The Other Side of the Couch: Mother Warriors.

by

As we’ve previously established, we’re not gonna be all Oprah all the time up in herre.

I do, however, wanna highlight shows whose themes have touched me.

Less out of wanting to rehash the show and more out of a desire to know if you were affected as I was & what youre thinking now.

Anyone see Wednesday’s show (or, if youre me, you tivo’d & watched friday at the crack of dawn)?

The show focused (somewhat on Jenny McCarthy/autism but more) on the concept of Mother Warriors & left me speechless.

For Jenny the term Mother Warrior seemed to be defined as moms who work tirelessly as advocates for their special needs kids.

After watching the show I believed more than ever that all mothers WOMEN are, in their own fashion, warriors.

Battling tirelessly for our children, partners/spouses, and communities.

The show’s main guest was a woman named Monica.

Monica was diagnosed with flesh-eating bacteria immediately after giving birth.

She fought for her life and won—-but emerged from the hospital only after having her arms and legs amputated.

What struck me, apropos of this, was that Monica wasnt bitter. She didnt wallow in WHY ME but asserted to the medical staff, essentially, do what you have to do cuz I need to go home and love my daughters.

This mother would like to think she’d be a WARRIOR if faced with that scenario, but I cant say for certain.

I can say that I paused the show and sat with the entire story for a moment and attempted to figure out how Monica was able to react as she did.

I tried to discern why many of us (perhaps the ‘of us’ typing this post) would have held the world’s longest pity party (catered by Little Debbie) as a best case scenario and, as worst case, perhaps entirely given up.

When I hit play the next words out of Jenny McCarthy’s mouth were, as Monica walked on stage with her prosthetics, SHE’S GOING TO BRING THE LIGHT.

And there was my answer.

I dont know if the Mother Woman Warrior is born with the light or if it’s the fight that ignites the spark —– but Jenny nailed it with what she said.

Monica Mother Warrior didnt loll about and wail why me because she accepted what was and, once she surrendered to her situation, she was able to move forward in peace.

I adored duality of her being simultaneously the powerful warrior *and* surrendering.

That Monica fought like hell to get out of the rehabilitation hospital/home to be a mother and that in order to commence that fight she had to almost embrace her situation.

The longer I sat with her story the more I wondered if Monica didnt need to locate the tiniest of silver linings (Im still alive!) in the black cloud which had *suddenly* become her life in order to find her place of gratitude and be able to rise again as a Mother Warrior.

The whole story (her husband? un-frickin-believable. strong loving supportive amazing) was unlike anything Id ever heard and yet wholly applicable to all of our lives.

We’re all battling something. Warriors in some fashion.

Our warrior paths may not be as readily apparent to the outside world as Monica’s—-but that doesnt make them any less of a battle or less important.

I lean toward a Woman Warrior definition of one who is engaged energetically and *tirelessly* in an activity, cause or conflict.

Lay it on me, People.

Did you see the show? What did *you* think? Was it as powerful to you as it was to me?

Or is there a reason why we werent inundated with blog posts about it on thursday?

I know it’s the weekend. If you have a spare moment please to hit us up in the comments.

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Comments

  1. Guess I need to watch TV occasionally.

    This woman deserves kudos – I am almost positive that if something like that happened to me, I would most certainly give up, or at the very least, become bitter and despondent.

    It’s true, what you say, about everyone being a warrior in their own fight, but some of us are only in pillow fights…
    (which is part of the reason I’m up and commenting so early on a Saturday – I was fighting with my pillow…….)

  2. I didn’t see it, but it sounds like something that would have been very inspiring.

    Certain people I know need a healthy serve of something like this to make them realise how lucky they are. Maybe it might stop them whining so much about the very small problems they have (comparitively speaking), and how they should be reacting differently to their lives problems.

  3. Forme the show/the concept was powerful in its framing of the notion of warrior.

    I was so moved by all that people said they were grateful for this week…all that people saw PAST and were able to view in a different lights (having a fantastic father, for example, not lamenting his no longer being here) that this seemed further explore it.

    BL? methinks you underestimate yourself 🙂 all the stuff you do all day on the ranch? good GOSH I fear Id be a whining lamenting pile of goo (and Im not even thinking about the MIL house painting yet :))

    AJH? I know. Im praying (visualizing?) that whomever puts our world into motion/plans out our paths realizes that I NEED NO SUCH WAKE UP CALL 🙂

    I’ll volunteer to be a Woman Warrior in service to someone else’s battle.

    Miz.

  4. I didn’t see the show. I wish I had. 🙁

    I really, honestly believe that there’s a core of strength in most of us that we never suspect exists. Thanks be to God that I have never undergone an experience like Monica’s, but I have, in difficult times, watched people around me rise to the occasion in ways that take my breath away. DH, for example, has shocked me to speechless tears of gratitude at times with his acceptance and willingness to work through things. People like my neighbor, Beth, amaze me daily with their acceptance and fortitude in the face of adversity.

