Skinny shaming.

by

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A few months ago I was asked to speak on a panel about fat shaming and skinny shaming.

To say I wasn’t all that excited would have been an understatement.

I felt ill-equipped to address the gravity of fat shaming.

I’d experienced through my clients. I’d not experienced it myself.

And skinny shaming?

A term that’s used to describe the act of degrading or insulting someone for being thin?

I struggled with that entire concept.

As I shared privately with friends before the conference: skinny shaming, to me, doesn’t feel like all that much of a “thing.”

In my mind the notion of skinny shaming rang really close to another line of thinking I detest.

The one about how the heterosexual, white, christian male is the most persecuted person in American.

Skinny was/is still a form of privilege.

I pondered and panicked in the weeks prior to the event.

Yes skinny shaming is body shaming. I mused. Sure, we need to stop it. But, no, I concluded. It’s not the same as fat discrimination.

No matter what the shamer says—from skinny b*tch to eat a sandwich!–a small/thin body remains the mainstream ideal.

conf

panel: Jackelyn Ho, Martha Koeske, Kia Ruiz, Sarah Bramblette

I was terrified to speak out as part of our panel, certain sharing my thoughts would result in my “losing the audience” or worse.

And yet I felt compelled to.

As I walked through the world in the days leading up to the conference, I repeatedly witnessed how the world is nicer to “skinny people” through its offerings (seat sizes, clothing manufactured, assumption of fitness and desirability).

I saw how, if a skinny person says I LOVE ME THE WAY I AM!, people may sigh (think negative thoughts?) and yet they respond with: OKAAAY.

The reverse? Never.

The badgering continues even if presented with an expression of self-acceptance and self-love.

Skinny was/is still a form of privilege.

I was at the event, preparing for our panel, when a stranger stopped by my table.

She stood. She watched She said:

You must be COLD! You’re sooo skinny.

rsz_11702861_10153100872564195_3057783526869550263_nmy face after the stranger’s remark.

In any other setting I’d have shrugged the comment off.

But there are no accidents and the unsolicited remark started me thinking.

I reflected back to jabs like “Can you help me? I mean, you don’t eat (ha ha), but what should I eat to lose weight?”

And to questions I receive at school drop-off  filled with assumptions based on my frame.

And to remarks made at parties by strangers: “Do you CrossFit? I do! I like exercise. I mean I’m not obsessed as you are.”

And I thought:

Perhaps skinny shaming IS a thing? And *I* just don’t let it bother me?

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filled with misplaced confidence.

 I vacillated in that pre-panel moment, yet decided, for me, the bottom line remains this:

When people comment about my body I get annoyed.  I roll my eyes literally and metaphorically.

I choose to believe what they say is a reflection of them and not about me. I don’t care.

Their words may “hurt my feelings” but are not indicative of a larger culture of negativity.

I still believe there’s skinny privilege.

Fat shaming is so much more than that and, for me, it isn’t exaggerating to say it’s about oppression.

(steps back for a moment and sits with the silence)

And you?

Where are you with regards to the notion of “skinny shaming?”

Do you believe it’s as insidious as fat shaming? Do you believe it exists?

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Comments

  4. YES it is absolutely 100% a thing and I had one incident in particular, in a room filled with not skinny people, who had me in tears afterward. Up to that point, I had not let it bother me, but that moment I will never forget and think about often.
    I can’t really comment on fat shaming although it definitely exists and it’s hard to compare the two since I agree with your ‘being skinny is the privilege’ thought.
    Wish I had been able to be in that room at FitBloggin.

  5. Thank you for sharing what I’ve long thought.
    There does exist skinny “privilege” and for that reason I cannot stand the whining about skinny shaming.

    • That makes no sense to me. Everyone’s personal experience is different and everyone is different in the way they handle rude comments. I’m naturally thin myself and only get comments about my size occasionally and half the time they are harmless jokes, however there are others I know close to my size who because of the people they are surrounded by or their environment either have never experienced skinny shaming or have experienced it on such a level that they develop a complex about themselves. Those people are usually the ones that “WHINE” about it and people like you who downplay the hurt that they feel because more people have not experienced what they have experienced are absolutely ridiculous. I’m not denying that thin privelge doesn’t exists but that doesn’t mean that a person who is harshly critisized for being naturally skinny/thin/slim/slender should feel any less pain or hurt because of it and people who refuse to recognise that it is a huge issue for some people end up damaging said people more because their experience can’t be validated or addressed in that right.

