The world is full of nice people.

by

After-after.

post-race celebrating with Oakland friends.

It’s the first day of a new school.

Again.

Third elementary school by third grade for those of you playing along at home.

And the thing is, while it entirely feels like kinder all over again to me, so far the Tornado seems fine.

She’s more excited than nervous.

She still views the world as just filled with friends she’s not yet met.

She’s confident people will be as nurturing and kind to her as she’d be to them in her place.

She’s like her mama and miss piggy that way—misplaced or NOT she’s pretty certain she rocks.

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silly reigns supreme at our house.

Still.

All that said she and I had a long post-Gilmore Girls viewing chat last night.

We talked about Rory and Chilton and her experiences being the new girl there (foreshadowing! foreshadowing!).

We chatted about how some of the girls were super nice at first and others….less so.

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Oh Lorelai. Impart yer wisdom on the child.

And, in my inimitable awkward way, I dragged us over toward a quote I adore.

Something I tell myself before I go into new situations and which always reminds me I control my experiences and destiny:

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(quote by the writer: Nishan Panwar)

It’s a quote, too, which rings to my ears so much more benevolent than my previous standby:

Kill ’em with kindness.

She and I talked about what her first day might be like, how it may differ from her first day in Oakland, and what she’s most looking forward to.

And then it was done.

She was done.

She was ready to move on with our night and back to Luke, Dean, Emily et al.

I hope today goes well.

In a third grade world which may not value what she most prizes about herself, I find comfort in the notion it *has* to be a good day.

In the new-found knowledge of if she can’t find one–she will be one.

And that is *always* enough.

Now you.

Talk to me.

  • Are you kill em with kindness or “if you can’t find one—be one?“
  • Do you think there’s a difference?

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Comments

  1. You might guess how much I LOVE that quote — so good and one to live by. I love using GG to teach the Tornado about this stuff — what a great show! You have a wonderful attitude and may this message spread not just to your daughter — but to everyone who crosses this page 🙂

  2. You are such a fantastic mom, Carla.
    I think you’ve empowered the Tornado so much at home she will be fine in her new school.
    When is your motherhood book coming out??? 🙂

  3. I’ve not heard the quote before yet I think it could help me at the office too.
    I always hated the phrase “kill them with kindness” YUCK

  6. LMBO at the Miss. Piggy link.
    I think she will be just fine with this attitude, although I tend to KILL (with kindness) myself.

  7. I’ve started watching The Gilmore Girls for the first time since you and the tornado started.
    My ten year old daughter loves it as well.

  8. I so hope her day goes well today…with that approach, how can it not? I agree that in general, most people ARE nice. And if they’re not, bringing nice to them is the way to go.

  9. I love that quote and I feel like it’s a totally different vibe than the killing with kindness quote. It’s more “hey, I’m a nice person, no matter what” versus the more in your face attitude of the other.

    Tornado is going to rock this. She’s an awesome, confident kid. Hope YOUR day goes ok. ;o)

  10. Love this! Our oldest changed schools this year, along with his friends but he went from being one of 90 to one of 450. It took him a little while to find his footing, but being nice is what got him there 🙂 I’m sure she will have a great day!!

  11. I work in retail and when my employees would complain about a mean customer and how to handle it I would tell them, you don’t know what is happening I their life and you may be the nicest persons they encounter today so just be nice. Love your quote too!

  12. Oh Lorelai, so full of wisdom, so incredibly unable to follow it yourself. Like most of us. I just have no patience for not nice people. There is barely enough time in my life to spend with the people I do like, why would I waste on people that I don’t care for?

  13. When I find myself thinking people aren’t being friendly, I try to examine whether I am being friendly myself, and often find that I could step up my game.

  14. Definitely the latter. With boys in the house the word ‘kill’ has taken on a different feeling (even when you don’t allow toy weapons in the house, everything becomes a gun). And Tornado will so rock their socks off!

  15. My mom raised me with a similar mantra 🙂 I love how much you love your daughter … it’s truly an exceptional feeling being a mom right??