    I think you hit the nail on the head. Some fights can only be fought by surrendering to the inevitability. It’s about what you’re struggling against. As long as we struggle against the things that are hard, we are always going to be losers. When we accept them and start the struggle to come through them as the best we can be, and to keep those hard things from defining us and our lives…that’s when the Warrior truly emerges.

    I don’t know what I would do in Monica’s situation. Part of me would want to just give up. But when I think of my daughters growing up without me – flawed specimen of motherhood that I may be – I don’t think I could. I’m quite sure I wouldn’t be the shining example of courage and determination that she is, (there’d be a great deal of whining and crying and cursing and swearing from this sector, I’m sure, and I’d NEED that rock-solid support, for sure) but I think I would hang on tooth and nail to give them whatever I could of me. At least, I hope that’s true. You never, ever know what you would do until you’re in that situation – and like you, Miz, I pray I never have to find out.

    I know this phenomenon isn’t limited to mothers – I’ve definitely seen it in others as well – but I think it’s amazing how motherhood can change you. As a teenager, I was on a couple of occasions actively suicidal. Giving up is not foreign to me! But even though I’ve been through battles with major depression and panic disorder since becoming a mother, giving up was somehow completely removed from my list of options. No matter how bad things got, the idea of inflicting suffering on my kids to alleviate my own just…somehow doesn’t scan.

    But again, you never know till you’re there. And when faced with someone who HAS been there, and has come through like this…I can only say, wow. What an amazing person.

    V.

  5. and is it wrong to say I SO hoped youd chime in, V?

    thank you.

    why do I imagine, valerie, you, too, have the light.

    M.

  6. Wow! Sorry to say I did not see that show. As a recovering control freak, all I could think when I read your post about Monica was the word surrender! What an amazing person she is to surrender and say I have no control over this I have to move on, it is what it is, what can I do from here….accept! I’m not sure if that made sense, but I know what I mean. I don’t know that I would ever have the strength to be that person. But like you said, we’ve never had “that” fight! Wow! She is an amazing person.

    Thanks for this post!

  7. Hi Miz. I do not watch Oprah but I totally got what you were saying. As women we seem to be stronger when it comes to courage. Men are courageous when there is a burglar in the house or if you go to a scary movie (and I by no means want to insult men) but when it comes to holding families together or coming to the rescue of their children women really are in the forefront. I come from a divorced family and growing my mom sacraficed a lot in order for me to have the life she felt that I should.

    I think that the human spirit is strong and that when challenged we are triumphant. I love your post today and as you know I have had many moments of “HOLY COW” in the last few weeks as I am constantly amazed by the strength people have in the face of a life changing event.

    I have a smallish fam but we will be 9 for dinner on Monday…wanna come over? 🙂

    Happy New Year may this year bring you happiness, gratitude and joy.

    xox
    Shosh

  8. I am a recovering victim (my default setting is to see me as the object of my life rather than the subject), and stories like this amaze me. I do not think I have the wherewithal to be so graceful in similar circumstances.

    I didn’t see the episode, but I’ll watch for it the next time around. Sounds incredibly inspiring.

  9. Natalia? your comment entirely made sense to me (whatever THAT SAYS :))

    Shosh? Im gonna look for the youtube link to the show—-but that’s almost less important than the over-arching theme, huh?

    and careful what you offer. I may pack up the Ren Man, the Tornado, grab a bag of apples and a jar of honey and hit the road!

    Lori? I think you may underestimate yourself and the fact that you, too, have the light inside.

    is it there in all of us ready to be sparked to a flame at any moment? I really do think so.

    here’s hoping you never need to find out…yet at the same time Im curious if–by virtue of the fact that youve changed your default mindset a battle in and of itself!—if you already HAVE found your light.

    M.

  10. roar! (as in “I am woman, hear me!”)

    I didn’t get to watch Oprah. I was walking my doggies, I think. I have seen Jenny McCarthy on before about her son, and she is totally passionate about helping him in any way possible.

    I guess I know a little something about doing whatever is necessary for you child. It isn’t easy. There is no instruction manual. It is exhausting.

    BUT – every little thing that happens to show me that we are making progress convinces me that I am doing the right things right. And with every little blessing, the burden gets a little lighter. And with every lightening of my spirit, I grow in some way.

    I don’t have time to wallow – it would actually be easier but more exhausting to do that. I simply refuse to go there. Maybe that’s my “light” as well.

  11. Surrendering is the only way to move on. If you don’t accept where you are, then you do not move away from it.
    Accepting, for the record, does not have to mean liking. If you like where you are you don’t move either and nothing would ever change.

  12. I’ll say it even if she won’t:

    FDW? The quintessential Mother Warrior.

    Please to clickclickclick to her blog.

    M.