  6. I am a naturally skinny person. I come from a long line of tall, thin people. I can’t say that as an adult too many comments have bothered me because I just have time to care about them (although they have happened). I’m high school though I had MANY very insensitive and negative things said to me which were extremely hurtful especially as an adolescent. I think that the world is definitely catered to slimmer people which goes in line with the skinny privilege mindset. I just think everyone would be better off following the mantra ‘if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all’ because you never know what someone else is going through. Let’s say you tell someone to ‘eat a cheeseburger’ and they’re suffering from an eating disorder that comment could have significant fallout for that person in terms of their mental health.

    • Ah yes those EAT A CHEESEBURGER comments. People really do not see it speaks VOLUMES about them and absolutely nothing about the person at whole they’ve hurled the remark.

  7. Another challenging post!!! I would say I have seen both sides. Watching my father get told over and over again about how skinny he is and seeing him get more and more frustrated, has made me sensitive to that. However, I agree with you about fat shaming being worse and how being skinny comes with a prestige.

  8. I think “skinny shaming” is a thing when people act like the person is anorexic. Otherwise, most people act more envious than anything I believe.

  9. I only really experience skinny shaming when I was pregnant, believe it or not. I took major offense to it as they were implying I was not doing enough to take care of my growing baby. It was extremely frustrating as she stopped growing in utero due to a medical condition that I had no control over.

  10. I guess there’s a degree of skinny shaming out there, but to me, it likely stems from a place of unhappiness with self. I’ve had the “you must be cold” comment before, among others, and it didn’t bother me. Whoever delivers lines like that is hurting far more than the comment could ever hurt me.

  11. I’ve never thought about it before, but I’ve thought of myself as skinny. I’m sure there must be a thing especially here in the south were you often here “eat a cupcake you’re to skinny”. To me that is extremely rude. That would be like saying “don’t eat the cupcakes you’re to fat” either way sucks.

  12. I know it sounds odd but I am so, so grateful for the years I spent overweight. I’ve had the unique ability to experience both fat shaming (like guys yelling at me that I’m a fatass as they drove by) to skinny shaming (co-workers constantly looking at what I’m eating for lunch and saying, ‘Oh, your so SKINNY you don’t need to eat a SALAD AGAIN for lunch.”

  13. Skinny shaming is totally a thing. It can do just as much harm as fat shaming. Again, people often assume that we are “doing it to ourselves” or that it is under our control. The trouble is that we get mixed messages: on the one hand, it is what society wants of us, and half the people we meet congratulate us. But then the other half make jabs and judge. So while being “fat” is at least rather consistent in its treatment, “skinny” girls are mind f*cked and don’t know who to believe. Ultimately, I have no patience for shaming in general–it is merely your reaction to something you don’t understand–and I think that individual health should be the concern.

    • AMEN to that as well. I have no patience with the shaming either (although I do confess to ONE TIME Doodle shaming when he ate my beloved jumpsuit).

  14. In the past, the comments I’ve received obviously came from a place of discontent within the speaker. “You don’t need to exercise, you’re already skinny.” I never even thought of it as anything else, so it didn’t bother me. But frankly, thinking about it, as you’re so good at making me do, really any disparaging comment about another person’s weight (or looks, color, gender), is shaming. I think the difference in our thoughts about it comes first, because skinny is what most of us think is the ideal, and second, when a thin person hears it, many of them actually kind of like it. But, as with any kind of shaming it’s ignorant and inappropriate. There are so many reasons someone is skinny, and if it’s due to an eating disorder or other illness, shaming can certainly be hurtful and maybe even harmful. I still think that fat shaming, because it’s so prevalent and accepted, is a far greater problem.

  16. Carla, this post comes at such a perfect time. I finished reading Brittany Gibbons Fat Girl Walking last week, and I have spent TONS of time on the Internet and reading about the “thin privilege” and “beauty sickness”. There absolutely is such a thing as the thin privilege.

