The secret to my success.

by

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many accomplishments contained inside.

I may be a misfit & oddly comfortable in my swiftly-wrinkling skin, yet even I hesitated before hitting PUBLISH on a post bearing today’s title.

Success is such an odd word.

One woman’s definition (money, fancy home, fast cars, unlimited high quality jerky) may look entirely unlike another (time to pursue passions, enough money to cover basic bills, a loving partner).

I’d imagine there are as many definitions for the word success as there are people using it.

On top of that, if you’re anything like I am, your definition is fluid, too.

My current definition reads like this: The achievement of something planned and worked toward.

The key, for me, is in the effort.

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 last place? success!

A success which “fell in my lap” would feel hollow as it’s the committing to and working toward which makes success feel gratifying for me.

No matter the achievement.

Last week, apropos of nothing, I received a flurry of emails from peers who are feeling frustrated with the State of Blogging.

The messages varied, but the overarching question (and use of the S-word) was consistent:

I’ve blogged for years and it seems to be getting harder. How can I become a successful, full-time blogger?

To their collective chagrin I tossed the question right back to them.

  • I challenged each one to clearly define how success would look/feel like for them.
  • I suggested they list (for themselves) all the times they can remember when they’ve achieved their definition of success.

Believing you are successful and will continue to be successful is crucial.

I wasn’t interested in debating whether blogging is “over” or not–I wanted to focus on how they could attract more of the specific kind of success they wanted into their lives.

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walked instead of running a half? SUCCESS.

All of my emailers responded they couldn’t quite define what success looked like for them—they just knew they weren’t there.

And they were no longer sure they could “make it.”

This uncertainty resonated with me.

I struggled less when life was simpler (pre-marriage, pre-child, pre-canines, pre-pre-pre), yet admittedly even then I wrestled with “knowing I could do it.”

My solution was to create a success box.

It was an idea born when I dated the now-Husband.

Each time he’d compliment me (“I loved your Experience Life Magazine article.”) I’d joke I was “putting the words in my pocket.”

I’d tell him, in jest, I was saving his niceties to reread when I felt like crap (technical term) about my freelance career.

Life grew more hectic.

We married. We moved. I opened my training studio.

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mid-90’s pics– we love ye.

I quickly saw it wasn’t enough to metaphorically hold on to compliments.

I desired tangible reminders of past success for moments when I felt utterly unsuccessful.

I began saving everything on my smart-phone.

  • Kind words emailed from a client? Save.
  • Praise from editors about articles I submitted? SAVE.
  • Voice mails from friends & family telling me I rocked? Save Save Save.

The best predictor of future success is past success.

If I felt uncertain about an assignment or challenge all I needed to do to ‘predict my success’ was return to my electronically-stored items.

Life grew more hectic.

We moved again. Our two became THREE (5 when you counted canines).

Smart-phone saving no longer met my needs. I craved something tangible.

I longed for successes I could *touch* as I worked to reminded myself:

I’ve succeeded before. I *can* do it again.

I printed & printed & cut & trimmed.

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Happy when there are grey skies? Success!

I took all my now-tangible compliments and created the success box at the top of the post.

And I visited/went through it pretty damn regularly.

I still do.

Sometimes I add printed-niceties to its contents, but mostly I visit to remind myself—on days when nothing feels “successful”—I’ve succeeded before and I will again.

The secret of my success can be found in my past.

It all comes from reflecting, remembering & reminding myself I’ve succeeded before and I’ve got this.

And you?

  • How do you define success?
  • How do you encourage yourself when doubt rears its ugly head?

 

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Comments

  1. Oh I like this! You often hear – don’t look in the past, that’s not the way you are going – but you really can learn a lot from the past. And feel like you have accomplished a lot.

  2. Over the years my definition has changed, but right now successful at me is going to sleep at night feeling good about my work of the day.

  3. I love how you posed the question right back at them. Until you define it for yourself, how do you know?? I’m currently working though the “success” definition myself. In racing, I know exactly what defines success for me but, in my career it’s a little shadier…the beauty is, I can work on the definition as long as I like.

    PS – LOVE your 90s fitness studio!