  14. I don’t watch Oprah unless I happen to be at the gym at that time. I really wish I had seen this one.

    I think that motherhood definitely brings out the warrior in us. I would fight to the death for my children. I’m not sure I would have done it for myself before I had kids. Fortunately, I never had occasion to find out.

    Monica is amazing. I’m not sure how I would have reacted in that same situation. I have had some crappy health stuff that definitely put me in a depression, and it wasn’t anything close to terminal. It also wasn’t something I could fight, just something that was. I do think that if faced with a similar situation to Monica’s, I would fight so my kids would still have a mom. I just wonder if I would do it with such grace.

    Thanks for the thoughty pose Miz.

  15. uh, what Leah said (thanks for that. You’ve such a gift with words)

    And I do think that its hard to Warrior for ourselves but for our families or our *communities* (I know a few Woman Warriors in that capacity) the light/strength is ignited.

    M.

  16. Ironically, I watched the show last night. Tivo saved my world. Monica and Tony?? Inspiration in the flesh on parenting, marriage-ing, loving, supporting, BEING. They exude the kind of calm power and focus I crave in my own life.

    Still processing, but they taught me in snippits about evaluating my own courage, hope and truth. Am I the fighter I want to be? How is my attitude? How do I approach struggles in my own lil corner of the universe? What am I teaching my girls with MY responses to conflict? Do I release things and truly let them go? Do I focus on the future and not the past? Am I focused on warrior-ing others or stuck on myself?

    Or, in the life-altering words that a dear & true friend once said (which continue to guide my days)

    WHAT QUESTION DO I WANT MY LIFE TO ANSWER?

  17. Im praying (visualizing?) that whomever puts our world into motion/plans out our paths realizes that I NEED NO SUCH WAKE UP CALL
    ******
    I’ve thought exactly the same thing! I’m very lucky and grateful for everything I have, Powers-That-Be, please don’t zap me with a tragedy to teach me a lesson I don’t need to learn!

    I think I could probably handle the loss of one arm or one leg without too much whining, but losing all four limbs?!…I don’t even want to think about it.

    Believe it or not I’ve never seen the Oprah show; haven’t had cable hook-up for 20 years. If it’s not available on DVD, I haven’t seen it.

  18. Oh, I missed that show. I wish I’d seen it!

    I love the idea of the mother warrior. There’s a tremendous truth there. A mother has strength and fight and fire inside far beyond what she even realizes. But, it’s there, should she need it.

    We have no idea what we can do if we have to.

    Love this post!

  19. yes. I am easing my way to readingnotTALKING but…

    First?

    Tricia is a woman who walks the walk (thanks for the WHAT QUESTION DO I WANT MY LIFE TO ANSWER? shoutout, friend. You *know* I still have that on my computer and there’s a post coming at some point when I take a break from living it to write about it.)

    dragonmamma? that was precisely what monica said when pressed by the Great and Mighty O with regards to the fact she must have lamented SOMEWHAT.

    she laughed and said that she did have her moments where she asked G-d why she couldnt have had just ONE limb left.

    mama zen? Id love to get a link to to entire show (I didnt even mention the articulate, calm, ZENlike, gentle person who was JIM CARREY!)——–Im gonna see if I can.

    M.

  20. I didn’t see it (don’t have cable at the minute) but you’re the second person who’s posted about it (that I’ve read) and so I really wish I had.

    I wish all TV was available online.

  21. It’s amazing what some people can do when faced with adversity. I’ve seen both sides of the spectrum, unfortunately with people that passed from cancer. Some people do play the pitty party and never “accept” what is happening, but some do rise to the occasion and live their life (or the rest of their lives) with amazing abilities to inspire others. I figure if I could live my life with half the dignitity, grace and gratitude that these women have then I’ve accomplished something really great in my life!

    I just have to add that it’s important to remember that having a small pitty party is not a bad thing…sometimes what happens sucks and you need to express it (at least the amazing women I’ve encountered it happens), but the important part is that you don’t let it emcompase you.

    My mom always said…no matter what you go through there are always people who have it worse. How can we live our lives in self pitty when we’ve been given so much!?

  22. I must admit – I tend to be a wallower. However, when I see/hear about women like this – who are overcoming their obstacles against all odds and by sheer determination – it motivates and inspires me to try to my life (and someone else’s) a little bit better if I can.

  23. I know christine….I could only find that piece I linked in the post.

    and DBJ? Im 100% with you on the pity party (sugar soiree? who can say.)
    I came to this from a Keats poem (I need to find that—leah? why do I think youd know offhand) but essentially if we dont crush our sorrow/grief/selfpity like a slice of lemon in our mouth and EMBRACE the sourness of it all we can never move beyond.

    M.

  24. We’re all Mother Warriors. Whether it’s through an illness, or divorce, or something else, we all soldier on when it comes to our kids…

    …but what about those Moms who don’t LOOK like that? The crack moms, the mentally ill, the abusive. At some point they loved their child more than life itself, even for just a moment…and then something happened.