    I remember my roommate at college (who is overweight and tall and has been her entire life) describing the “fat prejudice” she encountered on a daily basis:

    “I will always be described as the fat girl. No matter what I do, no matter how many accolades I may have in my career. Whenever somebody describes me I won’t ever just be described as the woman who donates her time to the hospice organization it will always be followed up with, you know, the FAT, brunette woman from _____ and not just the brunette woman from ____.”

    I never thought that was true until I started to actively listen to people (and even made a college project out of it, which included all comments on people’s physical appearances). The more I listened, I would hear people arbitrarily follow up a statement about a person by adding an unnecessary physical description, like, “she’s a heavy woman” or “he was a hefty guy”. On the other hand, I would also hear, “oh my! She was so skinny, she looked like she was going to fall over!”

    So honestly, yeah, you hear these comments on both ends of the spectrum, but the tone and nature of descriptive comments are always vastly different. The tone while discussing thinness is predominantly much more accepting than that of the description of heavier individuals. Maybe not all the time, but a good deal of it. It just shouldn’t matter! Body shaming, in general, has become such a problem, but there are more people speaking up and trying to help change the conversation every day.
    This is definitely a topic that I am very taken with! Thanks for starting your own conversation!

  17. I can’t say one is worse than other but they both happen. Even clients look at me with doubt about my “struggles with food” or think my life must be perfect because to them I appear to be a perfect size. It makes it harder to be real about my own struggles sometimes because, as someone who is no longer overweight, it makes them seem less valid.

  18. I have to say, I get this.. like you. But still feel there are privileges. and I see both sides. It’s all about the quick the judge. The assumption because our society has already stereotyped us all… sad.

    But this is why i love you —> “I choose to believe what they say is a reflection of them and not about me. I don’t care.”

  19. I come from Long Island during Twiggy days.
    I was at an almost “perfect” weight but I had breasts, a waist and hips. 34B, 24-27″ waist, 36″ hips
    Most of the girls in my class had tiny breasts, no waists or hips and long long legs.
    They were the skinny ones; I was the heavy one. Only when we look at pictures from then guess who was thinner or the same all around?
    This distortion played havoc with my body image—and it wasn’t that I hated my body. Others told me! I couldn’t figure how to get rid of my breasts
    Boys liked me but everyone knew boys were easy. It was and is girls, we diet for.
    Because we came from an affluent town that skinny privilege—and the cheers of their parents telling them they could have anything because they were both affluent and skinny carried over way way into adulthood. Intelligence? That was a problem as it was the more intelligent girls but not the intellectuals that believed this.
    A few fewer IQ points and I probably would have loved my body. But the rest of us were brought up (whether overtly or not) to believe “you can never be too rich or too thin.” My mother would have denied this—she loved my breasts; I coveted her legs. Motherly examples win not motherly talk.

  20. I do agree with you that our society treats skinnier people with more privileges. I hesitate only slightly to say that people tend to make more assumptions about overweight people, rather than skinny people.
    Your statement about not letting those words bother you is what I’ve been practicing after reading The Four Agreements, one of which is “don’t take anything personally” – that any opinion that someone states towards us is a reflection of how THEY’RE feeling, and WHAT they’re dealing with. Not actually about us. Great post!!

  21. I think people are getting “assumptions” and “shaming” confused here.

    Yes, we make assumptions all the time. We judge, even when we try not to. That “skinny” person? They don’t eat much. They run. They do cross fit. The assumption is that they do good and healthy things… for the most part.

    That “fat” person? They’re slobs. They have no self control. They eat like pigs. The assumption is they do bad and unhealthy things… for the most part.

    The shaming goes beyond the act of assumption, it happens when people start acting out on the judgements in a negative way, or their negative prejudice has impact on how they behave toward people.

    Skinny privilege and fat shaming are opposite sides of the same coin. The BIG issue is, if you had do be judged for being skinny or judged for being fat, it’s better to be judged and offered privilege than to be judged and dismissed or degraded.

    Being told “you must be cold.” or “you must do crossfit” is an annoyance. Being told “You need to stop eating.” and “you need to get off your ass and get some exercise” is a knife to the heart.

    • YES!! (as always) to your first sentence here. You too have pointed out something I missed with the assumptions versus SHAMING. We assume the skinny woman doesnt eat and is always exercising etc (which Im not saying is ok) but you nailed it with the ACTING ON THE JUDGEMENT and IMPACT ON BEHAVIOR and the fact that theres a whole world out there not accommodating by CHOICE.

