Boobs and Pubes.

by

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Disclaimer: This is neither a sponsored post nor does it contain affiliate links. 

What feels like a lifetime ago I wrote about a new concept in celebrating yer menses: Hello Flo!

I snickered at the monthly box approach (“It’s like Santa for your vagina!”).

I thought the Camp Gyno commercial–while funny–was a tad lily white for my taste.

I didn’t adore what I viewed as myth perpetuation in the shipments (sugary treats in each box).

I’ve changed my mind.

Allow me to back up thirty five years.

As I’ve mentioned before, my mom was a woman before her time.

In an era when other mothers still let daughters’ first periods “just happen” and hoped the girls learned all they needed from peers—mine left nothing to chance.

When I was 11 she presented me with a box.

The box, which I believe was manufactured by Kotex, contained everything I needed for my first menstrual period.

I don’t remember if I was embarrassed by her “gift” (which most likely means I was not), but I do clearly recall what I did after she handed it over and left my bedroom:

I ripped into it immediately.

fox chapel, pennsylvania

I was about this age.

I tossed aside the directions/explanations (foreshadowing of my awkward initial foray into tampons as well).

I ripped open boxes.

I stuck maxi-pads to things and yanked them off.

I noted the adhesive tenacity of the mini-pads.

I explored the world of panty liners through tearing and dissecting.

I tossed the entirely “used” box on the floor of my closet and promptly forgot about it.

Until I needed it. 

Until my Mom said:  OK. First, where’s your box of supplies? 

(Aside: For me brand creation is done through consistency. I believe it’s comforting for readers to know what to expect when they choose to view your work. To that end, my branding does not include sordid details of my first period.  You may thank me later.)

And, while some memories from back then are hazy, I clearly recall furrowing my brow and responding:

Oh that? The box you gave me? It’s all used up!!

camp gyno commercial

 (No photo of “used up” box so I give you ‘almost tween’ riveted by Camp Gyno)

I remember my Mom being a little perplexed (with hindsight I see how she wondered what I did with a box full of pads and no period).

I remember her bringing me what I needed and not embarrassing me by asking what I’d done with the contents of my box.

I remember there being absolutely no awkwardness or “shame” associated with the conversation or the onset of my period.

I know now, since I have an almost tween of my own, I want to recreate this same experience for her.

I bought a book.  

The Care and Keeping of You American Girl Doll book

Yep. American Girl Doll book.

I bought a box.

(I passed on the brand whose box’ contents were described as “a great gift to celebrate your girl’s menarche!”)

I did with my daughter precisely what my own mom did 35 years ago.

We read. We chatted. We giggled. We examined drawings. We GIGGLED. I explained. She made clear through her responses I’d not explained adequately.  I re-explained. We giggled.

And it was done.

I have no idea her thoughts (although she is aware I’m writing this post) —*I* just feel really great about the conversation.

(So good I wanna take my puberty-show on the road. Boobs & Pubes tour coming soon to a 4th grade assembly near you).

I’ve learned, as with much of parenting, I won’t know if I did a good job until years down the road.

I think we connected? I can’t yet tell for certain.

All I know is the next day, as we chatted on the drive home from school, she announced out of nowhere:

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And for now, for today, that’s enough.

Now you.

  • Did you get a ‘period box?’ Did you ransack the contents long before they were needed?
  • Any advice or tips (for either of us!) as we begin to navigate the waters of tweendom? (!)

 

 

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Comments

  1. I got nothing from my mom. When my period did come, all I got was, “You need to wear a pad now.” That’s just the way my mom was back then. It’s funny now that I’m an adult we talk about everything and anything. I will be following your lead, Carla. It seems like the perfect way to go. Boobs and Pubes would be a sure hit!