    I love posts like yours MzFit, because it stimulates the brain cells. Thanks for reminding me that I have so much to be grateful for, even in the face of a crappy life situation…

    …and I remember, whenever I’m going through something I know it’s NOT my life, but my LIFE SITUATION. And, it will pass.

    Soldier on, everyone!!! No pity parties! (I LOVE Jenny McCarthy, too!!)

  25. Omg….MizFit!!!!! Jump over to my blog!! I watched it yesterday evening…..I am just getting caught up on recorded shows for the week. I was ready to jump out of my chair and blog then but decided to save it for today. Then this morning upon awakening to an awful scene outside our house, I was sooooo glad I watched it first. Mother Warrior in me in strong today. I will watch that episode over and over whenever I start to feel self pity. EVERY mother out there needs to watch it. This is one of the most powerful episodes ever.

  27. Ms.V? Im honored if I get yer braincells going.
    I couldnt sleep last night with how my mind was ruminating on the warrior and the light.

    annettte? I CANT WAIT. Im currently ThumbTyperMcGee and will be by later when Im at the computer.

    and Ive said it before but not I didnt yet have the words:
    you, annette, bring the light inside you to many.

    M.

  28. Monica’s story is amazing. I too would like to think that I’d be able to pull up my boot straps, but you never know until it actually happens to you.

    What I do know, is that becoming a mother has rocked my world beyond comprehesion. I do what I have to do every day for her. Is it easy? no. Do I get tired? yes. Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY. And I would do it a gazillion times over, just to make sure that she is taken care of and has what she needs. I’d like to think of myself as a warrior, but I think by definition MOTHER = WARRIOR.

  29. Thank you for writing about this. I don’t get to watch Oprah & don’t DVR it, but I just read the recap on Oprah’s website. What an incredible story.

    Lately I’ve been really conscious of trying to halt my internal whining, when I’m cleaning the kitchen *again*, doing laundry *again*, dragging our stuff in and out of the car from a day of school & work *again*. It sometimes seems so monotonous and overwhelming. Yet, I have it so easy! What right have I to complain or whine, even if it’s just to myself? I should be rejoicing, and am trying to, that I am blessed to have a safe home, safe country, electricity, running water, clean water to drink, and machines to do my chores.

    And I too don’t wish for that wake up call. I’m afraid it’s about to come in the form of a financial meltdown in our country (God helps us all if the Paulson package doesn’t pass). But I’m trying not to let the fear paralyze me. Stories like Monica’s perhaps give a glimpse that the unimaginable can be overcome, when Mother Warrior girds her heart and her family sticks together.

  31. OK, I don’t get it. These women are doing what mothers are SUPPOSED to do. Does that make them heroes? No more than any other mother I guess. Look, ALL people need to step up to the plate when it comes to their lives. I didn’t see the show (I don’t watch Oprah anymore) but I did read the articles and was left with a feeling of “And? So?”

  32. I didn’t see the show. I was going to post a comment, but it was too long, so I’ll put it up on my blog (sorry, but it was a long one).

  34. interesting perspective, Kate and SO brought to my mind the line from one of (I think it was) chris rock’s stand ups where he says, essentially, that so often what men want recognition for is what they are SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
    what makes them a MAN.

    I have to admit I hadnt thought of it in this way. that, as mothers (as humans? when the WARRIOR is for the community not the family) we are ‘supposed’ to fight and it should be those who DONT who are the “WAIT WHAT?!” not those who stand up and do.

    those with the light should, indeed, be the norm.

    thanks for getting ME thinking.

    M., who loves the long comments Tricia2. Bring It On (a shout out to another thing I love. anyone?)

  35. I live in the Pacific Northwest. While I did not see the Oprah story, I was recently struck to the heart by this story http://www.komonews.com/news/28125714.html about a woman who recently gave birth and then lost her arms, her legs, AND her sight. She will never see her new baby.

    Somehow this story made me think about being grateful for what I have. Being ever so grateful for my fat legs and my arms with the hanging bat-wings of loose skin and the ability to SEE my children, the flowers, the sky. It made me think I need to quit whining because none of us really knows if we will lose our limbs or sight or lives tomorrow.

    Yes, we are all warriors. And women like these, they should inspire us not to wallow, but to soar.

  36. Wow. That is really wonderful. I didn’t see the show, but that’s such a powerful story! I like that, Woman Warriors. Interesting things to think about on a Saturday!

  37. It was basically that my mom used to favor me, was called on it by my oldest sister when we were 3. At this point, my mom allowed my 3-year-old sister’s comment (made when said 3 year old was being punished) to manipulate her into taking a hands-off approach to handling my issues (telling me to work it out for myself. Which to a 3 year old means, go do something to the other kid that you think will make things even. I call this “kiddie karma”). When I’d use kiddie karma to handle things, I’d get into trouble and get a time out. (During which, the kid I karma-ed would play my favorite game a few feet away from where I was doing my time out, thus undoing the kiddie karma). Suffice it to say, I became a vindictive little bitch.

