits out there that are a bit more revealing than others, but I guess I also believe people should be able to wear what they want to free of judgment. If we start saying certain suits are inappropriate, we might also feel okay saying it’s not okay for certain people to wear certain suits, etc. That’s a whole other can of worms though!

  10. I have been a water lover since infancy and to me bathing suits were always about comfort. When two piece bathing suits came out (remember that I am pretty old…) I was the happiest person around. I finally had something comfie to swim in. It was always about comfort., and I have never liked one piecers.
    My daughter likes one piece bathing suits – period . Very shy and modest.

    Uniforms? Ella’s opinion is that she would LOVE to have school uniforms so she wouldn’t have to worry about what to wear to school. She is shy and sensitive and doesn’t like to stand out.

  11. School dress codes here are simple, everyone wears uniforms. What i have to argue against, in my child’s public school, is that they don’t seem to enforce the rules as evenly. They let some of the students who make better grades get away with a jacket that has a non-school logo on it, for example.

    To me, you are beautiful and you want to leave something to the imagination, not fling it out there for all the world to see. Like the difference between secret and private. Your beautiful female form is not something you need to keep a secret because of shame, it is something you may want to keep, at least in part, private.

  12. As a mom of boys, I cringe when I see some of the mini bikinis the girls are wearing at the pool. Yet I agree so much with you that it’s about how you say it, so that the “no” does not imply that she has anything to be ashamed of. Kudos to your mom for knowing how to say it.

  13. i personally don’t think they sexualize children – i love bikinis – on babies, kids, and adults – no matter shape, size, or age! bodies are beautiful! 🙂

  14. ??? Really, Carla? There are, of course, some swimsuits (both one- and two-piece, and in sizes ranging from toddler to adult) that are overtly “sexy” — but there are also many that are sporty, conservatively cut, comfortable, and not at all inappropriate. Even when at my lowest weights, I never had a nice hourglass shape or smooth stomach, so I’ve never worn one in public — I find this “every body is a bikini body” to be ultimate BS…no one wants to see flab. Why is a 250lb woman in a bikini called “brave” but an obese man in a Speedo, or even shirtless, is “gross”? But back to topic: If you find a child in a two piece to be somehow “sexualized” — even if it’s a plain solid color suit that’s cut like a sport bra and boy shorts …that’s YOUR insecurity talking. Would I put a four year old in a triangle-cut, hot pink/glitter string bikini? No. But I also don’t judge a parent who does…their kid, their rules, and they deal with the consequences, if any . You’re bordering perilously close to body-shaming with your generalizations and blanket statements here. I understand this is your choice for your kid, and that’s fine…but my now-teen girls have always worn two piece suits, I never had a problem with that, there have never been any creepy adults leering at them, nor do they strive to look “sexy” — if they wanted a one piece that was high cut on the hips, v-neck to the belly button, and in a leopard print, would that be somehow “better” than a hawaiian-print ruffle top and bikini bottom?

    • Thank you so much for your long comment. And perhaps I’m veering too closely back to old school blogging. Would I put this on Huffington post or someplace like that? Probably not. But I used my own place/home as a way to muddle through my musings about my own contradictory feelings (Im so antidress code yet so surprised when I see girls in string bikinis) which as I shared surprised even me.
      I spoke on a body shaming panel this weekend and have to respectfully disagree.
      I feel strongly it’s ok and necessary for me to confront the dichotomy in my cranium here on my blog.

  15. Even Charming….

    Love the pictures. I wore bikinis when I was a teenager..but not often. Mostly one piece because they never accidentally came off when a wave hits.

  16. I was never allowed to wear them, either. It was never even a suggestion. I was told the same as you, “not yet.” But that “not yet” seeped into my brain and became “not ever.” I honestly never learned to celebrate my body or even simply feel the sun on my stomach. As it stands, I (for the most part) let the Peanut choose for herself. I do not allow the super string sorts, as I think they’re designed for someone with parts she not yet owns, and perhaps does not understand. She loves her vintage-style Minnie Mouse bikini, and I love that it’s easy to go to the bathroom with. She also loves her “hidden” belly button, which cracks me up because it’s not covered with fabric, it’s just the shape of her navel, and I crack up every time she points it out to me.

