Starting my second life.

by

30th

the night of my 30th birthday.

 I have a number of friends—apparently I hang with a younger crowd–who’ve turned 30 this year.

For many of them the transition from 20’s to 30 has been challenging.

A sense of leaving the freedom of youth behind and of the fact it’s time to (finger quote) buckle down (unF.Q.) and commence adulting.

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or any day, really…

30 for me didn’t feel like a milestone.

I’d been married for two years.

I owned a small business (which probably should have been maturing–I still felt pretty footloose & fancy free).

I appreciated the surprise soiree the Husband planned–yet the birthday felt like any other.  A sort of non-event.

As a result, I can’t relate when aforementioned friends panic about changing decades and aging up.

It’s not the: Oh honey, you don’t get it. You’re a baby. You just can’t see it yet. others sometimes express.

30 just sparked no life-reflection pause for me.

Neither did 40.

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turning 40 was tie dye and pottery painting.

Neither (for sake of getting seriously specific with this post) did turning 45.

Somewhere in the middle of my 45th year, however, everydamnthing shifted.

Not because we moved.

Not because the marriage hit rough terrain.

I struggled with pinpointing why until I stumbled upon this quote by Tom Hiddleston.

We all have two lives. The second life starts when we realize that we only have one.

Reading his words made me gasp.

That was it.

Smack in the middle of my 45th year I began my second life.

A life which, to the delight and dismay of those around me, filled with a sense of urgency.

Whether this living with urgency was indicative of being “mid-life” (a term which doesn’t resonate with me) or simply the second life Hiddleston so perfectly captures urgency became my backdrop.

Urgency is not panic.

For me creating a sense of urgency means it is imperative I am fully present each moment.

Focusing too much on the future distracts me (as does social media at times).

Future-focus results in anxiety and stress.

Urgency is optimism.

I procrastinate.  I’ve overcome that trait through structured procrastination.  For me, living with a sense of urgency means I am disciplined enough to achieve my goals, yet simultaneously choose to view the glass as not only half-full but refillable.

Optimism will help propel me through my second life as, when I encounter obstacles, nothing motivates me more than finding that silver lining.

Urgency is not letting my life run me.

I need to not be busy. Living with a sense of urgency isn’t busy it’s productive.

Urgency is defining my values and goals. Urgency is knowing what I’m willing to do/sacrifice to achieve my goals and being aware of how I spend my most valuable asset.

When time is infinite (or perceived to be) there’s no need for a sense of urgency.

We all have two lives. The second life starts when we realize that we only have one.

This notion of having only one chance at this thing called life is a daunting realization—but it’s also a gift.

As Hiddleston implies–it’s empowering.

I’m choosing for my second life to be lived with the backdrop of “pressing importance.”

A second act where I make measurable progress daily.

A part two where I focus attention and time on what is most important to me.

Now you.

  • Had you heard the Hiddleston quote before? 
  • Have you stopped to consider what your second life will look like?

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Comments

  1. Love everything about this. Probably because it could be titled the Story of Jill’s Second Life. I’m going to have urgency is optimism tattooed some where. Ok, I probably won’t actually get a tattoo, but love it none the less.

    Have a fabulous Monday!

    • hmmmmm you may HAVE me with the tattoo idea BUT I also know where you could get a tattoo made (temporary FTW) with those words as well. For the days when you need an extra reminder <3

  2. What a powerful post. I truly do thank you for writing this & including the Hiddleston quote as it’s not something I’ve heard before. I hope you don’t mind that I show this post to a couple friends.

  3. I had not heard that quote before but OMG YES! My second life started when I turned 40…which is when I started doing LESS.
    I love the thought of the glass being refillable!!!!

  4. Ooh, I love the quote. I’m not sure urgency works for me because it is too strongly associated with all those damn “urgent” work emails. I’m not sure I’ve started my second life, but it probably is about time I do!

  5. so far I have loved every year getting older and I hope it stays that way! I get smarter and enjoy life more and have the resources to do all the crazy things I dreamed about…I feel like our move to FL was sort of starting my second life early. I do everything early, menopause… ya know. 🙂

  6. Man this post hit me right in the feels.

    I didn’t blink at 30.
    I feel like my life will start going at hyper speed once little man arrives. Days will feel numbered, and years far too short.

  7. I had not heard that quote before, but it really resonates with me. I’ve been struggling all summer with trying to figure out where and how to move forward. What are my priorities? How much time needs to be assigned to which activities? How do we find more time to spend with family?

    I turn 45 this week and all summer I’ve been hyper sensitive to the thought of “what more do I want to accomplish?” I’m finding more and more that I need to re-align things to match my overall goals in life.