    My mom began favoring the third sister (and still does). So while I accept responsibility (and consequences) for my actions, and have dealt with things like an eating disorder and self-mutilation, and went on to do great things (Graduate from Cornell University a year early). I also keep a gratitude journal, am knitting squares that will be made into blankets for domestic violence and homeless shelters, and am making a constant effort to remain positive (WWMFD: What Would MizFit Do?)

    She refuses to even THINK about the consequences of hers (got a dog, and now complains about how expensive a dog is. Gave her ATM card and PIN number to her boyfriend, who took out $200 more than she’d given him permission to.). She also constantly presents herself as a victim, but when you listen to what she’s saying (my boyfriend’s savings account is really small, so I’m now repulsed by him, and am upset because I won’t get a good X-mas present from him even though we’ve been dating for almost 2 years), you realize that it’s the most selfish thing anyone could say.

    It was prompted by BagLady’s fighter/pillowfighter comment. Sorry for the rant, the sister’s just been bringing me down.

  38. I’ve haven’t seen the show but what I can say is that these are the type of people that “win” in life! I wish I can be this tenacious.

  39. THANK YOU for sharing all that Tricia2.
    and it’s precisely why I still think, even though I see the truth in Kates comment (she’s an amazing woman. clickclickclick to her if you dont already), that the Mother Warriors are still few and far between (as per fitarella’s second comment as well) and need/deserve recognition.

    oh and this:
    —–
    WWMFD: What Would MizFit Do?
    —–
    NEVER A GOOD IDEA 🙂
    when I had my training studio a bunch of clients made WWCD bracelets (C being for my first name) and I swear the fact I preach everything is FINE (in moderation) led them to some bad choices (wink) and some rowdy nights out on the town.

    M.

  40. What an amazing post! And (as usual) very timely for my world (please to stop spying on me). I’ll have to check out O’s website as I’m not home in time to watch and (brace yourself) have no Tivo/DVR.

  41. I did not see the show. Haven’t watched TV (although I do miss Ms. O) for over 2 years. But I got chills reading your description of it! I firmly believe that every person, male and female is born with a divine spark inside them. It’s up to us to take the things that happen in our life and stoke it to a raging fire. I’m always inspired by people who are determined, regardless of circumstance, to make good out of life:) Thanks for sharing this with us, Miz!

  42. I caught part of the show and was also amazed at her strength and positive attitude. It really helped bring me back to reality when I find myself moping and whining over things that really are not that important.

    (and Bring It On was an awesome movie!) 🙂

  43. I saw the first minute when they let you know what is coming but didn’t watch. I was feeling rather hormonal and figured that the story about the Mother Warrior would make me cry. Glad to hear it was inspirational rather than “look at this awful thing that happened”. Some days I need a reminder that the little bumps in my road are nothing compared to the obstacles other face – and they do so with much more grace than I.

  44. I’ll admit, I’ve given up on watchin Oprah a couple years ago. She became too preachy, therapist, while still being the center of it too much. She started feeling like a pseudo-guru to me.

    But I’m going to have to find that episode online somewhere and give it a go. Jenny inspires the heck outta me. This woman, Monica, will make me think, too.

    Those who know me, know I’m battling my own demons. I am a woman warrior for my own future.

    I have also been approached to help a movement (post election) motivate and energize minority women who participate in a national battle against obesity. That will be woman warrior work indeed.

    I have always been a strong individual. I believe it comes part as personality and part as environment. However, while from the outside others may envy this strength, know one thing. A young friend, also a strong soul, once wished that someone could be strong for him and let him be weak for a while. I could not break his heart and tell him: we strong people will NEVER TRUST another enough to allow ourselves to be weak. The most we can hope for is that strong people stand beside us and help hold us up.

    I will volunteer to be a woman warrior for anyone who needs it. And those people standing strong? I’m standing strong beside you.

  45. deb? Amazingly well said.

    and I love that you can *see* the Warrior Woman in yourself.

    I’m with you, Sister, in the wanting to be other people’s strength/Warrior when they need it as so many people have done that for me in my time of need.

    It’s an honor.

    M.

  46. Wow. Amazing comments and commentary. Don’t ever watch TV, but, I am impressed. From my perspective, I would do whatever it takes to protect, mother my children. And be a good mother to them. I often times when to put my FISTS up in the air for them!

  47. I’m not an Oprah watcher (damn thing called a job and another damn thing called NO TIVO!), but I adore Jenny McCarthy. Who would have thought that Ms. Singled Out (gawd, how I miss the MTV of my early teens!) would have become a Mother Warrior! But I think you’re right Miz… all mothers are warriors in one way or another. I know my mom is 🙂

  48. “she surrendered to her situation”…

    Something important to be reminded of which I try to do myself is that surrender does not mean “give up.” It means letting go of the expectations, the notions of how we want things to be instead of accepting what we have in front of us.