  4. I think it was Richard Branson who has that quote about say yes to something and figure out how to do it later?
    I can’t do that because I get really nervous I won’t be able to do that. Whatever it is. I need a success box.
    Great idea.

  5. This is definitely a good idea! I always forget to stop and listen to the compliments or nice things bc once I reach some achievement I’m always looking at how to get to the next one. I need to slow down sometimes and remember the successes!

  6. I’ve fallen into the trap of defining success as money. Mainly because it feels like the measurement everyone else is using :/

  7. I was just having a conversation about this with a few bloggers yesterday. Here is my definition of success- happiness and being in competition with no one but myself. Just every day trying to find ways to be a better me and truly reveling in moments of happiness that are hard won because the older I get the more I realize how rapidly those moments pass. Also I LOVE THIS POST AND YOU AND YOUR BLOG.

  8. My definition of success has evolved over the years. In my younger years, success would have meant financial and success. Now, in my 50s, it’s contentment with a life well lived. Goals achieved. Happiness. No regrets.

    As far as blogging goes, I consider my blog a success because I’ve reached other bloggers and we’ve encouraged each other to success on the road. And off. I’m not going to make any money off my blog, but it sure has been a fun ride!

  9. I love how you save your compliments! I know I’m successful at my career and I definitely work for it, but I measure it in how much I enjoy my work vs. how many dollars I make.

  10. A few years back, hubs got me a “Hope Chest” for my birthday. Now. although I live on the word “hope,” as it defines our lives since his terminal cancer diagnosis, I immediately renamed the chest, “My Treasure Chest.” Let’s face it, after 40 years of marriage, I didn’t need to be saving linens, etc. for future housekeeping, which is the traditional use for a “Hope Chest.” Every time in the years since receiving the antique chest, that I got something that was especially meaningful to me, I would throw it into that chest. It has become a mish-mosh of cards, pictures handmade by grandchildren, and a lot of lovely, sentimental things (sayings, poems, blogs–like yours) that I find on the Internet, and like to save. I need to get it organized someday. It’s on my to-do list.

    “Success is in the journey.” I like that. After losing 178 lbs., I feel like a walking, talking success, somewhat tempered by the slight regain I’ve experienced in the last year. But now, with half of that regain gone yet again, I’m feeling more successful, especially in the attitude I have now and in my mindset, which is crucial for me in weight loss/maintenance.

    At a funeral for an ex-co-worker a few weeks ago, one of my pre-retirement bosses told me I was looking good. When I diffused his compliment (as all of us are wont to do), by saying I was in the process once again of losing some weight, he told me, “You can consider yourself a success.” That meant more to me than I could ever tell him. So few people ever notice a weight loss maintenance victory. Sure, they notice when you first lose over half your body weight, but when you’ve kept (most) of it off for over 5 years, nobody notices. It’s just “expected,” even though a very, very small percentage of people maintain any kind of weight loss. I put his compliment “in my pocket,” and think of it often. It helps keep me motivated to lose the rest of the regain and it makes me happy. Success = Happiness!!! I guess that is the definition to me.

  11. I love how you posed the question right back….I think my definition of success has definitely changed over the years… early in my career I think I was motivated more by money as the determining factor of success and now I measure success by having more or a work/life balance and cherishing those little moments!

  13. Carla, I love this! Putting this into practice TODAY because I regularly need a reminder of my successes. Years ago (pre-kids) I kept a “smile file” for the same reason. Slowly lost touch with this practice but re-implementing again. Great advice, as usual. 🙂

  14. the fact that so many people emailed you to discuss what success looks like shows what a successful person you are Carla. I admire you so much – you’ve achieved (and keep on achieving) so much more than I could ever imagine – the box is just the cherry on the top!

  15. I also keep certain emails or notes to remind me of my successes when I need them. The most important thing to me is to set realistic goals and work towards them. That is how I keep working towards my version of success.

  16. I have an “email from friends” and “comments to keep” folder in my email. I also screenshot texts or whatever that blow me away. Putting a smile onto someone else’s face or impacting them in a positive way is the greatest metric for success, to me!