    • Being told your arms are skinny (that’s the way I am made)- you look anorexic- (again skinny arms) and be careful, don’t blow away in this wind are backhanded and in no way focused on anything positive. It’s hurtful.

  22. I was skinny shamed growing up all the time in school. The kids made fun of me because I was tall and skinny–there were all kinds of nicknames. I remember one teacher pulling me aside and saying, “Ignore them. One day, you’ll be glad you’re tall and skinny.” And, she’s right. I am. But I don’t really like comments about it. I don’t think comments about weight either side of the scale is appropriate. There is so much more about a person than that. With all this said, I don’t think skinny shaming and fat shaming are equally felt. I think the fat shaming gets a lot more cruel, and I’m sorry for any of you that have experienced it.

    • hmmm you may have phrased it far more better than I as well with the notion of EQUALLY FELT too.

    • I’ve been on the receiving end of negative comments about my long skinny arms and my thinness-it’s not as bad? I think thin people are recipients of outwardly said comments way more as the shammer is feeling they are “giving a compliment” of some kind-where I have never seen someone walk up to a large woman with big arms and tell her they are too fat/flabby. Walk a mile….

  24. You hit the nail on the head. It IS a thing, but it is also a cultural privilege. The conflicting feeling is the issue. Yet, shame is still shame, and it is all based on judgment from another perspective.

  25. Interesting there has a few times in my journey with weight and self acceptance, I just thought, screw it! I a happy this way, but I always cave and get back to working hard because I feel people judge me as lazy if I just keep the extra pounds…

    • YES!!! And is there judgement of the skinny? And, when there is, isnt it often more about the JUDGER than the JUDGEE? And have I now entirely muddled myself?? Suffice it to say just YES.

  26. I couldn’t agree with you more, skinny shaming is absolutely NOT the same thing as fat shaming. We have scientific data proving that there is discrimination against overweight people. Skinny shaming is more like back-handed compliments and usually reflects others’ jealousy, resentment, or simple lack of understanding (about how different are people’s body shapes and metabolisms). As a society we idolize extreme thinness (even underneath expressed concern) but are revolted by fat. There is no way we should be comparing skinny shaming to fat shaming.

  27. Thank you for writing this.
    I know “skinny shaming” exists as comments such as those you mentioned, but it does reflect the person speaking to you; their assumptions and jealousies about you “possessing” a body that is desirable in a mainstream sense… Fat shaming is so much more because so many people feel validating saying very, very nasty things to people who are fat (and it is about oppression).

  28. Wow, I’m really surprised you didn’t think it was a real thing. I think it can be much worse and underhanded. People assume you either only eat celery and workout 24/7 or you have a disorder. When in reality, that is so far from the truth for many of us smaller people. Plus, are you kidding me? They sell XXXXXL and never enough XS or XXS for people who need it. Everything promoted by companies and the media is so backward and hypocritical in so many ways are you can see by what they actually sell and then what they present to the public in ads.

  29. I love this topic and here’s my thoughts on it – I used to walk in the grocery store, see a thin woman and think “how lucky they don’t have to work at being healthy.”

    I have Instagram to thank for that – I follow dozens and dozens of women who work hard for their body, and somehow I just assumed skinny people had it made without even trying – how dumb of me – yes, there are people with high metabolisms who can eat pretty much anything they want and not gain weight, but they also might have high cholesterol or high blood pressure, so who’s to say who is healthier?!

    It takes work to lose weight, it takes work to maintain an healthy weight.

  30. I think comments in either direction are about the intention – Chinese people compliment each other with “you’ve gained weight!” and “Eat more, you’re too skinny” is a loving thing to say. But when those same comments are laced with judgement the way they so often are in America they’re rude and hurtful. I hope my daughters grow up with how their own bodies feel well and strong as their only measure. What other people think of them is simply too much to worry about.

  31. Reading some of the comments I’m struck by the (my opinion) mildness of shaming that skinny women hear vs. fat women. “Eat a cheeseburger,” “you’ll be glad you’re skinny” (and she is) sound a lot more innocuous than “you’re a fat pig” or “get off your lazy ass.” I’ve never been obese, but I have never been skinny, either. I’d rather be skinny any day of the week. As for the XS or XXS clothing not being available, that’s ridiculous. Try buying designer clothes – there is nothing for anyone who’s over a size 10.

