3 feelings I desire for 2016.

by

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(not a 2106 goal-feeling)

Sometimes the internet is like a game of telephone.

Someone reads an article and they tell 2 friends. And they tell 2 friends. And so on (please tell me you remember this?).

And, by the time the gist of the article is relayed to me, no one remembers either who initially shared or, more often than not, the true specifics of the piece.

My most recent experience with Internet-Like-Telephone centers around a friend saying she’d heard about a new approach to resolutions.

As she phrased it: a friend of hers said she’d heard someone had suggested in place of resolutions/New Year’s goals we identify 3 ways we want to *feel* in the coming year.

Regardless of origin, I loved the idea immediately.

I’ve been over resolutions for a while now.

Resolutions do not motivate me.

I’m the 82%.

I set goals, but I do so throughout the year as the spirit and opportunity strike me.

Personal, professional, parenting, spiritual, healthy living–all of it.

I set.

I revisit.

I shift course if I need to.

I work toward achieving while still making time to enjoy the process.

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Average. This is a feeling I’d not mind in 2016!

I definitely don’t require a shiny new year to prompt me to make resolutions.

But feelings?

How I hope to feel throughout the next 360+ days?

Identifying feelings felt like a good challenge and working to achieve/sustain said feelings felt like an endeavor which I could embrace.

At first, to my surprise, I went negative (!).

Instead of being my typical optimistic self I focused immediately on what I didn’t want to feel this next year.

I don’t want to feel lonely, I don’t want to feel stagnant type stuff.

This information was helpful (knowing what I don’t want is half the battle) yet that wasn’t my intention with the list.

I needed to heed my own advice, stop, and turn my words inside out.

3 Feelings I want to experience throughout 2016:

1)    Connection.

This is something I write about frequently because I’ve learned it’s crucial for me to feel hopeful about life. I know it’s impossible to feel strongly connected all the time (we all have people in our lives where after interactions with them we think: That was a really odd and awkward).  This coming year, however, I am choosing to feel it more often than not. I’m choosing carefully with whom I’ll spend my time.  I’m prioritizing surrounding myself with people who help me feel grounded/connected. I’m seeking work from brands and clients where I feel a connection with the product/mission.

2)    Comfy.

Having a child has shifted the way I view pretty much everything.  A few years ago, during a late night chat, she told me I made her feel comfy.  She shared she was nervous to sing in front of people, but not in front of me for that very reason. She continued, saying comfy means someone makes you feel like home and that’s what I do for her. I’ve pondered that conversation frequently and have decided that’s precisely what I want for myself these next 360-ish days. I want to feel comfy. I want to help others feel comfy. I want to feel like I’m home–wherever I am.

3)    Pride.

Once upon a time I  ranted about who can and cannot use the P-word with me. I stand by my rant. I’ve realized, however, I’ve not felt proud of my owndamnself in a while. That said, this is an example where turning one’s words inside out doesn’t work. I haven’t felt a teeming sense of pride lately, but I’ve also not experienced the opposite (shame? disappointment?).  Still, this is a signal for me I’ve lost sight of my passions. It’s an indication I’m not fully using my gifts. I do good work. I’m a good mother. I need want to find that extra something or push the extra mile and make 2016 the year of feeling consistently proud.

I’m really excited about my list for myriad reasons.

Unlike goals/resolutions these feelings are ones I can choose to find in practically each moment of every day.

I can create comfy. I can choose connection. I can work to make myself proud.

Unlike the goals/resolutions of which I’d grown tired, endeavoring to create these feelings in my life seems like an energizing endeavor.

I’m excited by the thought of taking time at the end of each day to reflect upon which, if any, of these feeling I experienced and how I might increase these experiences as the weeks progress.

Unlike resolutions I’m inviting you to join me and asking you the same question I asked myself:

  • Have you paused to consider what 3 feelings you want to most experience throughout 2016?

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Comments

  1. I have not paused to consider this but I definitely need more silence/quiet time. I guess the feeling of PEACE…peace and quiet!!
    And yes, I absolutely remember the telephone game 🙂

  2. I really love this idea. I need to think about what feelings I want but choosing them feels like taking back control of my emotions.

  3. I love this, Carla. Yes to all three! I’m feeling disconnected these days too, despite being surrounded by people all the time. Love that tank, btw! I’m ok with ok muscles too. 😉

  6. Definitely something for me to think about today and this year. Pride. That one struck me hard. I’ve never really put much thought into whether I’ve felt proud of myself lately, but I haven’t. And now I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to feel Pride, too.

    I’m going to sit and ponder how I want to feel this year over my hujass cup of coffee.

    xoxo

  7. Wow, this is a really interested way to approach the new year. The first word that comes to mind is accomplished. Then fit. Then loved–mostly by my kids.

  8. Oh, yes. All of this.

    I want a lot of things but many of them – peace, joy, security – are ongoing things I just want to preserve. For 2016? I want to feel authentic (meaning I am exactly what I claim to be and what I show the world), I want to feel effective (meaning I make a real difference), and I want to feel content with the life I create.

    And…the goals I’ve set for the next little while have nothing to do with those feelings, I just realized. They’re good goals…they’re important goals..,but they aren’t enough. I’m going to have to sit down and revisit my goals.

    Thanks. 🙂

  9. I love you. so many yeses. I want the feeling of painlessness and ease again this year. It has been 2 months since I had that at all. It is so much more than just a physical feeling–I feel it throughout my body and mind.

  10. Does “rested” count? I am so much ALWAYS in a state of “unrest” that the idea of rest is foreign.
    I’d also like to feel “calm” for much the same reason.
    And “significant.” Or “appreciated.” Both are so hard to come by in academia.