  18. Being one to not like bathing suits at all, I usually err toward the side of the one piece, especially when it comes to my daughters. They’re too young (4 +2) right now but I am sure once they reach an older age, the 2 piece will become a point of discussion!

  19. My mom did let me wear a bikini (I was in Jr. High)…the top was more sports bra like, but a two piece nonetheless. I hated it. The bottoms fell down every time I pulled myself out of the pool. One piece is more my speed.
    My daughters (ages 8 and 6) wear one piece suits. The bikinis for little girls are…skanky. I’m also very choosey about the length of their shorts. Private parts are just that: private. So far, the ladies don’t have any problems with the clothing choices I make. I’m very liberal with letting them choose what to wear from their wardrobe. 14 different floral patterns in one outfit? Perfect! (as long as their asses are covered)

    • Woah, skanky? Really? When my 2.5-year-old daughter has on a cute little ruffle butt bikini with a top that goes straight across (not string style) or a cutie little shorts set bikini, that is skanky to you? The only thing that word that crosses my mind is ADORABLE!

  20. My girls where two-pieces but not bikinis. They are usually of the tankini variety and at most show a small stripe of tummy. The reason I go for two pieces is for easier trips to the bathroom (I hated wrestling suits back on when wet). I think it’s a slight carry over from swim diapers as it always made that easier too. That being said, I do not like real bikinis on little people…how do they move around comfortably doing kid things without some coverage?

  21. I fall in the camp of “let the child choose.” So far my girls (ages 10, and 11) have not picked a bikini that makes me feel uncomfortable. My 10yo prefers a one piece and my 11yo prefers a tankini. Though when they were like 5 and 6 they did choose a bikini, but it still had a lot of fabric. Living in Florida we spend a LOT of time in bathing suits, and I really believe that part of the reason why they don’t wear bikinis is because of the extra sunscreen they have to put on! LOL.

  22. Have I told you lately how much I love your writing? I have a son so I’ve only had to make decisions for him. And HE chooses to cover up with a swim shirt. I remember wearing a cute, modest two piece as a little girl and standing with my arms in front of my tummy because I felt so self-conscious. I still don’t like them for me but on little girls? Sometimes it’s okay. It mainly bothers me when the top is cut like a woman’s suit (triangular for breasts) because that IS sexualizing girls in my opinion.

    Thank God I have a son!

  23. My 7 & 4 year old girls usually pick tankinis & I’m ok with that. My 7 year old begs for a bikini every year, but I think it’s because that’s almost all we see on the girls around here at our neighborhood pools and she wants to look like them.

    I love school uniforms. We just started experiencing them last fall and I felt like it made our mornings much easier! There was no searching for something to wear every day. Why don’t you like uniforms? Did I miss that post? 🙂

    • no I think I would love uniforms 🙂 it’s the dress code I have struggled with. I had my child chastised, semi shamed 🙂 and had to drive to school and bring her a jacket when she wore a spaghetti strap shirt. She was seven. I just thought that was a little ridiculous…

  24. Being a Florida girl I believe it’s all in taste. Save some for the imagination but if it’s hot it’s hot. There’s really skimpy and then there’s tasteful – PINUP STYLE haha

  25. My daughter has such a lovely body. She did wear a vintage 60’s style bikini when we went to Grand Cayman last year. She chose thoughtfully between a couple of suits we both liked. I’m so proud of her maturity, and try to be careful with the words I choose when she asks me for my opinion. I respect her sense of style, and she encourages me when I want help, as well. What a blessing that is!

  26. My sister is very old school. Sometimes I think she would make a great, but incredibly young and beautiful, 85 year old matriach of a religious family (if we only knew religion, but…)

    When her daughter was 10 shorts with the word “tush” on the tush were very in style. She let her get them.

    She has always worn bikinis.

    Samantha’s 20 now and just came back from a semester in Paris. She’s incredibly classy. Lets her mother pick out all her clothes and if buying without her sends photos and listens.

    Just my opinion but I think there are so many ways to instill body values, and that if a girl can say “I’m wearing a bikini—because I like it but you can’t touch,” then she’s learned a lot.

  27. “Could the reason for my reaction of surprise *not* be as complicated as fears of self-objectification and as simple as I’m not a 2-piece person so don’t “get” it?”