    Goes back to your “Be present.” Are you engaged in the now because that is what you have at this moment. The past can’t be changed, and dwelling on it is not going to change what you have to deal with now and going forward.

    Instead of focusing on the “lack” this woman is focusing on what she has (abundance). Truly inspiring as we grow more of what we focus on.

  49. I didn’t see Oprah either. I don’t see much daytime TV, but I love your post.

    Your question about whether or not you would have had the strength if you were faced with that scenario, to have done what Monica did…is one that, I think, all mothers ponder in one way or another.

    I am amazed at the strength I get from being a mom. To be certain, before motherhood, I was a rather self-centered person, but being a mother changed me in ways that I didn’t expect at all. I have no doubt that I’d throw myself in front of a train to save my kids. Absolutely, I’d cut off arms, legs, whatever, if I thought it would get me back to my children.

    I’ve read your blog for a little while now and I suspect that you would have behaved in exactly the same way.

  50. Being a mom changed me in ways I never imagined, too — I just am drafting up a post for tomorrow where I mention my own experience with the rampant criticism in my family and how I protect my kids from that — I am Mother Warrior!

    I have found over the years we have much more spunk in us than we even realize and when we need it, it comes out.

  51. I am so BUMMED I missed Wednesday’s show… the one time… darnit. I was even more bummed after reading everyone’s comments, because sounds like an amazing show. I can’t wait to catch the repeat!

    Thanks, Miz, for constantly steering us towards uplifting and powerful messages… YOU’RE THE BEST!!!

  53. Wow, what an amazing post. Thank you for this!

    I’ve been adjusting my friendships lately – slowly and reluctantly jettisoning people who make me feel badly or who are often negative – and am now gratefully surrounded with fantastic people. It occurs to me, after reading this post, that all of the women I consider close friends are definitely Woman/Mother Warriors. I’m surrounded with people who inspire me to be better than I am.

    Thank you for the opportunity to reflect on my life!

  54. Learning accept and move on is the biggest step. Even for the smallest things in life. It doesn’t have to be something major like having arms and legs removed. Any small negative twist life sends our way can set us back, and how we respond is entirely up to us.

    You rock, Mizfit!

  55. This one spoke to me Miz. Has me thinking when it comes time can i be a warrior?? Or will I turn away? This can surely be applied to most situations people struggle with. I need to choose to abe a warrior backing down is too easy.

  56. and the more I ponder all of this (and spent some quality time with a Community Warrior yesterday) I think that if we even question it (*waves at viv*) it means we would step up to the plate.

    by even pondering, taking the time to look deep inside ourselves for the LIGHT (down past the saturday treat-meal and to the left) means that, should we be called to act—-we’d rise to the occasion.

    Miz.

  57. wow, very inspiring… i had a similar realization recently, sparing the details, about my parents and the strength and love they both have. RESPECT and ADMIRATION.

  58. Wow. Great post – and so many interesting thoughts/comments. I think your last comment summed up some of what I was thinking. People like Monica and Jenny who share their experiences do make us stop and think… what would I do? could I handle it with such grace? And the truth is – by thinking about it and learning from others – I think we prepare ourselves for whatever will come our way.

    I have struggled with anxiety in my life … the constant worrying and crazymaking thoughts of ‘what if?!” – THANKFULLY, I am finally (at 36) more at a place where I feel like I can really learn from people and put things in prespective. I hear stories of the different tragedies/triumphs that families are facing and instead of thinking “OMG! What if that happens to me?! I could handle it like that! I instead marvel at her strength, listen to the story and -1) think about how I could help (i.e. is there research being done that needs donations, is the family nearby and I could send them a meal, can we all say a prayer for the family, etc…) and 2) consciously think about the fact that we all do (somehow somewhere) have this strength and can overcome amazing hardships.

  60. I work with young people every day in a youth development program. Many of these teens have grown up without parents, on the streets and in multiple foster homes. They have become empowered and use their voices to advocate for themselves and others in our community. When asked what they wanted to call themselves as they move from program participant to community leader, they used chose the word “Warriors”. That word makes me think of so many people that I am blessed to have in my life… actually more people who are Warriors than are not. Pretty cool to realize that!

  61. Sweet words. And your commenters are Serious!

    I have to think about how I would be able to handle that…or not, ya know? Wow, I’d give up completely. And then I think I would just figure it out one day, but it would take a long time to get to that point…

    God bless that woman and soooo many others.

  63. I didn’t watch this episode and sorry I haven’t watched O in awhile. I have heard of this Monica however. She is amazing!

    We are Women Warriors! And I think there are many of us who could identify that we are fighting with grace, humility, and Truth! Let’s let the lights shine!! 😉

  64. so many insightful comments.
    all so well summed up by this:
    —-
    I think there are many of us who could identify that we are fighting with grace, humility, and Truth! Let’s let the lights shine!!
    —-

    the plural.

    it takes a VILLAGE Bumbling Band to get through this life, huh?