    The thing is, none of us should be making a comment to anyone about their weight. It’s none of our business. Period.

    • Regular clothing stores at the mall/Target/Walmart etc. would be a better comparison for size availability, not a $500 designer dress crazy people are buying.
      I’m not skinny and only a little overweight but I fit into a size 2 or 4 in women’s pants and anything from a small to large top depending on the brand. Dresses are different. I’m an 8 or 10 in those. But heck, If I fit into a 2 bottom and a small top at 150 pounds I can definitely say the racks are slim for those smaller than me despite all the so-called skinny privilege.
      My best friend who is 90 pounds wet has to get an XS in juniors tailored to avoid shopping in the little girls’ section. Forget women’s clothing, a 00 tailored still fits two of her. Yet, many places to shop for women’s clothing do go up to XXL. There are also stores dedicated to plus size clothing where other than petites that run similar to womens but shorter, I don’t know of a skinny people only store. Anyway, that’s just to clothe herself. Let’s not forget the eat a cheeseburger despite eating 3500 calories a day, getting kids menus at restaurants at 27 and others asking if her mom (me) is ready to pay for our dinner.
      I’m not saying one is worse than the other but yeah, both exist.

  33. When I was a kid I was endlessly reminded of my skinnyness. Was so tired of it. Yet looking back, I don’t think of it as shaming. I feel it was more ignorance on the part of the person making the comment towards me. They just didn’t realize what they were doing. I’m glad there is more awareness of shaming in general nowadays. I do feel fat shaming is more purposeful, and any skinny shaming done today and is meant criticize — very different than the 1980’s “ignorant version” I spoke of. Great topic!

  34. “Yes skinny shaming is body shaming. I mused. Sure, we need to stop it. But, no, I concluded. It’s not the same as fat discrimination.”

    I agree. They are two different things, and I think it’s hard to put them together in the same category.

    Although I’ve never been under my normal BMI, and I’ve only been about 10 lbs over it, I experienced the most body shaming when I was thinner. And for me, especially being just 20 years old, I felt completely crushed: I had worked so hard to lose some weight and get fit, to get to where society told me I *should* be, and then people started berating me for it. I felt like I just wasn’t good enough. And it’s no surprise to me that I’ve gained 30 lbs since then.

    All forms of body shaming are horrible and can have serious negative effects. Thank you for getting the discussion going!

  35. Always a thought provoking post from you! I’ve been obese and am now at a normal, and fit weight, so have heard it on both sides of the spectrum, the judgmental comments or shaming. I can honestly say I am offended equally now by the ones I get just as much than when I was fat. I have to hear on a daily basis people’s judgment on what I eat, how many miles I ran, actual commentary on my legs/muscles etc. and it is okay because I am “normal”. I think that is what bothers me, that people can feel it is alright to create commentary on skinny/normal/fit but up in arms about it when it is overweight. It is not alright for either case.

  36. This is a very thought provoking post. I completely agree with you that skinny shaming is just as much of a thing as fat shaming. And it appears to be especially a thing for women.
    I hate that people, men and women, feel the need to make comments about our bodies regardless of their size. When I was over weight, no one hesitated to tell me so. When I lost weight, no one hesitated to praise me. When I was pregnant, no one hesitated to make comments about how quickly I gained weight and after my daughter was born, no one hesitated to congratulate me on how quickly I lost it again.
    It is so sad that we cannot see past the bodies to the person inside.

  37. Good thoughts.
    At first, I was a little upset at the beginning of this because I’ve been “skinny shamed” and have felt self conscious about my size, but I totally agree with your conclusion. Body shaming PERIOD is not cool, and while skinny shaming exists, I agree that there’s more stigma attached to being fat rather than skinny, although the hurt can run deep no matter which camp you’re in.