    I think that’s a valid reason. I also think that it’s SO IMPORTANT to provide an explanation, as your mother did: the answer isn’t “no,” it’s “not yet.”

    Love that perspective as it is such a good balance!

    Also, this made me start thinking about my attire when I go to the gym or exercise outside. When I run outside in the summer, I run in short shorts and a sports bra. Why? Because I get HOT and become a sweaty beast. I get too overheated even with a tank top over my sports bra. And I’ve often thought about this kind of thing when I run outdoors in that tiny outfit, or when I’m working out at the gym in my short shorts and a tank – it’s this frustrating mind battle between “I hope no one feels uncomfortable with what I’m wearing” vs. “I’m wearing this so I can feel uncomfortable – and it’s definitely not anyone else’s problem, because I don’t care what THEY are wearing.”

    Now, this is a little different from the situation you’re talking about (i.e. I’m not a child), but… interesting that society teaches us from a young age about these types of things. And that we pay attention to what we wear, as girls and women, whereas boys and men don’t really *think* about that when it comes to their own attire.

    The point of this extremely long comment: it’s a challenge! But your mom handled it well 🙂

  28. I think I’ve owned two 2 bikinis in my life. I just don’t care for them for me. When I chose suits for my daughters, I bought was I liked. When they grew old enough to choose, they did. One goes for tankinis, one goes for bikinis. It’s all good.

  29. Oh this was such an integrating read and saw a lot of my own past in it. Growing up I never had the interest in buying a two piece of any sort. I spent my summers in swimming lessons and then later on becoming a lifeguard and apart from that I didn’t see a swimming pool. It wasn’t until high school when I felt the need to buy that first bikini and I can tell you that my mother did not like the idea of that. To be honest my first bikini was handmade by yours truly from a tanking because that was all I was allowed to wear.

  30. I am liking the debate here. It’s interesting to hear both sides. But I do have to say my girls are 2 and 4 and own both one piece and two piece suits. I may feel differently about them when they are older and start developing, but for now I am ok with them wearing two pieces.

  31. There is way too much to think about here for a short comment. So, maybe I’ll just say that I am aghast at all the ways kids are sexualized today–their attire, especially–and think it’s time to take a step back. Good piece.

  32. I guess I feel this is something that has to be worked out by each family. This is an issue that I can see as being simple all the way to very complicated.

  33. I personally think little ones in bikinis are adorable! Maybe it’s because I live in CA, but tree is I age for starting to wear a bikini here–girls have just always been in a bikini since they were little. I remember being 16 and begging my mom for a real bikini (as opposed to a halter top and shorts combo) and she eventually gave in. That doesnt happen in CA since girls are already in bikinis. Now, I’m not a fan of string-like bikinis on little ones (and I have seen company that makes only that for girls), but that’s not usually what I see on little ones.

  34. I know your probably annoyed because I always, always agree with you, but I agree with you. This is exactly how I feel about bikinis and bodies, especially with regard to my daughter. I love the approach that your mother took ( love and be proud of your body, but you’re too young) I do let my daughter wear a bikini and let me tell you that took some time and internal battle on my part, but I’m finally okay with it. We still wear one pieces and when I have a conversation with her, it’s “how do you feel in this suit?” “Is it comfortable, does it ride up, do you like the color?” rather than, “do think this makes you look cute?” etc. etc. We focus on function at this point.

  35. I think it is a personal decision BUT I do feel that the sexualization of girls starts way too soon & teens look like adults often.

    I was never comfortable in one being heavy as a youth & still feeling heavy after I lost weight. The bodybuilding was a HUGE step out of my comfort zone!

    As an adult – older – I wore 2 piece but not bikini bikini.. the higher waisted bottom. 🙂

  36. hmmm, this is an interesting question to ponder. I was allowed to wear bikinis, even as a teenager. Some did get nixed in the change room by my mom though. I liked my stomach and I thought they were flattering. I think I mostly wore them to the beach when we would go to Florida, so not around my friends. But, I do remember being a counsellor at summer camp and we were all watching a video our security guard took of our pool and he had zoomed in on my lower half–I was wearing a one piece. It was creepy. So no bikini but still got ogled.
    I also think that little girls in 2 piece swimsuits are cute but there are lots of cute 1 pieces too. I think the issue goes back to the same idea that society sexualizes girls’ bodies. I really hope that is not the case with little girls, but then again there are those toddler beauty pageants. So I don’t know. And I’m rambling.
    Ultimately, if you are comfortable with what you (and your children) are wearing, and you’re not hurting anyone, then do what feels right. “And so say all of us…me”.