    • Angela and Carla,
      I got nothing as well, aside from the 1950’s box at school that had a belt, yes you read that correctly, a belt, a pad, a few bath fizzes, a book on how you might want to take a shower and have good hygiene from now on- that was it. My sisters told me pads were disgusting and threw a box of tampons in the bathroom with me- I looked at the tutorial on side of the box and was confused and horrified by what I saw- it looked kind of like a dissection of a snail with a hand and a cigar coming at it. haha! Let’s just say I walked around with tampons half in half out for a long time– it was an uncomfortable time in my life. With my own daughter, I plan on making it much more relaxed, and not something to be scared of but rather embraced. With my kids, it’s better to not make a big deal out of it- to slip things in during casual conversation. I know people who take their kids on trips and have celebrations, I think that’s cool, but for my kids they would freak out if I did that. I make it, “no big deal” and they will open up to me, ask me questions and be interested. If I make did a coming of age celebration, they would those their minds and close down like a prison cell.

  3. I’d say you did a good job Mama if you had the talk and she is still excited about being a girl.
    Motherhood is not for sissies and you’re rocking it.

  4. My mom got a book from the library about getting yoru period…took me to Pizza Hut, gave me the book, told me all about the fun about to happen but guess what?!?! I’d already started my period 😉

    I pray that when or if I have to handle this (with twin boys likely not at this time 😉 ) I do so just like you did!

  5. I was extremely embarrassed that my mom gave me a rose when I fist got my period. She said it was because I was “now a woman.” Oy.

  6. I received no box, but I did get the talk….and supplies. Back in the dark ages there was a “belt”. Which I never wore. Apparently adhesives hadn’t been invented yet. ; )

  8. My twins are edging closer to needing this talk.
    How had I not heard of Hello Flo!!!!
    I’m ordering two boxes. Maybe three so we have a spare LOL

  9. This title. I snorted.

    My 6 year old says pagina and it’s so cute that I just can’t bring myself to correct her.
    “The talk” happens at school in 4th grade, so I’ll be having our own talk using this same book in the next few months with my third grader.

  10. Oh my goodness the memories this post brought up! YES I HAD THE BELT THING-Y. It’s kind of difficult to explain but let’s just leave it at this: self adhesive pads are better. Much. Much, much better.

    Backing up – yes I got “a box” – and handed the book (which was not cute like books are now …) and told to read it. To my mom’s credit, she was on the ball because I did this before I got my period, which happened at NINE, so she must have been attuned to something!

    My burning question, which I WOKE HER UP AT 2 IN THE MORNING TO ASK, was “can boys be virgins too?” Where on earth did I get that question?

    Great memories. I wish I had some good advice — I think my daughter sought out a book before I could get her one.

  11. I got nothing from my mom either.
    I did learn lots from my older sisters, but not all of it was true 🙂
    How cool is the hello flo AND that camp gyno commercial thing.
    I LOL’d.

  12. I just went through the first period with my 13yo stepdaughter and that was rough, since I had no idea what she knew (from her mother or older sisters or friends). One lesson I learned during those first few days is to not make a THING out of it. If a big deal is made of it, it becomes a big deal every month and that’s not what you want. If it’s treated like a special event with prizes and chocolate and presents, you set precedent that it gets rewarded and treated as such every month. If you treat it like a secret and don’t talk about it matter of factly around adults (like her father), it becomes something to be embarassed about and hidden from the world. And since it’s something she’ll have for the next 40 years and that she needs to be comfortable dealing with and talking about (with doctors, her husband, her own kids, etc), it’s important to treat it like it is: a part of life that happens and isn’t embarassing or a secret, but is one of those things we just don’t discuss in public or with strangers. We’ll see how well that went for me in oh….twenty years probably.

    • well if it’s any solace or help or whatevers I WAS WAYYYYYYY AWKWARD after that. Ill find ya some photos 🙂

  14. I honestly have no recollection of my mom mentioning anything about my period to me…my only memory is actually getting my period while at school then stuffing the wrapper back in my pocket because I had no idea what to do with it….#clueless.

  15. This is a timely topic. Santa brought my 12 year-old her period on Christmas in the evening when every store was closed. I had to search the bottom of every purse to find her a pad since I was out and only had tampons. She preceded to get it on every holiday: Martin Luther King’s, Presidents Day, Valentine’s Day…. We just finished the summer of “to tampon or not to tampon?” The three times we planned a beach trip this summer she had it and had to face the choice. I bought her a box and talked to her about it, but she wasn’t ready. The anxiety brought her to tears or maybe it was the hormones. Even though we wanted to go to the beach this weekend, I decided not to go because she had it and it wasn’t worth the tears. I really could have used the box! This period stuff is a exhausting.