  38. I don’t think anyone should be shaming anyone! It hurts both ways and although it is socially much more acceptable to be skinny rather than fat, I don’t think shaming anyone is right. I agree with you that it is always about the person throwing stones and never the recipient. Most people that shame to feel powerful, feel powerless in some or all areas of their lives. On another note, I have someone guest posting that is going to be talking in length about her experience with skinny shaming.. stay tuned! xo

  39. Great, thought-provoking post and comment thread! I’m in the “agree with you on nearly everything” camp, having been the focus of many hurtful comments for being slim, skinny, etc.

    Also, people assume you are judging THEM if they aren’t eating healthy, when all you are doing is enjoying your salad. But that’s another post.

  41. IMO, judging someone on any aspect of their appearance is not cool. The skinny shaming strikes a chord for me because I got it a lot when I was a pre-pubescent kid. I was a tall, gangly kid made of (basically) skin and bones and got all the weird comments – from kids AND adults! It made me really body conscious at a really young age which has obviously had implications in my adult life. Good post Carla!

  42. It’s totally a thing! People don’t realize but when they comment on your weight – skinny or not – it’s a personal thing. You never know where someone is on their journey. It’s like asking when the baby’s due… you better see the kid’s head crowning and be 100% sure of the situation before you open your mouth.

    And why do people think it’s ok to try to pick up a smaller person? Hands off, bitches. LOL!

  43. I so, so, so wish I had been able to attend that panel.
    This topic intrigues me, as someone who’s always been smack dab in the middle when it comes to weight. I thankfully haven’t experience skinny or fat shaming.

    Although I did experience a lot of ‘smart’ shaming in my adolescence… (my response was the same as yours; it’s all about the shamer….).

  44. What a great post. And a great comments section! This is one of the few places on the internet where “don’t read the comments” is BAD advice, haha. 🙂

    Here’s the thing – I don’t think thin privilege and skinny shaming are mutually exclusive. Does society privilege thin people in certain ways? Sure. But that makes it no less hurtful when someone tells that thin person to eat a hamburger. (That’s actually the reason I hate the whole “real women . . . ” mindset. “Real women have curves,” “real women eat steak,” whatever. No. All women are real women. Period, full stop.)

    I think the interesting thing about skinny shaming though, is that more than anything, it points up how we as a culture view women’s bodies as objects for consumption. Like, why is it socially acceptable to comment on someone’s body at ALL? The only reason that would seem ok is if a person’s body is somehow community property – if a person’s body is expected to conform to the viewing preferences of any given viewer. So from that standpoint, skinny-shaming and fat-shaming are part of the same cloth, and both are equally worthy of calling out and pushing back against, whether or not the thinner person is benefiting from thin privilege.

  45. I get a lot of “You’re already so thin. You wouldn’t understand.” / “You’re skinny, so obviously you can eat whatever you want.” I definitely believe skinny shaming exists and that it can be extremely detrimental, but I do agree that there is skinny privilege.

  47. I think the problem is that people tend to comment insensitively (sometimes intentionally, sometimes not) any time someone is different from them. I get comments about all the running I do, despite being pretty average size. I’m like you though, I don’t ever really take it personally because it’s usually an issue they have with themselves, rather than an actual issue with me.

  48. I do believe there is such a thing as skinny shaming for sure. Folks will use any excuse to spew some hate around especially when it comes to skinny – everyone wants to be skinny. I believe the comments can hurt just as badly as fat shaming too.

  49. Very disappointing, Carla. I remember well when you used to stand for something. You and Roni have both gone very soft, and it’s kind of sad.

    Why should people like you or me have to apologize for taking an active role in our personal health? For having rules/standards/priorities that differ from the overweight and sedentary majority of our country’s citizens?

    I lost about 70 pounds in eight months in 2006, going from 200 to the low 130s , by eating simple whole foods and exercising daily. I have maintained the loss the same way. When I turn down baked goods, pizza lunches, chocolate, etc. from co-workers (most of whom are fat, none of whom do any sort of purposeful exercise) I get: “come on, live a little,” “you run every day, you’ll burn it right off,” “you’re no fun,” “you’re too skinny! You need some junk food!” — by the way, at 5’2″ I am NOT skinny; I am, however, very lean for my weight with 16% body fat at last test…and I’m 50 years old.

    So, yeah…you can blah blah about skinny privilege but let’s not forget that America is now 70% overweight, with 35% of that population obese. People who make fitness and nutrition a priority are a shrinking minority and I find it very disturbing that you of all people are now buying into this PC BS made up by the majority to make YOU and ME feel bad about working hard for our health and appearance.