    Miz.

  65. um, how am I number 66 on a weekend?!’
    I saw the show and thought the same thing.
    that mothers are warriors but I do not yet have children and think I am a warrior in a way as well.
    I think that women throughout history have picked up the torch and have HAD to be warriors for ourselves and our communities.

    THANK YOU MIZ for writing about this.

  66. incredibly thought-provoking post and thank you for pointing it out 🙂 i will read again once the jet lag has gone 🙂

  68. I recently realized that all women — mothers, sisters, spouses, friends — feel we have a lot on our plate. It is not our place to judge what is a crisis. If it feels like it is too much to bear — that is a crisis. And rare is the woman who says — please give me more, I have space to spare.

    I have also come to realize that even though – in that moment – we think we cannot take on any more — we cannot support that friend in need, or parent who is ill, or child who needs us – we all have the capacity to take on more. We, as women, just dig deep and find that strength we need. Fpr most — it is most commonly not for ourselves – but for those around us.

    For me it took being a mother to find that inner strength and realize life, is not all about me. For others they come to this realization by virtue of other responsibilities thrust on them at different times in their lives. But most of us — really, are working hard to make it all happen.

    While OF COURSE – I appreciate and even envy the strength how these women thrust into unimaginable crisis find strength. I also realize in our everyday lives the conflicts or obstacles we face — constitute our own personal battle or struggle that for us. There is no scale upon which to measure – that one woman’s struggle is more than what I feel my own to be. For many of us making it through each day — when one else might even know or realize it is to you a crisis – makes us women warriors. There is no scale upon which to judge.

    To paraphrase a woman I love “We must be our own superheroes.” and every crisis is valid and hard.


  70. wow.
    especially you, Dana, for taking the time to share & *bare* all that.
    Im honored.

    now.

    on a lighter IS MIZ GETTING OLD & SENILE?! note.

    how could I have totally forgotten and you remember THIS(clickhere)?

    Im now off to search for my tee.

    M.

  71. “Warrior Women”? I love that term! I did not see the episode, but it sounds very inspiring. I’m heartened to hear that it focused on the strength and tenacity of women. Although this is changing, I feel girls/young women are taught — usually in subtle ways — not to think of themselves as “strong.” Resourceful, yes. Kind and caring, optimally. But kick-A tough? Not so much. And yet the strongest people I know are all women. We fight when it really counts.

    I do feel all humans have more inner strength than they know. Sometimes monumental events reveal it. Sometimes small ones do. Perhaps we could learn to tap into it rather than wait for life to throw an obstacle in our path. Maybe we should test ourselves — by that I mean purposefully get out of our comfort zones — more often than we do. It’s too easy to remain in our secure, familiar bubbles, surrounded by like-minded people, thinking similar thoughts every day.

    If we shake things up for ourselves … be it through volunteer work … travel … exposing ourselves to new ideas/beliefs — whatever — perhaps we can better understand ourselves and touch on that inner fortitude, making us somewhat more prepared for life’s big tests.

    And perhaps such personal jouneys will not only help us improve ourselves, but will help improve life for others as well.

  72. Love the warrior framework. So descriptive……and not just for moms toward their children. Fact is, if we are blessed to have our mothers live long enough, we daughters have the opportunity to turn the tables and become advocates and warriors for our mothers.

  73. Sounds like an amazing episode Mizfit. I wonder when I’ll get to see it in Australia. I can’t fathom how Monica could be so brave through something like that (and I have to say this makes me even more terrified of hospitals!). I can only think that she must have been terrified to think her daughters wouldn’t have a mom, so the thought that she’d still get to be around was a massive relief. Perspective is the most important thing, but that’s easy for me to say when I have all my limbs and good health.

    And I definitely think most moms are warriors. That’s what motherhood means really. We take a backseat and we become the ones who fight for our children and our families.

    Really inspirational read.

    Kelly

  75. Hi Mizfit. I haven’t watched the episode yet but I do have it Tivoed. I saw Jenny last time she was on, and I found her very inspiring — what happened to her son is very scary, and you are right, she is a warrior for overcoming it. I need to watch this episode! By the way, I love that you post about the Oprah shows. That is so cool!

  76. That’s an amazing story. Like you, I really can’t imagine what I would do if I were in that situation. I’d like to say I would step up just like she did, but truthfully you just never know until something like that happens to you.

    “Woman Warrior?” LOVE that phrase.

  77. I”ve been out of the Oprah loop for awhile, so I missed this – thank you so much for posting about it. I had to go about my day and ‘think’ on all of this for awhile before I offered up some thoughts here.

    When my son was first diagnosed with cerebral palsy, I can’t even describe the range of emotions that goes through the mind. The shock, sadness, worry, confusion, anger, uncertainty, GUILT (is this my fault?). But I remember clearly driving home in the car from the specialist, and turning around to look at my beautiful baby – I was immediately overcome with a fierce will to do whatever was necessary to make his life the best life he can possibly have given his circumstances! It was a very powerful feeling ~ everything became all about HIM.