    BTW – I have never watched Gilmore Girls … I plan to start this week while I relax before going back to school 🙂

  21. I am definitely a “kill ’em with kindness” type. I think there’s only really a different if you’re not genuinely kind – which probably sounds ridiculous, but I think there are people who think they are kind, but only when it suits their agenda. However, despite my skepticism, I always try and treat others the way I would like to be treated, and hope for the best. I hope your daughter has an awesome first day and people are drawn to her spirit and amazingness. 🙂

  24. It is a great quote… I love it. The only caveat I would make – this only from being old now & knowing what I did as kid & young person… I would have not thought of it back then. We moved a lot too. Each time it was hard & I was one of very few Jewish kids. I was heavier too as you know as a kid. I did work on being the nice one always … the one issue is that I taught myself to be nice & do what others wanted without ever thinking about what was right for me…. it lead into adult life that way for me. I don’t see this happening with Tornado just because of your open relationship with her. I did not have that as a kid. I think she will do great!

  25. Kids are resilient! I think it’s often much more difficult for the parents than the kids when starting over—kids can generally adapt faster to new situations and find new friends more easily.

    I prefer “if you can’t find one, be one” to “kill ’em with kindness” … the former seems more about US trying to be genuinely good people, while the latter has more of a ring of “being kind with an agenda.” But you know how much I read (ha! Puns!) into words 😉

  26. I do hope Tornado has a great experience with school today! I hope that the other kids are also of the mind to be kind.

  27. ” If you can’t find one, be one ” I do like that. I always make an effort to be very welcoming to newcomers in whatever groups I am in because I know how hard it can be to be the newcomer. I know her confidence and smile will win the day and I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for her for a bit of extra insurance! Can’t wait to hear how it goes. <3

  31. I always try to be kind. You know the old saying “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything.” I hope she has a terrific day in her new school and hope you all are settling in!

  32. I probably look at it as first as “the world is full of friends I haven’t made yet”, and then if there’s a reason to do so, “kill ’em with kindness”.

    I’d probably be a better person if I adhered to “the world is full of nice people” principle, but really, if you’re mean, I’m probably just going to avoid you in any way possible. There are so many wonderful people out there, I don’t have time for the nasty ones.

  34. A kindhearted woman gains honor, but ruthless men gain only wealth. Proverbs 11:16, New International Version

    Kindness is always better, no matter which saying you ascribe to.

  36. I have been both, at times.

    I have had to be a kill them with kindness as recently as the holidays, when I found out that the siblings are still acting like they are in middle school as far as how they talk about me. *eyeroll* and move on.

    and the biggest acting in my career, playing nice with Dad’s girlfriend while he was very sick, and she would scream at me and slam the door in my face. I could seriously write a book.

    I do try to be the “be one” as often as I can… because the world needs more.

    XO

  38. Oh, I so hope that the Tornado had a fantastic first day of school!! I know that she was the nice one whether all the kids were nice or not!!!
    I love that quote and am going to pass it along to my boys – middle school and high school years are rough!

  39. I’ve had my moments 🙂

    I usually go with my intuition. I’ve been kind, I’ve been understanding, and occasionally I’m a mirror for the unkind.

  40. I like the “if you can’t find one, be one” more than any phrase with killing in it, I have to say. And I can relate to Tornado’s grade school experience – I was on my 3rd school by the end of first grade and experienced one more before moving on to middle school. The thing that made all of it tolerable was the family that was waiting at home for me, no matter where we moved. It made us all very close as a family, and I learned how to meet new people – silver linings, I like to think. Tornado has that going for her as well 🙂

  43. She is one brave girl that’s for sure. You are filling this child with a toolkit of kindness and empathy and an adventurous spirit that will lead her to do great things in life! I hope her first day was amazing!

  45. Carla, I am in constant awe of how wonderful of a mother you are to the Tornado. It is so beautiful!!! She is such a grounded, beautiful little girl, and I am sure she will grow up to be a beautiful woman too. This was a nice read 🙂

  46. In the eyes of a flower , the world is a flower. Last time I was buying chicken and looking at the small boy who was selling it.He will never know that I feel sad for him. The world has its share of selfish people but we should not forget our place.If they are thorns we are flowers.

  48. I absolutely love that quote. Reminds me of my other favorite: Be the change you wish to see in the world!

    I’m sure with such a great attitude your child will certainly have some great days of school ahead of her.

    As I always like to say, “Today is the day you do the impossible.”

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