    • WHAT ARE MY PRIORITIES?
      HMMM this is something I know and actually recall from my masters degree too 🙂 we should do a CORE VALUES ASSESSMENT. You have me thinking…

  8. I hadn’t heard that quote before, but it has a weighty feel to it, in my mind. I must ponder it at length, because I have a feeling it’s got the potential to be epiphany-generating…

    • now I want to know more about WHO TOM IS, WHAT his story is, WHAT he’s doing now…(if he is blogging about me 🙂 all that).

  10. I had not heard the quote but I understand it. I’ve been feeling this hard lately..it just took me a little longer than you to get here. I don’t hate it.

  12. I had not heard the quote before thanks for sharing.

    I started my second half last year when I hit 50.
    It is very sobering to think/know you have less time
    ahead of you than behind you.

    Turning 50 hit me hard for some reason. I had long gone
    through menopause thanks to surgery back in 2009.

    Your attitude changes at least I know mine did into
    one of “Your not the boss of me” you take less bull-s–t
    in your second life than your first.

    • it’s that NYT article (did you see it?) about IM TOO OLD FOR _____ which is a huge gift of aging. I know 50 will be a rough one here. Actually I wont say that as the words I type become the house I live in so I SHALL SAY: I wonder if 50 will be hard OR if I will have found my stride!”

  15. I’d not heard this quote before but YES! 30 and 40 were no big deal here. I’d say the reality of time ticking hit around 48. I’ve been refining, prioritizing. Life truly is too short to waste wading through the extraneous.

  16. I have never heard that quote before, but it is so beautiful and true. I will admit that 30 did bother me somewhat. Not because of the age, but because I felt like I was not where I thought I should be at that point in my life. But really, are we ‘supposed’ to be anywhere?

    • <3 <3 <3 no words for what a tremendous compliment that is. I shall practice what I preach, NOT SHRUG OFF :-) and just say thank you.

  18. Honestly, this post is SO fitting for me this very moment. I have been saying that I feel like I’m living a double life sometimes (moving to another country does that, I suppose). However, it’s not a double life, I guess it would really be my second life. I feel that sense of urgency you’re talking about, and maybe it was turning 35 for me where this has made me snap out of it, but I’m becoming much more focused and aware of why I’m here (and by here I mean in existence) and what my purpose is. This was such a wonderful post and that quote (as well as your post) has just lifted me out of a serious fog!

    • OH ERIN. I have that nose tingle thing you (I? is it just I who get? :-)) when you could cry as THIS is always my overarching goal with anything I write from a lunch box note to my daughter to blogging. To spark in someone the YOU TOO? I THOUGHT I WAS SO ALONE. <3

    • YOU Are my new favorite. wait OLD FAVORITE. WAIT you’re not old my favoriting is old. UM…I LIKE YOU 🙂

  20. I had not heard this quote before but wow–spot on, isn’t it? As I approach 50 (quickly!) I don’t necessarily have a sense of urgency, but yet I do want to make sure I am making the most of the time I have left. Shifting priorities to be sure.

  22. It’ funny – my husband had a surprise party for me when I turned 30, and I also had a major shift at age 45 (my father died that year – my youth was over for good). I am thoroughly enjoying the second half of my life and at 53 I can say I’ve never been happier in my marriage and I love my grown kids so much.

  24. I love this post…and you.

    Always the late bloomer, it wasn’t until I was 48 that I had a “whoa” moment in regards to my age…in some ways I think my second life started about 10 years ago (at 42) but I didn’t realize it had started until I was 48.

    And here’s the weird part (re urgency): I choose to believe that I have all the time in the world, because the feeling that belief creates helps me to not rush out of a sense of panic and desperation. Thus I am enjoying the process more. And I get that “urgency” isn’t rushing 🙂

  25. I had never heard of that quote before, but like you I will soon be turning 46 and I notice that I have these same feelings. Things that aren’t important I’ve let go (or am working on letting go) and concentrating on just the things that are positive. That are going to help me achieve my dreams. I think it was an eye opener in that. I finally realized that tomorrow if actually today.

  26. Such a thought provoking post Carla. I love this, “We all have two lives. The second life starts when we realize that we only have one.” I do believe this and try to make the best of my life each and every year.

  27. I have not heard the quote before but I love it! Thanks for sharing it. It really puts life into perspective. Going through cancer brought home to me that this is it, I might not be catlike after all. After I finished my treatments I threw a big party and invited everyone who was helpful and even those that were not but had been friends in the past and I hired a bag pipe band who usually play at funerals and wakes. I wanted them at my rebirth party.