    Over time, as I advocated for him in school, partnered and sometimes battled with professionals, I began to understand that I was blessed to have this kid, and I felt honored that he was ‘entrusted’ to us to take care of and help him find his way in the world. My son is the luckiest of unlucky kids, despite all of his challenges, and I believe he is in my life to make me a better person.

    I remember hearing things like ‘he will never walk’ or ‘he will never talk’. Over my dead body I would think…and sure enough, the day we got the call from the school principal saying my kid got a detention because he was RUNNING DOWN THE HALL – well it was a most excellent day!

    Never say never. Don’t tell me or my son that he ‘can’t’. The fight is in me and I don’t know where it comes from. It just IS. No matter what I feel sometimes in my most private moments, the fight is always there for my kid.

    I’ve met many parents with special needs kids, and there are those that are just tired and sad and weary and lost. I ache for those parents, and their special kids. I want to tell them, ‘WE are ok! WE have the easy part!’ If we don’t rally for these kids, who will???

    I’ve never considered myself a ‘Warrior’ ~ but you know what? It’s a great word. Even better that it also happens to also be the mascot for my son’s high school. 😉

  79. I missed the show, but was flattered/honored when my autistic son’s part time teacher called me to tell me that she had seen it and that she considers me a mother warrior. wow. I know that for me, I at first was grieved, stunned, and mournful. When I came out of that, I came out fighting. I eventually discovered the greatest power in the fight. I learned to love, accept, and yes, embrace autism. I finally realized that autism is really only bad if I choose to see it that way. Life is make believe…you make of it whatever you choose to believe about it. I’ve chosen for autism to be beautiful and interesting. Now, the people around us choose the same belief, including the kids at school and his teacher. He only goes to school for 2 hours in the afternoon and I do the rest with a couple of volunteers. It is with great joy that I can say that he is constantly overcoming obstacles in the face of not-so-good odds. In fact, the little boy who should never be able to understand love told me for the first time today, “I love you.” If that doesn’t keep the fire burning, I don’t know what could! Truly, I believe it is in all of us. It’s a choice.

  80. One more thing…I’m not talking about lowering goals here, just enjoying the journey toward the goals by being happy with what IS.

  81. wow.

    again thanks to all of you for MAKING the time this weekend to share your thoughts (and Cyndi? Im so honored you carried this post around with you in your head and returned to share your insights).

    I thought so much about the show/concept WOMAN WARRIORS this weekend as well.

    and yes.

    am mildly curious if Jenny McC would mind that we (Im dragging ya’ll in with me) twisted and made her phrase OURS.

    M.

  82. I stopped watching Oprah a while back. I wish I’d seen that one, she sounds amazing. I’m striving to appreciate what I have more, but something like that??? that would be tough. No arms and legs and she’s not bitter, incredible. I’m bitter that my newspaper was 10 minutes late today….nearly had a Little Debbie pity party for that. Great Post, thanks!! am putting 1) get some perspective, on my to-do list

  83. Stunningly beautiful post. What a way to start my own Monday morning…with a grateful heart and empowered feeling. Thank your for sharing as I had missed the show.

  85. I’m just catching up on my reading! I didn’t see this but, boy , thanks for posting on it. Lots of interesting stuff in the comments. One thing that Josha said: “Life is make believe…you make of it whatever you choose to believe about it.” really resonated with me.

  86. I totally missed it!! I saw the ad and meant to tivo it, but totally flaked!! Sounds like I missed a good one. I totally agree about the pity party, I host them often for much smaller obstacles. It always amazes me when some people are faced with HUGE challenges and are not crumpled by it. it should be an inspiration to all of us.

    Thanks for checking on me!! I appreciate it and love all my net friends!!

  91. I saw this show and it hit me right between the eyes. Exactly what I needed at that moment.

    I was beginning to wallow. In the unfairness…it’s hard to even say now, I’m so far beyond it. I had dipped into the pool of self-pity because things didn’t turn out the way I planned, the way I wanted them to, and instead of a healthy 6 y.o. I returned home from Ethiopia with a mentally ill 10-ish y.o. who needs and needs and needs and needs. And needs. I’d lost my sense of humor and I was beginning to lose my dignity.

    And then I saw this show.
    Monica…I was humbled. And inspired. Monica DID bring the light, and I needed it. And now I’m back! Thankfully I didn’t stay in that ugly place too long. Great show. And for me, great timing.

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  1. […] The family is just as critical now, almost 25 years later and over 100 pounds more. But now I’m almost 40 and I have come to peace with my body to a great degree. I have much more self-confidence and self-worth. (And I don’t spend much time with my family, especially since the criticism has been extended to my handsome husband and my beautiful perfect children. I won’t allow my kids to experience that growing up. Mother Warrior!) […]

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