  16. It’s been over 50 years for me. FIFTY YEARS! Holy Cow! How did I get so old? Nonetheless, I remember being shocked when I first saw the blood, even though I had heard (from my friends) that it would soon be occurring. Mom hadn’t told me anything and she was unprepared for my first time at 13, since she was a Tampax user (you stick it WHERE????), and had no pads on hand. I remember talking to older friends before, and being confused about the amount of blood involved and not understanding how you would not simply bleed to death. I wish someone had sat me down and explained, it’s a small amount, easily handled with “sanitary” supplies. Sometimes it’s the little things that matter.

    Now, for TMI: A few years ago, as an older woman I experienced a common condition involving female organ and bladder slippage. Simply put, things seemed to be falling out, even though they weren’t really, at least not completely. So I had surgery and with the assistance of net/gauze (I’m sure that’s not the technical term for it) it’s all back in place. But my friend, who had the surgery before me, told me there’s a weird sensation, or more accurately, LACK of sensation of urinating sometimes. Oh you still get the urge from a full bladder, and thanks to the surgery, you no longer leak, but while eliminating, you periodically can’t feel the urine coming out. It’s odd, but I was so grateful for her telling me that, so I didn’t worry about it. My Gyno never mentioned it at all. Of course, today the Internet is good for finding out stuff like this. Another friend is having the surgery soon, and I meant to tell her about this lack of sensation phenomenon, and I forgot. How do I make THAT awkward phone call?

    • and seriously THAT and all the other stuff like THAT (we women are sooo lucky) is precisely why I was grateful the child is excited for her first period (!) and not crying I WANNA STAY NINE FOREVAHHHHHH!!!

  18. I had the talk very early with my mom as she was a school nurse and all about the sex ed but in an appropriate way thankfully. She didn’t give me a box but was very supportive and had the supplies waiting in the house. It arrived on my 13th birthday, 26 years ago TODAY!

  19. Wonderful post! I did not get a gift box but did receive the fabulous 1970’s booklet from Kotex-the one with a girl looking dreamingly out a window.
    Consequently I did not give my daughter a gift box-but we did have the AG book- I have recommended it over and over. They cover everything in such a wonderful manner!

  22. I got nothing. I was actually on a summer school trip in Italy when I got my first period and had to rely on my friends! My mother never said anything when I got home either or maybe I never told her? With the boys, I’m leaving that all up to my husband to explain!

  24. We did Sex Ed in 6th grade so I felt prepared for what was going to happen. I do remember being totally horrified that my mum ran to tell my dad when I got my first period. For me, the leg shaving thing was a bigger, more memorable rite of passage.

    • ahhh yes. I totally recall having hebrew school the day I first got my period and my dad picking me up and passing me a brown paper bag. I thought SNACK!!! nope 🙂 more/extra pads…

  25. I too have a tween and we have the book and have had the talk. No box though….hadn’t thought of that, though it’s not a bad idea.

  26. As you know, we are the same age and have similar moms, so I too received a Kotex box. I remember opening it excitedly, but, unlike you, I read the enclosed pamphlet (sort of instructions) and then shoved the whole box under my bed until it was needed. Of course, I had two older brother and heaven forbid they saw it.

  27. Love this post. Will be tucking this one away for future use when my daughter nears that age. Oh how you have perfectly captured the emotions of this experience for every young girl.

    • and it was such a fun experience too. laughing and embarrassed giggles and no…weirdness. now I wait to see if she really felt as I did (and if SHE blogs about it in a few decades!!)

  28. I got a box of sorts, and dutifully set it aside for future use (as is the only response my ENTJ brain would allow – LOL I am even today SHOCKED that your response was SO different from mine!)

    I was glad I would have the opportunity to deal with my first period IN PRIVATE by having supplies on hand!

    Sadly, no one warned me about the interest our dogs would have in such things. I was horrified and beyond embarrassed when I found the dogs had betrayed my privacy in the most public way possible. 30 years later and I still cringe a little, thinking about it.

    So, I LOVE the box idea. But seriously, put a lid on that bathroom waste basket.