  37. i am not a fan of the bikinis on babies. Always felt weird. Regardless of how many frills/flowers etc it’s still a bit much. I’ve worn a bikini once in my life. At a volcano mud pit in Dominica on my honeymoon. I was so happy I couldn’t possibly feel self conscious all the glee from being a newlywed can be quite blinding. 🙂

  39. I love love love your take on your mother’s opinion. She did a great job of explaining why “now” is not the time. Love everything about this post! (I’ve always been against school dress codes too!! In middle school, I gave a speech to the entire school about why dress codes should be removed!) 🙂

  40. I think there are so many issues wrapped into this one question that its difficult to parse them all. Two-piece bathing suits are just more practical for kids, especially when they’re potty training. And any talk about young kids and bikinis being inappropriate makes me think that we’re giving too much credence to those who claim that bikinis sexualize children. Anybody who looks at a young child in a bikini and thinks “sexy” has a major problem, and it has nothing to do with what the child is wearing.

    As girls get older I can totally see wanting to teach modesty, but it’s a fine line between “respect yourself and your body” and “cover up because it’s your responsibility to make sure that men don’t leer at you.” I don’t know what the answer is.

  41. I just do not see the point in little girls in bikinis. Little girls play and swim. Bikinis aren’t really practical for that. My daughter is 5 and she has not worn a bikini and will not be doing so anytime soon. I suppose in high school it will be a battle I will not fight but certainly not before then. I could care less what other moms do but my daughter will not have one! 🙂

  42. Hmmm I’m not sure what sort of opinion I have about this 🙂 I remember wearing both one pieces and bikinis growing up. I appreciate your outlook about the oversexualization when it comes to girls and women in bikinis. As long as one feels comfortable in either, I think that’s okay with me! 🙂

  43. Minus the fact that us kids (myself and sisters) at home were running around in summer in only diapers or bottoms for the first few years of our lives to swim in our pool…we only had one pieces. We also were in swim school/on swim team and try racing in a bikini! I remember my younger sister getting a bikini when she was 10ish? but a speedo and my father almost had a heart attack. HS was basically a lost battle and he gave in. On one hand I do think they are adorable for the young set, on the other…not sure a baby needs to be in a bikini. And if you give in to the cuteness of it all when baby/toddler aged, then can never go back and really claim needing to be modest for a while until they are older, you’ve set the precedent.

  44. I think you are very right about the two piece on little girls and I love the one piece suits your daughter is wearing are age appropriate and adorable. As far as school uniform goes I am pro uniform because for me ( a low income mom) it eliminates the added stress of having a different outfit for my daughter every day. It also teaches her to follow the rules. I let her express herself with different designs of tights,knee highs,leggings,and headbands while still following school rules.

  45. Many excellent points being made and appreciated. As a father of three girls and a boy, my wife and I have taken a hybrid approach that centers on consideration of others and comfort level. In private and amongst family, anything goes so long as they’re comfortable. If they want to go naked as the day they were born, have at it. They choose not to, and that’s completely ok, but they don’t worry about covering up to change either. In semi-private and amongst close friends, they know basic covering is required and expected as a social norm to avoid making others uncomfortable, but skimpy is no big deal. Let’s face it, if we’re worried about anyone looking at our kids in a sexualized way, there’s no way in heck they’d be anywhere near them in that sort of gathering because they’re not the kind of people that would be our close friends. In public situations like public pools or beaches, we acknowledge that there are others who are made uncomfortable by “too much” skin and out of respect for that perspective we cover up a little more.

    TL;DR: Private=who cares, semi-private=bikini, public=one piece or maybe a tankini/boy-short style two piece.

    We’ve talked to the kids about propriety and modesty, and they all have very good body image (insofar as they’re comfortable in their own skin and don’t worry about it) and it’s just never been an issue. They understand it’s a sliding scale depending on the situation, and they naturally seem most comfortable in what’s most appropriate for the situation at hand. Our 8 year old girl wears a bikini bottom and nothing else when in the pool behind the house out at the farm while the 13 year old prefers a string bikini, but at the public pool the 8 year old is in a one piece and the 13 year old is most comfortable putting on a t-shirt and board shorts over her suit so that the leering teenage boys aren’t an issue. It just works, everybody is happy, and they know their worth doesn’t depend on the approval of the opposite sex.