  28. I love this post Carla- I loved the big birthdays, felt so much possibility unfolding. 50 I didn’t love so much but as I approach a really big birthday (in 2 yrs) I too am in my Second Life- or what I lovingly call another Big Cleanup- wherein things that don’t work or don’t fit fly out, dissolve, disappear and I let them. Where there is more blank canvas than I’ve seen in a long long time, and where as long as I can stay out of Future Time I am happy and well. My second life is about truth-telling among other things and I can’t be with anything or anyone that feels untrue/dishonest, even or especially if it’s emotional dishonesty. And so things are pared down. And I’m in this incredible new town, living a very very new life. Blessed and grateful for all of it. Love to you~Lisa xo

  30. That quote. Captures everything that’s come to a head for me over the past few years.

    And that Desire Map workshop I did last winter? Helped me crystallize how I wanted my second life to feel!

  31. No, this is the first time I’ve heard that quote, but I definitely like it! A major transition for me was when I came to Florida at 28 after completing my surgical residency and began my new job as an on my own, the buck stops here, university assistant professor.

    I have a long term friend in Philly that once told me about herself, “I decided to become an imortalist! It’s amazing how it takes the pressure off!” lol

  32. I totally agree, my 30’s were just ehhhh, I felt like I breezed along and really only think “life changers happened in my 20’s and now my 40’s. Things have different meaning, a different sense of “priority” and certainly happiness for me is getting pushed to the front of the line. I’ve lived for so many years trying to please others while putting myself second. It has lead to mounds of sadness and ultimately less healthy habits. This month I decided I’m done being second! I watched my Mom go through Cancer and Chemo and I was terrified. Time to make changes and today is just a good a day as ANY OTHER! thank you for your wonderful post! And always inspiring us to think.

  34. I love this. I’m not sure it’s a moment for me, but more like an evolving something or other. Or like a layer of clay that is cracking and peeling off revealing some kind of raw fresh me underneath it. Maybe the moment is when it is all off and the air hits your new skin all at once? Happy first day of school to the not so little little.

  36. I am the same age as you so I can relate in many ways. I too did not freak at 30 or 40, but the older I get, the faster life seems to be going, so I am very aware of thinking positive, enjoying my life, and more importantly collecting positive memories with my family and friends. I have three small children, so let’s face it, I’m busy, I can’t change too much of that, but I can limit what we do and try to manage my stress so that those memories are filled with joy not the opposite. I do feel like I have a second life of sorts. I know one thing, I wake up grateful for the one have every single day, even when things seem tough, I still feel full of gratitude.

  37. Never heard the quote…don’t make a big deal out of being almost 62. Can’t wait to age up into the next age group however… (65-69) so I guess I am living in the “here and now”-and never though about the “second life” thing except when I divorced and started over. Which was empowering in itself-so I thank the ex every day in my head. Just signed up for triathlon # 125 and am looking forward to 2016 already.
    I prefer the quote “If you didn’t know how old you ARE, how old would you BE?” Just swam 1.2 miles and now I am off to collect boulders in the desert now….in my head I’m about 28.

    • and I cant decide why that one never resonated with me either!! At first I liked it (TWELVE!!) but then I thought, for me, about how I can feel young and act young but life is still finite no matter what I choose to think/believe. For me it just works to live that way…to harness the motivation of urgency.

  38. Precisely! I love that quote, and had not seen it before, but am totally going to slap it on a sticky note.

    It happened for me at age 45 too, and each year since, I let go of something — a behavior, activity, idea (sometimes a relationship) — that feels stifling or unproductive, confining or not contributing to what I want to do with that second life.

    Great post, so glad I read this today.

  40. I’d never heard that quote before. I’m still trying to figure out when I’m going to feel like an adult, and how my parents managed the lives my family had when my parents were my age. Who.

  41. I had not heard this quote before, but boy does it hit me right where I live. Like you 30 and 40 didn’t phase me much, or give me pause, but my recent 49th birthday has left me spinning. I’m trying to get a better handle on my priorities and making sure that each day reflects those priorities – “not letting my life run me.”

    • What a great quote…..makes perfect sense to me right now! I like knowing urgency has different facets and that sometimes urgency can be taking your time to choose or act! You’ve described the stages and phases so well here, Carla! Just what I needed this week!

    • I swear with school starting and ME BEING HOMEWORK FEARING 🙂 (as in not the child) I need to make that a mantra too. It feels here as though once it starts (life running me) it is unbelievably hard to get it all back under control.

  42. What a great quote…..makes perfect sense to me right now! I like knowing urgency has different facets and that sometimes urgency can be taking your time to choose or act! You’ve described the stages and phases so well here, Carla! Just what I needed this week!