    • OMGOSH I CANNNNT REVISIT THAT MEMORY EITHER. Happened here too. With the black lab. I never ever had a wastebasket sans lid again.

  30. I had sex ed in school and an older sister so was kind of prepared. What I was not prepared for was to get it while at Sunday dinner at my Grandpa’s and it being announced that “I was a woman”. Sigh, don’t do that. I laugh now.

    • ok that’s almost as good as a friend who called me this morning and shared she was slapped across the face and told she was a woman (she said it was ok to share even though Im not sharing her NAME I asked :-)). AHHHHH WOMANHOOD. you are so fun and…sometimes not.

  31. Yeah there was no talk for me….no supplies…nothing but tears since I was 9 and it was Christmas Eve!! Thanks Santa! I can remember my older sister cheering and me being ready to die! I’ve watched my sister navigate all that is female with her tweens and may just have her do it for me!!!

    • xoxox and it really is amazing how many friends I have who are in their 40’s and still havent gotten “the talk” from their mom or dad. I may have done this too early? I just thought Id rather start now (and answer her questions. I definitely didnt initiate :-))than have the PLAYGROUND GIRLS start for me.

  32. My daughter is 13. First period is imminent. We’ve had lots of talks, sex Ed in the school from 2nd grade on up, pads have been examined and explained and a spare tucked in her backpack.

    I’m hoping that my biology background and lack of embarassement over discussing things with her will have made the whole thing a non issue. I shall report back 🙂

  33. Same book for my tween! And it’s been about a yr since we read it–probably time to revisit. Right now I have started having her wear her first bras, b/c she’s in the pre-boob stage and it just feels like it’s time. She, however, hates it and I guess I can’t blame her. I mean, dealing with all those changes wasn’t fun for me, either. And yes, I got very little from my mom on the topic! I have vowed to be different with my girl, too.

  34. I give you all the praise for doing this!!!! I got the supplies from my mom. However the real leg work was done by my 4th grade teachers. We had all the 4th grade girls get together every month to discuss what was happening in our bodies–I matured really really fast so it was my favorite part of fourth grade. We got to bring our own special lunches and chat freely with one another without boys around. It was glorious.

  35. I had a book that was never discussed. Mom stocked up on pads and left them in the bathroom relatively in plain site (right next to the extra rolls of TP under the sink). When I started my period for the first time, it took me 2 or 3 days to tell her. Her response? “I’m so proud of you!” I was so confused. Why was she proud? What did I do? I’m not excited about bleeding for a week out of every month for the next 40 years.

    So enter my girls. My oldest didn’t start due to hardcore gymnastics until after she moved out of state with her dad. My middle girl? Kept asking me questions. How long do I wear a pad/tampon? It feels weird! I hate cramps. “I feel like the devil is taking a chainsaw to my vagina!” (That text made me laugh hysterically and then promptly commiserate). I’m thankful that she feels completely safe talking with me about it. I’m working on the sex thing too with her. She is almost 13. I’m very thankful that she has an innate sense of self-worth because it’s easier to give her the emotional tools and not worry about her too much…yet. 🙂

  36. No box, but i knew, mostly, what to expect. Make sure she knows she can ask you any questions (which you already do), and i think you are on the right path.

  37. NOPE. No period box here – ha! Although I knew everything about everything at a YOUNG age thanks to my mom being an OBGYN… And having ALL the books laying around. Lets just say… I got in a LOT of trouble when I was younger. LOL!

  38. My mother (born in 1916) was a child welfare social worker. She kept her box of Kotex on the floor of the closet, and every time I would ask, “Mama, what’s that?” (from about age two) she would explain as much as she thought I could understand for my age, so by the time I started I was very familiar with the whole thing.
    Her mother (born in 1888) had steeled herself to give her the Talk despite hardly being able to speak through the embarrassment, because no one had told her anything, and she thought she was dying. She was the oldest girl; she made sure her younger sisters knew something.
    So it sounds like my family were pioneers.

  39. You’ve got this for sure. I’m pretty sure I had to ask my dad to get me supplies. I’ve blocked out that awkward conversation.

