It’s hard to believe we’re only three weeks deep into summer vacation.
Homework fights and science fair stuffs already feel like a lifetime ago.
In a great way.
(Is it too soon to start dreading 5th grade?)
I credit much of our lackadaisical pace and be present lifestyle to the Mindful Bucket List we created.
Even when we aren’t actively crossing items off our list it’s helped shift *my* perspective on summer.
I no longer approach these months in a panic of How many things can we do before it’s over? or How little work will I be able to finish while she’s off?
Thanks to our list Ive subconsciously adopted five words, ones I don’t normally adore, as they capture my attitude perfectly: It is what it is.
An in between few months which are filled with potential and I don’t yet know what will happen.
But I digress.
The other night, after a longass day tolerating Austin heat, I spied these in a store:
I’m always a fan of a good uniquely shaped glow stick–what’s not to love?–and these seemed perfect for item #10 on our Mindful List:
Stargaze and sleep outside on trampoline.
I was excited (it had been eons since I’d slept outdoors sans-tent).
I was prepared (I bought extras in case our frames died out in the night).
Ever a terrible secret keeper I immediately divulged my plan when I arrived home.
We’ll go outside tomorrow after dark, get settled on the trampoline with blankets and pillows (and Golden Doodle), we’ll stargaze and stay out until morning!
Her response, to my surprise, was an emphatic no.
Yes she’d love to stargaze, yes she’d love to set up camp on the tramp(oline), no way would she sleep out there tent-free as snakes could slither up the metal legs and get us.
It was almost as if she’d read my post.
Her no was clear and emphatic, but she offered an option which did work for her:
She wouldn’t sleep the entire night on the trampoline, but she’d love to hang out there until the middle of the night.
Within mere moments (hello 10) the monologue began:
My glasses aren’t working. I can’t see. Why are yours glowing already? I need a new pair. Did you bring more outside?
Calmly and patiently reminded her she needed to break them. A lot.
(I’m kinda broken do I glow?)
Being ten she chose to instead place her current pair on the Doodle, pretended they’d always been intended for him, and ripped open yet another package.
Why don’t these work either? I have glasses but they won’t glow. I won’t be able to see anything. Why are yours working?!
I little less patiently I reminded her she needed to BREAK THEM before she fashioned them into frames. If she didn’t break them enough they wouldn’t shine.
(I feel a little broken. Will I shine soon?)
And finally it worked.
LOOK, Mama! These work! I broke them in every place and now they glow and shine! I broke everywhere and they glow so bright!!
(Is that it for all of us? Do we need to break as only after that can we SHINE!!)
As we laid back and gazed upward I found myself unable to be blank like a sheet of paper.
My conscious mind clung tenaciously to the notion of our glasses not shining until we’d broken broken broken them.
This year has kicked my ass.
This year has been filled with pivots and change.
The year I break before I shine.
The next morning, like an adult, I googled to see if my Ah Ha! Ima Glow Stick! moment was unique to me. It was not. I discovered a few unattributed quotes about being broken before you shine, but discovering this didn’t diminish my shine.
I’m a glow stick who values connection.