    • <3 <3 There is no higher compliment for me than someone reading my words and feeling called to share them.

  18. I could use a success box. I often struggle with this and even though I know I am successful I often feel a ton of self doubt. Measuring success can be so hard! Thank you for the food for thought!

  20. Yes my definition is constantly changing and I think sometimes that’s not such a great thing. I need to dig a little deeper and start defining success on a feeling because that’s what I really want.

    LOVE the idea of saving the good

  21. Now you have me thinking about what success should be for me, and whether anything in the past that i’ve accomplished would make me feel like i can tackle things now.

  22. Many great points! My definition of success as a blogger is that I feel really good about what I’m doing everyday. That has changed through the years, as well as the meaning of success for myself. Now, at 61, success is feeling good about my life in the present.
    Be here now is what I’m all about…

    “Don’t look back, that’s not where you’re going.”

    • I really like that as well. FEELING GOOD ABOUT MY LIFE IN THE PRESENT. As so many of my peers who wrote were feeling anxiety which was an indication they were living in the future!

  23. My definition of success varies daily. I feel successful when I’m doing what I love and making a living from it but that’s such a cliche, isn’t it? But, to me, it’s the truth. I also feel successful when my kids are feeling successful. And sometimes, it’s just the little things like having a plant live more than 3 weeks!

    • I say that so often too (it’s a cliche but…) and then I remind myself 🙂 cliches become cliche for a REASON! <3

  24. Love how you reframed the success question from those who emailed you. Now to ponder my current definition of success. It may have to do with changing from jammies to dog walking clothes before noon.

  25. Great reminder that we’ve succeeded before, and we can succeed, again. We also need to remember there are ebbs and flows to every stage of life, so let’s not make a major decision until we’re sure this isn’t one of those times. Brenda

  26. Gosh, that’s so true. The past is a good reminder of our success. And yes, it does look differently for everyone. I see success as being happy every day at whatever is you are doing. Money is important but secondary for sure!

  27. I was JUST talking to a friend about this last night. My definition of success has evolved so much in just 15 years… 10 years… 5 years… 2 years… LOL! You have to be open to the evolution of it evolving! Life is a jungle gym (thank you, Sheryl Sandberg).

  28. I like your current definition of success, achieving something you planned and work towards, that is mine for now too. I’m in a happy place in life right now, that could be success too!

  29. I am lost right now – lost on this head of mine & the struggles of life. I have no idea how to answer this. I know I create this myself but the struggles get tiring… The blog world too & IG & FB 🙂

    I know! 😉

  30. I had my observation/evaluation this past week. It was probably my 60 th one as “newer” educators have to have several and not just one per year. It still makes me nervous. I dressed like a preschooler with a tutu and kitty leggings, braided my hair and had on a “Care Bear” shirt. I read a story and followed it up with a rhyming activity. I pulled out the trusty guitar and sang a song to and for the kids-they had to listen for the rhymes. The school director and I had a nice talk about the years “successes”- one success was dismissing about a dozen children from my speech program as they had made so much progress. Another success was being asked by three students to “come to their house to play”. It’s been a glorious 40 years in public education.

  33. I used to think success was a weight loss number. 168 pounds, for awhile, then I decided 150 would be better. After I got to 175 pounds and then regained a bunch, the Golden Amazing Achievable 175 became my success number. If only I could get back there.

    Somehow over the past year, the number became less and less of the goal. I stopped being frustrated at every number that was not 175 (and truly, who wants to live with frustration and a sense of failure every day until you hit your goal?) and now the number has become just a measure of weight to me… not a measure of success. Instead, success is a happy day. It is a day that I did a good job as a Mom, a day where I took care of people and animals and things I love. Every day can be success to me now, and that is such a happier existence!

  34. Oh this is hard for me. I know I’m not there (successful) but don’t know what would make me thus. I’m sure even if I had more readers and commenters on my blog and was successfully pitching stories to magazines and sites, my goalposts would change and I still wouldn’t be ‘successful’.

    • and that in and of itself is really useful information–yes? you keep moving the needle on YOU so you’ll never hit it. never get there. we need to STOP THAT NEEDLE <3

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