    • !!!
      You made me realize I need to get this stuff together in case my daughter is at her Dad’s when she gets her period.

  41. Oh God I love your posts!
    No, I did not get a box of supplies. I believe I also got a book – I think it was “Our Bodies Our Selves” or something along those lines.
    I had comprehensive sex-ed in school so I think my mom just figured those two things combined was good. I do recall getting in trouble when I explained tampons to one of my friends during gym class though. HA!

    I wish I could offer some creative or inspirational advice.
    I am not religious but I always say, God knew what he was doing giving me a boy. If I had a daughter I would be a basket case. I have too many issues to have a girl.

    • Id totally forgotten about OUR BODIES OURSELVES as well!!! I definitely “borrowed” my mom’s copy and put it back so she didnt know Id borrowed it. Im sure she knew I’d borrowed it 🙂

  42. My mom was also straightforward with me and there was no presenting of a box. I wasn’t embarrassed because I had watched her deal with her period so when it was my time, I wasn’t scared and my mom actually freaked out. Years later I asked her why she freaked out when she is the one who prepped me for it. She said ” No amount of preparation could prepare you for when your baby grows up”.

    • OH JENNICE! Will that me be as well? 🙂 It definitely could be. And I think you make a point Ive thought about a lot as well. Mine has seen me “deal” with it for so long it is almost (almost 🙂 I dont think it is ever like, say, blowing your nose :-)) not a big deal…

  44. I need to order the Hello Flo box too!!!
    I hadn’t thought about how I could do the “talk” with my nine year old but I am all about any help and props 🙂

  45. No period box for me; my mother had stashed away a packet of the largest, thickest sanitary towels you can imagine! They were like mattresses! And to make matters worse, I got my period later than most, I was almost 17, so she’d had them for years! She was quite horrified when I told her I would be using tampons instead hehe.

  46. My mum had shared a book with me and shown me how to use pads etc… (She wasn’t ever a tampon kinda woman… and I’ve kinda been the same I guess).

    My period arrived in my early teens and she was at work one Saturday and my dad, brother and I were home. I told my dad and he was all panicked, and I was able to tell him I knew what to do. (I remember him asking if I wanted to ring mum and tell her and I said I’d wait until she got home and surprise her with the news. Unfortunately I can’t remember how she reacted etc.. and for all I know he’d already told her!).

  47. My mom bought me that book, too!!
    When I got my period, my step mom at the time gave me a little gift bag of underwear and other little cute knick knacks that I don’t recall.

  48. No box for me, just what I learned in school and a few pads to tuck away. Thankfully I did tuck them away and remembered where, because when I had my first period, I was home with just my 13-and 4-year old brothers in the house. I remember calling Mom at work, though, just to make sure I wasn’t dying LOL

    With Princess, we started talking about it around 3rd grade, I think, since I was an early starter and I thought she may start early as well. I did give her some supplies to play with/look at/take apart, but then the rest of the box went under the bathroom sink by my own, so she wouldn’t feel like everything was highly visible to the males in the family. We didn’t celebrate when she started, though I asked for and was given permission to tell her dad. And although she had me buy her sanitary products up until she went off to college last year and HAD to do it herself (MOM!!! Everybody’s LOOKING!), we have been able to talk about worries, concerns and shared discomforts just about from the get-go.

    I think your timing and presentation were just perfect for you and Tornado, just like your Mom was with you 🙂

  49. Yeah for you…… We did this too, really because school had done the class!!!! I did do this as well, for reference. I got small make-up bags and had them stash those in their lockers. Just in case it happened at school. Also once they got a little older I also gave them the option of inserts and liners. 18 and 13, they are all good, and I don’t think as I never heard a complaint that I did anything close to embarrassing them 🙂

    xoxoxo

  50. I remember being in 5th grade and getting “a box” in school. I only have a nine year old son but his father and I will soon have the “sex talk” with him. I don’t think he’ll believe us since he thinks sex is just kissing! Stopping by from the Sharefest.

  51. We have that book! I was considering getting her the next one soon. We’ve covered a lot of the menstrual stuff and she has started to have some body changes so there’s been a lot of questions. But 5th grade is when they get The Talk in school here, so I want to make sure we have The Talk at home first.

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