I have to versus I get to.

by

I HAVE TOVSI _GET_ TO.(1)

Years ago I hurt my back.

I couldn’t move around without pain let alone exercise.

At all.

For months.

It was during that stretch of time my attitude toward the cardio-exercise I loathed shifted from: “I *have* to do cardio” to “I get to do cardio.”

It happened gradually, yet after a while when I’d hear others lament they had to walk or Zumba or run or elliptical, my first thought would be: Oh. I’d love to be able to move that way right now. I wish I could do the cardio I used to whine about.

As Joni sang: You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

To be my People friend is to be on the receiving end of vents about how I’m often alone and the husband gets to come (what feels to me like) in & out.

More frequently than I’d like I “unpack” (as the kids say) my feelings about how I’d love to pop in, have fun and leave.

I’m many things and apparently one of them is slow.

It took 6 years, but last night, as the Child & I chatted about her first days of school and the upcoming year, everything clicked.

I don’t *have* to be the one supervising homework – – I get to be the one managing her after-school efforts.

I GET to be the one into whose bed she leaps when yet another thunderstorm errupts.

I get to be the one who “makes” her read each night before she goes to bed.

I get to be the one who shares with her all about boobs, pubes and periods.

(And I *get* to be the one who surprises her with an extra episode of a trashy sitcom with a scoop of ice cream on the side.)

Indeed, when you change the way you look at things the things you look at CHANGE.

Today, however, more than Wayne Dyer I fancy myself a Seth Godin wannabe.

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 (S.G.’s head shot is not a road-selfie.)

This post was longer, more rambling, and contained numerated tips.

I edited. I deleted. I realized, unlike with other feelings, there are zero tricks to mindset-shifting here.

It happens all-at-once.

In a moment.

In this moment.

It happens when we make the conscious choice to change every I have to which threatens to escape our lips into an I get to.

It’s as easy and as hard as that.

Will you choose to join me?

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Comments

  1. I actually listened to an amazing podcast on this exact switching of words a year or so ago…I’ve listened to it on repeat a few times since especially on the ‘hard’ days. We are soooo blessed in many ways to ‘GET TO’ that we take it for granted!

  3. Sometimes i imagine what it will be like when time passes and everything is different, and it makes me enjoy what i “get” to do now a bit more.

  4. Switching “I have to” to “I get to” in certain aspects of my life will be a challenge. But I am up to that challenge. Inspirational post to start the day by, Carla. I don’t “have to” get ready for work now. I’m happy to have a job to go to.

  5. My husband used to hate schlepping my daughter around with her friends. I LOVED being the one who GOT to [over]hear their backseat conversations.

  6. It’s so true. There are days I’m pulling my hair out with kids but then something clicks and I remember “‘I get to.” It’s a humbling notion.

  7. I have to remind myself about this with kid stuff all the time, these “chores” tending to their needs will be so very missed when then don’t need me any more and I have too much time on my hands to reflect about it 😉

  8. My husband and I had this conversation about his work. He used to say he had to go to (fill in the blank with a random city, country), but I always thought, “no, you get to go to (fill in the blank)!! I love this!

  10. I’m already there. Since losing my mom so many years ago, even the most trying days with the boys I GET to be with them.
    And exercise? Eternally grateful every damn day for the training I GET to do!
    Love every single bit of this!!

  13. This reminds me of a conversation I had with my aging Mother in the early 90s when she was complaining about HAVING to walk every day to keep her weight in check and her joints lubricated (she was obese by the way) and I told her she didn’t HAVE to but she was lucky she was ABLE to… Lose it our use it, Mama!

    It has stayed with me all these years when I think about things I may not really want to do either but boy am I thankful that I CAN!

  18. I choose to join you. I just need to remind myself not to forget.

    It’s so hard when you’re living a life of “I have to…” for so long. But you’re right. We get to do so much. Changing the thought process and the wording will make it all seem that much more important and less forced upon us. xo

  19. I hurt my back in June and I was out of commission for a month. I’m still wary about it now when I go workouts and I remember when I was cleared to go ahead that I was so happy I GOT to even work out. There’s so many things that we take for granted until they’re taken away!

  20. Lovely thoughts, Carla. A good friend recently set me straight with similar words. Look for the negative, you’ll find the negative. Look for the positive and you will find positive.