  46. Hmmmm…. not sure. I have two boys and haven’t had to think too much about this. I think it’s important to allow self-expression but….geez, this one is tricky. I’m pretty sure I’m with your mom on this one. Some are ok but some might be ‘too adult’ for younger girls. BUT it would also appear that all little girls clothing is getting ‘too adult’.

  47. I had a similar experience as Cat’s above (not allowed) but I am a rebel! I bought a bikini to wear to swimming lessons all secret like (we rode a bus to the lessons as there was no pool in the town I grew up in) and quickly learned that bikinis + learning to dive from the diving board are incompatible.

    I am pro bikini for every age. If my kid can wear board shorts and no shirt, why is that somehow more modest than a bikini? I think (and this is just MY cranium) that an anti-bikini stance, especially paired with a comment that it’s over sexualizing, is too close to body shaming. Why is a bikini more sexualized than a one-piece or a boy in a swim trunks? Is a girl’s midriff somehow a magical sex-land of delight?

    I was 37 before I wore a bikini in public again, and much of that was from years of body shame that I got handed during my growing up years. I do not have a girl, but if I did, I hope that I’d buy her a bikini at whatever age if she wanted one but would point out that a one-piece is much more practical if you’re doing anything besides some light play/splashing.

  48. I did some two pieces in my teens, but they were mostly sporty speedo types. I got ONE that was essentially no skimpier than a regular bra and I think I wore it outside my house a handful of times before I went back to the sports bra types. I’d rather be able to play in the water than worry about where my top may be floating around.

    No kid, so noooo idea where I stand on that. I think the motivation would help guide (mama, this is comfy vs mama, I want to look cute for boys).

  49. I’ve had conflicting thoughts about this since my daughter first wore a bathing suit. I never bought her one when she was little and thought they were a little silly and garish although there’s nothing less sexualized than a bikini on a toddler and it is more practical. I guess I just felt like it was setting her up to have expectations of a bikini body at that early age. I recently just bought her a two piece because she has expressed interest in one. She’s 9. My logic is, 1. she’s modest and it was HER decision. 2. I don’t want her to be ashamed of her body since she’s creeping into that my thighs are fat phase already! She’s not remotely big anywhere and even though I can claim that to be the case, I purposefully have never uttered those words so she’s learning it somewhere else. 3. I don’t want it to be taboo or something I vehemently oppose since naturally she will want one even more. 4. If she develops curves like me, I won’t be so eager to let her wear a bikini when she’s older because even though bodies are natural and beautiful and nothing to hide or be ashamed of, I know first hand the attention she’ll get. I agree that baring a midriff isn’t the issue, it’s the thought of a teeny bikini top. I honestly wish Americans didn’t sexualize breasts as much as they do and that society could be more mature about human anatomy but sadly that’s not the case as evidenced by the constant breast feeding in public news/backlash.

  50. I don’t think that bikinis specifically sexualize kids and I haven’t made a big deal of them either way. My girls wear a mix of one piece and two pieces with some rash guards/swim tees and tankinis mixed in and they just pick whatever they’re in the mood for. I don’t even think I notice half the time what the swimwear of choice is! That said bikinis can actually work better for tall thin girls like my oldest – one pieces ride up while being too big at the same time.

  51. I like the convenience of a two piece (especially with the potty training season we’re currently in), but we stick with the tankinis and I buy they a year larger than the official size so that they’re nice and long. This kind of bit me in the backside this year, because we no longer need swimming diapers and the bottoms are starting to impersonate a Coppertone ad…

    Echoes of my voice saying “pull up your bottoms, honey” ring around the neighborhood pool these days =)

    I like the idea of letting my girl be little as long as she can be and saving some things for when she’s older and more prepared for the reactions she may get sounds like the safe way to go. So far, she just puts on whatever I hand to her (she’s 4 and a half) and I anticipate wardrobe battles to come. I’ll enjoy what I have for now!

