My search for a shared sense of humor.

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For me having a sense of humor in life is pivotal.

When all else fails, when you’ve accidentally given yourself a new haircut, when you fear your child is going off the rails, when you cannot see a way out of every single shitty situation you’ve gotten yourself into, the ability to find levity is lifesaving.

For me having a shared sense of humor in relationships is pivotal.

All relationships—from family to friends.

From virtual coworker to those of a more romantic sort.

Shared humor not only diffuses what could potentially be tense situations–it reinforces connection.

For me (and via a very unscientific poll everysingleoneofmyfriends) shared laughter is the only means to carving a pathway to lasting human ties.

The challenge, however, becomes finding companions and confidants with a similar humor dynamic.

To unapologetically borrow a phrase from the #LadyPosse:

Aligned humor is more difficult to find than good sex.

Why so elusive? Beats the crap out of me.

Why so important? That one I know…

First, let’s be honest, it’s like Marilyn Monroe said:

Laughter is release.

Consider your primary relationships. Think about a crappy day you’ve recently had. If you’re anything like I am the way said crappiness was released was through shared laughter.

Intersecting senses of humor spark me to get excited to tell my tales as I’m aware, even when the stories are soul-sucking, I’ll soon be able to reframe through laughter.

Shared snickers defuses life-tension so I’m able to be fully present in relationships. In addition, the reverse is powerfully true.

No shared humor + no release of stress + failed attempts at joint frivolity equals, most times, no more relationship.

I’m an easy audience.

Banter is bonding.

Inside jokes indicate a shared understanding of how the world works. These little exchanges reinforce the idea two (or three or four) of us have created a dynamic which is different from other relationships in our lives.

Easy banter is connection. It’s the sense of a relationship (romantic or platonic) being home.

It’s a person reflecting back to you I get how you see the world because I see it that way, too.

It’s a concurrently wordless and wordfilled way of saying I’ve got you.

chortling is connection.

Merriment makes you all you need.

Recently, on a texting tear with a new friend, I was given a compliment.

Now, I refuse to lend brainpower to whether my friend viewed it as such when proffered, but to my mind it was one of the highest sort.

You have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.

I’m stuck with me. Long-term until death do us part.

And, if “me” is comprised of the humor stylings of a 12-year-old boy, that.sounds.awesome.

Also (here‘s the most important part) when you are all you need, when you are 100% OK being alone, that’s when you’re prepared for healthy relationships of any variety.

We need to be our own best audiences before we can connect humorously with others.

I crack myself up.

Over here a shared sense of humor is the launching pad for love.

And consistently intersecting with regards to where & why we laugh is why love endures.

All the different kinds of love.

And you?

  • Is shared sense of humor important to you in creating/maintaining relationships?
  • Do you have the humor sensibilities of a 12 year old boy?

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Comments

  2. 3 cheers for the 12 year old boys in all of us!
    I would take that as a compliment of the highest, too

  3. OMG so true and maybe especially as we get older and weed out those who don’t share our humor…or seemingly anything else! Also – I need that cussing shirt asap!

  4. YES YES YES!!! When someone can make me snort, life is GOOD!!! And I love when I take on the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy or someone else does. Laughter is KEY these days.

  6. I joke a lot that I have the sense of humor of an adolescent boy. Yikes…

    You are so right about having a shared sense of humor. My husband and I always have had that. Lately tho, not so much–he’s been very grumpy. I’m sure he’s feeling overwhelmed about something–I’m giving him some space but I hope his sense of humor comes back soon! I need someone to laugh with…

  8. There is so much truth to this. As I have gotten older, I have surrounded myself with people who share my often dark (and very sweary) sense of humor. People that don’t get me can just see themselves to the door 😉

  10. I agree with everyone of these, Carla, and I love the shirt, all your photos. My husband is starting a new series of cancer treatments. I’m so fortunate as he has a great sense of humor. We live on a BALL IN THE UNIVERSE, keep laughing so we don’t fall off.

  11. While i don’t necessarily have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy, i have raised a couple of them and i both understand and appreciate how things are funny to them and why. Thus i can laugh because they see it as funny, not necessarily because it is funny to me.

    A shared sense of humor is the very best bond of all.

  12. My sense of humor is more that of a preschooler…because that’s the age of the children with whom I work. I find that being silly and fun is a great way to connect with them….especially when they are having a difficult day.

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