  43. I think we all reach a point where time is the most important resource we have. As a result, it instinctually becomes “how do I spend my time?” No urgency. No panic. We discover that our time is worth more than coffee with someone who’s never really been a fit for us; time when we live as though today is our last… With purpose, conscious choice and love.

  44. Oh Carla, I so feel like this is me. I swear sometimes you take the words out of my head. Either that or we are twins. I am certainly living a second life. One life that I hate, but feel stuck in because I keep getting hurt or most recently, getting into a car accident and can’t let go of that life because I need it to support me while I heal. It’s so frustrating to feel stuck, but I know my priority right now is healing and getting well. I’m no good to myself if I am not healthy.

  45. I haven’t heard that quote before, but I think that’s happening to me this year. I read the Children’s series of The Golden Compass, and in the 3rd book they are talking about death and the beliefs they have. It was so beautiful and thought provoking.
    But it left me thinking about the fact that life will end, and I don’t really want it to…but I want my story to have some Life! to it. So I guess the second half of my life is here now.

  46. Urgency. I’m hearin ya! But I’ve been trying to relax into the second half and live it with more joy and openness than I did during my first half. Fun new quote—something to consider during my morning walk.

  47. I have never read that quote before but WHAM. Yes. Hit me like a ton of bricks. I think for me the second life began at age 32/33 when my husband was so ill then miraculously recovered. After that I started to be more focused on what was best for me and us, not what I thought others might think would be best. You know?

  49. Wow. My second life has been a lot like my first, trying to keep on top of crisis after crisis. It’s not how i would choose, but for some reason, it seems to be what rolls around here.

  51. I haven’t heard this quote before, but it’s a nice friendly slap in the face! Moving through life with urgency has been my MO for a long time…I need to slow it down!

  52. I had never heard this quote before – but I love it!
    I too have been feeling a sense of “urgency”. I couldn’t explain why but after reading this article I finally know where it is coming from.
    I turned 36 this summer and I have felt this drive to change my surroundings, my attitude, my website. I even considered getting a tattoo. Guess I’m not so crazy after all. 🙂

  53. Hmmm, makes me think I’m still on my first life, but I love your insight, as always!

    …however, maybe this is a stepping stone to that, is I’m trying to be done feeling guilty for ways I DON’T spend my time. Going and being active outside is MUCH more important and fun to me than having a completely pristine and organized house. Trying to let go of the fact that I can magically have the time to maintain both, plus my job and not go completely insane with no downtime!

  55. As always Ms Carla you speak to me.
    I feel a bit like 30 is a second life for me. Perhaps because my 20s were hard. Perhaps because in the past few years I have lost, restarted, lost again, grieved, and learned. But 30 feels different somehow.

  56. You had me at “second life”. I’ve never heard this quote but it is certainly an eye-opener. I’m starting my 2nd year of my second life – the one where I can focus on the stuff that’s important to me …as an individual – not a mom, or wife, or sibling. Gigi part deux is kicking some @ss when in the past I’d let people walk all over me. Still mulling the marriage thing but until I decide, am focusing on my non-profit and a writing career. I self-published my first novel in July. Scared/excited for what comes next. Wonderful post – as always.

  58. Ever since Liam arrived I can’t help but think how fast time is moving. Last night we watched the movie “UP” as a family and every time I see those first five minutes I look at my husband and think, it will be gone before we know it. And I wonder, what is our “Paradise Falls?” Because whatever it is I want to make sure we do it together.

  59. Oooh, never heard that quote before, but I think I just gasped a little, too.
    29 was harder for me, but I embraced 30. I’d read something by a friend that said “aging is a privilege denied to too many,” and it stuck with me. Now I try to live more intentionally and accept aging as something we all must do.

  60. Love this post and all the truth/honesty in it!! I am part of the just turned 30 this year crowd, but I really relate to what you said about time not being infinite and really deciding what values are and prioritizing actions accordingly!

  61. “I am disciplined enough to achieve my goals, yet simultaneously choose to view the glass as not only half-full but refillable.”

    <3

    Turning 25 was a big one for me – HUGE amounts of reflection (and, ahem, mild freaking out :)). I love that there are so many opportunities in our life for growth and change. Hadn't heard the Hiddleston quote before but it makes you think!

  62. I think the only reason I got frazzled when I turned 40 was because I was still single and childless. I wasn’t too worried about everything else. I was financially secure and okay career-wise but it felt like I was running out of time.

    Once I realised I wasn’t going to have children I think it was my turning point – the moment I realised I was living that one life. It hit me that THIS (the life I was living at the time) was the life I was going to living forever. There was to be none of the stuff I’d dreamed about.

    I wasn’t happy in that life and that realisation gave me the impetus to make changes… so yes, I guess I am now living my second life.

    xx

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