  52. my mom dressed me in a string when i was 4 yet i cannot wear one now for the life of me. But that is just me. I think you need let yourself feel confident. and it’s good the tornado is figuring that out on her own. That’s adult!

  53. I appreciate what your mom did for you by having the first words out of her mouth be “you look great” – that is so powerful!

    I have never set any restrictions on Princess’s bathing suit options, feeling that to do so would imply that she wasn’t “bikini worthy”. Fortunately for me, my daughter has always had a healthy sense of modesty. She tends to wear bikini tops, but pretty conservative skirts or shorts for bottoms. Several times she has bought dresses on-line that I thought might be a bit too revealing, but when they arrive and she models them for me, they look just fine. I think she has a better handle on what’s appropriate and comfortable for her than I do, most of the time!

  54. I was brought up that way to simply I think because I was an only girl with 4 brothers. I never really tried to buy one because I never had enough confidence in my body to even consider it. I never put my daughter in one either just because it always seemed something for adults only. She never asked for a bikini. I wondered if it were because she was ashamed of her body. I should know better every time I am at her house she is walking around naked in the privacy of her home. Now that she has her own daughter I wonder how she will handle it.

  55. I have complicated thoughts on this, I think. First, I think there is a HUGE difference between a string bikini and a 2-piece swimsuit. The kid has 2-piece suits that are essentially tankinis, largely because her torso is so long that 1-piece suits give her a perma-wedgie.

    But even if that wasn’t the case, I feel like if she’s comfortable and her private parts are covered, I’m fine with whatever she wants to wear. I think that if young girls’ bodies are being sexualized, the answer is not to say “well then she should cover up.” The fault lies with the person objectifying a child, not with the child in a swimsuit.

    I want her to grow up believing she can do what she wants, be what she wants, and wear what she wants–with some gentle guidance from me–so for the most part I let her pick. She and her friends (5, 6, & 7) have a pretty varied mixture of tiny bikinis and tankinis and super covered up 1-piece suits and swim skirts with rash guards…and as long as they’re with parents I can trust to watch them well, I’m good with it.

  57. I’m glad to see this post because it’s something I have been thinking about now that I have a daughter of my own. I know she’s only a year old, but I feel like I’m making decisions now that will continue on as she becomes older and I want to be intentional in my decisions. I feel the need to think about what messages I want to send to my daughter. I finally decided on one pieces because, while I want her to be comfortable in her own skin, I want her to value qualities other than physical appearance much more. And really, why not keep our little girls “little” for as long as possible. Hubby agrees. Also, I love the picture of the dog in the swimsuit!

  58. I love your mom’s approach, Carla! I agree with the cuteness of toddlers and grade schoolers in bikinis, and older girls too – but the skimpier ones are not practical for swim or play. And how do you switch or re-route a tween or teen who’s always had a bikini but now is busting out all over? I’ve said the same about bicycle shorts & midriff tops, very cute on six year olds, but maybe unreasonable for teens, depending on skimpiness. Save something back, for heaven’s sake.

  59. Love the discussion you’ve started and I’m enjoying reading everyone’s opinions. I have two little girls (3 and 1) and personally I only put them in one pieces or rashguards and bottoms. I don’t at all feel offended if others put their little ones in bikinis, but being slightly more covered feels better for me to have them in at this age and stage. I’ll be interested to see how that changes for us as they grow. Thanks for starting the discussion!

  60. This is such a great post! I have a 19 month old daughter, and even though I know we have several years (*hopefully*) before the bikini comes into question, I dread it. We are a one piece (or a tankini) family, too. I was an overweight child/teenager/young adult and the thought of putting on a bikini (or any bathing suit for that matter) put me into a state of panic.
    I hope that when the aforementioned bathing suit comes into conversation I will be struck with the same sort of parental wisdom that you shared.

  61. I have two 17 year old daughters. They do wear bikinis, not skimpy ones though! (no strings!) but they are hard to find! Enjoyed your post. Found you thorough SITS!

  62. Interesting thoughts here. I can remember playing outside…topless…in just my shorts, just like the boys…until I was 6 or 7. It wasn’t a big deal. No one made a fuss about it because there wasn’t anything to make a fuss about.

    I think sometimes we are the ones with the issues and perhaps we have to think about what our issues really are. Children are innocent until we give them more than they can handle.

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