  11. this was a great post Carla – I chose a word for 2016 but I think it encompasses feelings too – I want to feel secure enough and brave enough to try new things if they come my way. I want to feel like I am true to myself and not trying to be who someone else wants me to be. I’m really hoping that 2016 is a year of growth and development for us all xx

  14. I like those words! Now you’ve got me thinking…

    This was the first time in YEARS that I actively chose to make New Years resolutions, since normally I choose a word to live by. I expect that next year by this time I’ll be *over* resolutions again 🙂 But for right now, it’s working!

  15. I want to feel…purposeful, belonging and proud. This year I too cannot shake the feeling that it’s been far too long since I was pause-a-second-and-reflect on what a challenge and success a task before me had turned out. Am I stil delivering them well but attached new meaning? A new bar? Have I dumbed down those I accept to conquer for a false sense of accomplishment? Or do I see it clearly and really need to seek and complete that which a scares the hell out of me but I know I can serve it? I cannot shake Elizabeth Gilbert’s premise of being your own damn superhero. I know from flexing the muscle before that when you do work and life in a way that makes me proud, everything else seems to line up too. Thanks for this post–a great way to start the morning.

  16. LOVE this….never stopped to think about the feelings I do want to feel. I guess like you I went to the things I did not want to feel…However I agree that I want to feel connected in more than just one relationship. I would say I also want to feel focused. I have been feeling lately that there is just something more that I am supposed to be doing but can’t really get the focus on what that is.

  18. I’ve never been a resolution person, not have I chosen a word for a year as many are doing these days. But I like this idea. Mine: calm; joyful; fulfilled.

  19. I want to feel comfy and strong. Being away from my house shouldn’t mean I can’t feel at home anywhere. And for me, strong is connected with confidence and a sense of being able to tackle whatever life throws at me. I want to work on feeling those things more. Excellent, thought-provoking post! 🙂

  20. What a great post! Definitely a lot of things I want to feel in 2016. Mostly right now, secure… that is one words that comes to mind. Right now things are not secure.

    Lots to think about. Thank you for sharing!!!

  22. LOVE this! I went with themes rather than goals for 2016, but I think feelings is an excellent idea! Will ponder this further…and comfy is a pretty darn good one!

  26. I love this! I don’t really have 3 words yet, but I do know that yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I found myself filled with joy in the moment, instead of either looking forward to doing something else (when I’m doing something bleh) or dreading having to go back to doing something else (when I’m doing something enjoyable).

    That’s where I want to be this year. Savoring the present!

  27. This is harder than I thought.

    Safe – I want to feel safe. In my own body and in my “place” in life.

    Confident – in my decision making and abilities as a parent/writer/person.

    Peaceful – I want to NOT feel like I am constantly waiting for something bad to happen. I need to let go of the “what ifs.”

  28. I really love this approach. It’s funny because as I was thinking about my word and goals for this year, a lot of it centered around how I wanted to feel – alive, confident, valued. loved. And by connection you mean you want me to come over and hang out? 😉

  29. Such a lovely idea! Have bookmarked this so I can remind you of em as the year goes on. Coz we shall be chatting regularly to connect and combat loneliness! 🙂

  30. I love the mindset behind this. I set yearly goals for myself, but I also don’t make resolutions just for resolution sake or because someone else is doing it. And the one on pride = YES. Pride in work means passion, so agree with that!
    My three feelings: curious, gracious, inspired.

  32. All worthy feelings!!

    I experienced pride with my accomplishments in the martial arts last year.

    Very grateful for that.

  33. Definitely a great idea! My post a couple days ago was about my anti-goals list for the next year. I wanted to write out behaviors and things that I did NOT want to repeat in the new year. Next up I’ll have to figure out what my feelings will be!

  37. I LOVE THIS! I need to keep this in mind, how you want to feel is so so so important. The goal oriented driven society that we live in doesn’t value that, you have to create value in the way you feel.

    My three things I want to feel in 2016 are spirtual, connected, and I’m with you on the P world… prideful!

  38. I tend to assume people with parters and kids don’t feel quite as alone or lonely as there’s someone to share stuff with at the end of the day, but realise it’s a bit about finding your ‘tribe’… which I think has been the case with me. I’ve never been one for a lot of friends but always had an inner circle. With the departure of a friend last year, that circle has shrunk in my new hometown… though I have made contact with a couple of new people (writers) which has been great.

    I think I’d go to the negative as well when working out how I want to feel… I don’t how I DON’T want to feel – I don’t want to feel guilty about wasted opportunities … something which has plagued me for a while now.

    xx

  40. I absolutely love the words and feelings you chose. Through blogging again back in NYC I want to feel connected. I want to also feel connected to my husband, family and friends. I want to feel proud of everything I do, publish, and attempt. Whether that’s a blog post, a race or a workout. As always – you inspire me Carla!!

  41. I love your three choices. I especially like connection and choosing to prioritize who you spend your time with. I think that’d be one I’d like to focus on in the upcoming year too. Not spending time (or energy) on people that bring you down, but focusing on those who lift you up and who you can lift up too.

  43. I think I would have to go for:
    – balanced – as I currently feel crazy busy pulled in a billion directions
    – loved – because you know
    – motivated – I have been slacking on my workouts, food, friend time, everything lately and I need to get back to a place where I feel motivated to get it all in.

  45. This is a great post! It really made me stop and think, as I have never considered the ‘feelings” I would most like to experience in the new year. What a great addition to the traditional goal setting activity many of us do for the new year.

    The 3 feelings I would like to experience in 2016 are: clarity, contentment, and joy.

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