    • Thanks so much for your long comment, Lavabug. It sounds like youre a long time reader of Roni’s (and mine?) and so I assume youve also read my post about ADULT BULLYING when people have made the same comments you cite about about the fact I don’t drink? I never apologize about that. I dont about the way that I look. I do firmly believe the notion of skinny shaming is as I shared in the article: to me it DOES RING SO CLOSE to the Christian white male claiming he is the most discriminated against in our society.
      SERIOUSLY?
      At the end of the day skinny is society’s ideal (as is that damn while christain male).
      More than anything I believe we see what we need/want in everything as I received private messages from others saying I’d become too hard line.
      That I was WRONG and SKINNY SHAMING did exist.
      Not compassionate enough toward the people who are on receiving end of “you’re no fun! eat a burger.”
      Those people would definitely not say very soft. Life is so often about perspective.
      And Im with you. Ill never apologize who what I do and who I am. From tattoos to tuna-out-of-the-can eating. Any judgement is not about me but about the other.
      SO MANY CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MAINTAINING. It’s hard and as I chase down 50 I see it only takes more determination.

    • Have we gone soft or have we matured to realize no one can MAKE us FEEL anything?

      And that’s one of the message I’m trying to spread regardless of body size. Why does it always have to be an us vs them mentality? We’re all in this together.

  50. these were amazing points! I see skinny shaming everyday with my best friend and it’s really sad. I’m so glad you posted this & I found your blog!! <3

  51. Skinny shame IS a real thing. After I lost 80 pounds, I constantly heard others (including friends) that I was too thin, too skinny, etc. I never let it really bother me probably because I was fat my whole like and that bothered me more. I felt the people who made these comments to me, did so because they were unhappy with some aspect of themselves.

  53. Skinny shaming, fat shaming, whatever shaming. It’s all judging. And most particularly at women. Men get shamed to a degree, but not like women and honestly most of the shaming seems to be done *by* women.

  57. Maybe the snarky comments are easier to shake off because skinny is the ideal? (Maybe not for you personally, but for others).

  58. I think “skinny shaming” is a misnomer because there is no actual shame involved. No one feels shame for being thin in a culture obsessed with thinness. Maybe people don’t like comments drawing attention to it, but that is different than shame. Shame is the feeling that you are a bad person, a worthless person, etc. because of something. Like being fat, or not being thin. That is something that in our culture is viewed as shameful– something that makes you less-than. Skinniness is celebrated. Even calling someone anorexic or implying that they are unhealthy because they’re so thin doesn’t have the same impact of telling someone they’re obese, because of the connotations the latter carries.

  59. This post raises some great questions. I would never comment on my skinny friends’ sizes, though. Isn’t that just being polite? 🙂 So I guess I sort of think it’s a thing, but the stigma attached to larger people (like me!) is much worse. Still, we can all be kinder!

  60. For me skinny shaming is a thing, as I have been the product of rude comments and stares because of my size. Even though “skinny” is the ideal, it is also judged as well. In society’s eyes we can never be perfect, those who are skinny can be “too skinny” etc. I believe there is both skinny shaming and fat shaming, we just maybe don’t hear about the skinny shaming as much.

  61. I’m tall and thin (always have been), and people have always thought it’s acceptable to say things like, “If you’d gain some weight, you wouldn’t be cold.” Or, “Put some meat on your bones, you’re such a beanpole.” I’ve been asked if I have an eating disorder, if I have an exercise addiction, and many other inappropriate questions based on my body type. Why does society think it’s ok to say things like this to thin people? I think in general, people are far more careful about what they say to those who are overweight. It’s not ok to make comments to anyone based on their appearance (other than compliments), regardless of how much they weigh.

  62. My experience has been that being called skinny was NEVER an insult, ever. After losing 50 pounds in highschool, people would say, “Oh my gosh, you look awesome! You’re so skinny!”.
    Whereas previous to weight loss, comments like “chubs” and “big boned” were thrown around as insults. Never as a compliment.
    Our world worships skinny, so if you ever did feel like you were being shamed for being skinny, all you’d gave to do is pick up a magazine to feel good again.

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