  21. In life, we have to do things like taxes. But you know what? We are fortunate to live where we have enough to give back. Well, mostly. You know what I mean. Trying to make taxes appealing is hard, ok???

  23. I feel exactly this way too, when it comes to exercise. Mobility and health are a privilege that not everyone has, and this is what I share with my clients too. I do need to start applying it to parenting responsibilities, because, you are right, it’s a gift.

  24. Great post and love the idea of changing our mindset. I’ve had to change my eating habits and I really need to adopt that… remind myself that it’s a new and different opportunity.

    I ‘get’ to do this….

    Making the negative into a positive. Love it!

  25. This makes me sound terrible (like I don’t want to spend time with my child, which of course I do!), but whenever I’m exhausted and it’s my turn (the hubs and I alternate nights) to rock my son to sleep, I tell myself “I GET TO rock him, not I HAVE TO.” And it’s so true! These days are so fleeting and before I know it he will be too big to be rocked to sleep in my lap. 🙁
    I also try to think this way for exercise because it truly is a gift to be able to run or jump or bike or chase my son/dog. Not everybody GETS to move like that!

Trackbacks

  1. […] (As inspired by my favorite parenting role model, Carla.)   I have to….   I get to…   It’s a pretty different sentiment, and one I think I might be missing when it comes to a lot of what I do in the day. So it’s time for a massive reframe that focuses on everything I have to be grateful for.   I have to go to work. I GET to go to a job I love, with people I enjoy working with and learning from, and I get to do it all in an environment where I’m comfortable, supported, and challenged.   I have to get so much done every day. I GET to live a life full of people who trust me to get things done, and done well. And I get to benefit from not only their trust, but their appreciation and praise. Even better, I get to do it all with the help of a tiny but powerful team of people – both at work and at home – who make sure it’s always awesome.   I have to get up early. I GET to wake up in a safe, warm home, cuddle a kid I adore, and get into my fully functional car to get us both where we need to go. And half the time I get to stop for coffee, which is a considerable luxury no matter how you look at it.   I have to go to meetings at the kid’s school, and chase people down to get her the education I need. I GET to be involved in my kid’s education, to advocate for what’s best for her, and take advantage of staff and faculty who want what’s best for her as long as I’m engaged in helping to make it happen. I get to stay on top of what’s happening in her school days, and understand better every day what she needs most, and how I can help be the one to get it for her.   I have to work out. I GET to spend a portion of my hard-earned money on a fun, supportive bootcamp where people genuinely care about how I’m doing and want me to succeed. I get to sweat out my frustrations a few times a week, because I have an incredible support system that helps make it happen, from friends to workout with me to an incomparably awesome mom who watches the kid.   I have to eat better. I GET to focus on my health and happiness, to consume foods that make me feel my best and fuel my best intentions for my long-term health. I get to shop for things I like, spend time making them with care, and share them with people who share my goals. I get to make choices about what I eat, where it comes from, and how I prepare it, instead of being forced into less healthful decisions just because my financial, social, or resource situation dictates those things for me.   I have to spend money on my old car. I GET to benefit from a car I didn’t have to pay a dime for, that continues to fairly reliably get me where I’m going, whenever I need it to.   I have to spend time and effort on cleaning the house, putting away the dishes, doing laundry etc…at the end of a busy day, when I’m tired and worn out. I GET to live in a house with all of these comparative luxuries, and I get to provide them for my family. I get to wear clothes that are nice enough, eat off of dishes I bought for myself, and surround myself with a living space where I’m both safe and comfortable.   I have to handle everything, all the time, because my husband travels during the week. This one needs more than just a reframe because it’s not entirely true, although it is something I find myself thinking a lot. I don’t have to handle everything alone. See aforementioned support system. But still, the reframe is…I GET to spend more time with my daughter than I’d be able to otherwise, and we both get to spend more time with my local family. I get to work a job that allows me some measure of flexibility to put my family first when I need to. And I get to shape the way I spend my free time on work days based only on what I want and need. I get to be the one she has deep conversations with, the one she cuddles with at night, the one she regales with school-day stories. I get to be the one to help her with her homework, to read her bedtime stories, and to watch Cupcake Wars with her while we eat dinner.   So the truth? I have so very, very much to be happy about. I’ve gotten into a rut of thinking about all that I “must” do lately, and it’s long past time I reframe it all to consider everything I get to do. […]

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