Years ago, at a yoga instructor certification course, I overshared expressed concern about a situation with a classmate/new friend.
And expressed.
And expressed.
After I concluded my rambles she said to me:
Are you aware worrying is praying for what you do not want?
I wasn’t.
I’d never considered framing my frets that way.
On a subconscious level I think I believed the opposite to be true.
If I focused energy on my worries and and faced them head-on things could never end up as bad as I feared.
Her words were perspective shifting.
Worrying is praying for what you do not want.
The thing she didn’t know about me was I really didn’t worry all that often. This fact, I soon realized, kind of worked to my disadvantage.
Fretting was such a sporadic event in my life when it happened I tended to ruminate upon what I was worrying about.
To get caught up in a loop of focusing only on my problem to the exclusion of all else.
Worrying is praying for what you do not want.
Back when this exchange happened I was already a firm believer in the Law of Attraction.
I made Vision Boards. I created Gratitude Boards.
I only applied the what we think about is what we will flow our way concept to things I desired in life.
It made perfect sense, however, through focusing on what I did not desire (please don’t let my flight be delayed) I was essentially praying (or attracting if you’re not a prayer) for the undesired event to transpire.
Worrying is praying for what you do not want.
I was sold on the concept.
I was in to shift my mindset the minute she said it.
My conundrum became I still possessed the worry and found—since I was trying not to ruminate—-I now had nothing to *do* with it.
if only it could be this simple…
Others might have been able to immediately stop worrying.
I required an approach and a plan.
And so I created one.
- I asked myself if my worrying was helpful/productive?
Is this a worry where taking time to focus on it will help me take action and lessen my concern?
Is this a fret where my attention really could help bring about a different or âbetterâ outcome?
If my answer was yes then I made worry work for me.
I didn’t squander time/energy with aimless worrying, but used the brief amount of time I dedicated to fretting to open my to solutions and took action.
- I questioned if my worry was fear-based and the scenario actually out of my hands?Â
Here’s where the greatest gift I gave myself was focusing on learning to let go of what I couldn’t control.
For some this becomes “let go let G-d.” For others itâs retraining the brain to focus on letting go in a more general way.
For me it was the latter (use trial and error to discover what works for you).
- I created a dedicated worry place and time.
This part of my plan was a tad anti-Law of Attraction.
I added it to my kick the worrying to the curb arsenal when I discovered ceasing praying for what I did not want (as with most habits) was really hard to do.
My praying did not stop overnight.Â
Until I could retrain my brain to become a worry-releasing machine I longed for a way to truly manage them.
- I dedicated a limited amount of time in my day to worrying in hopes it wouldn’t invade the other 23.75 hours.
The tactic didn’t work for me.Â
I required something more tangible, but still simple.
I bought a woven necklace pouch (the sort younger, hippie Carla put crystals in).
During the day, when a worry threatened to derail my thinking, I wrote my fret on a scrap of paper & placed it in the pouch.
My worrying began to stop.
Not only was I able to start to letting my worries go but as the weeks progressed (and the pouch was practically empty day’s end) I had a tangible indicator my new way of thinking was becoming a habit!
And now (finally) you.
- Are you an ex-worrier who has experienced the AH HA! moment of setting her frets free?
- What tactics/approaches worked for you?
Angela @ happy fit mama says
April 25, 2016 at 5:07 amI am a worrier and this post just made me realize that – aha! – my worries does make it happen. In fact it’s happened over and over again. Wow!
Allie says
April 25, 2016 at 5:12 amI’m such a worrier and I never thought of it in terms of “praying for what you don’t want.” So interesting. I love the idea of writing my worries down and putting them away somewhere. I’m interested to see just how full my pouch would be at day’s end… hmmmm.
Susie @ SuzLyfe says
April 25, 2016 at 5:50 amI remember having a similar aha moment when I heard that quote for the first time! There are a few other times that I have had aha moments about worrying. Essentially–that I was accepting as inevitable what was only a possibility. I think that idea has shaped a great deal of my thinking, actually.
MCM Mama Runs says
April 25, 2016 at 6:14 amI always ask myself “Is there anything I can do that will prevent/change the worried about outcome?” If not, I’ve learned to set it aside and “worry” about the things that I can do something about. Usually it works…
lindsay Cotter says
April 25, 2016 at 7:12 amthis reminds me of the worry box wednesday. Have you heard of that?
Carla says
April 26, 2016 at 4:53 amNO! off to the googles to find out about it!
Paula Kiger says
April 25, 2016 at 7:36 amI truly love this! And I am a total worrier. TOTAL WORRIER. With an almost 20 year old, and a 17 year old who can drive WITHOUT ANOTHER ADULT IN THE CAR starting next Tuesday (probably), the list is long (but short — please let these two human beings convey themselves safely from point A to point B). I think my pouch will have a vehicular design on it! đ
Michelle says
April 25, 2016 at 7:39 amOh man…and here I have maintained that I don’t really pray. I guess I do, though. All the time. I need to rethink this.
Haralee says
April 25, 2016 at 8:12 amThis is a new concept for me. I like it because I certainly do not like worrying and I don’t want the things that worry me to happen. Thanks Carla!
Karen Austin says
April 25, 2016 at 8:44 amI appreciate your thoughts on the subject of worry. I have had a few friends talk about the power of positive visualization in transforming their lives, and the flip side of that coin is the power of worry to bog down your life. I’m going to reread this post. It’s just what I need right now. (We’re selling a house in South Central KS and moving to SW Indiana this summer (Wichita to Evansville). I was actually thinking of making a vision board to help me focus on the positive. This post is nudging me towards the positive.
Sheree says
April 25, 2016 at 8:59 amI’m not a massive conscious worrier, but I think I may have some hidden worrying going on my subconscience over the past few months because my life hasn’t turned out like expected over the past year, since I left a difficult job and started a business/project that I felt was my dream and vision). My biggest challenge right now is figuring out what else to do because I can’t continue on the same course, with all resources depleted. Trying to let go and be open to the opportunities that emerge.
Carla says
April 26, 2016 at 4:52 amOh I get this comment more than you know. So much so Ive taken to walking around Austin (and everywhere else I go) with my arms thrown wide open shouting (sometimes in my head and often not) IM OPEN TO ALL THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER. IM OPEN TO ALL GOOD THINGS. I figure FIRST I say and then hopefully next it all sinks in and I believe?
Roxanne Jones says
April 25, 2016 at 9:36 amLove the characterization of worrying as praying for what you don’t want–that’s pretty accurate, when you think about it. My first, hard lesson in letting go was over 20 years ago when I had to have a breast biopsy. It occurred just as I was falling in love with my future husband. I made a conscious decision to set the worry aside and not eat up my joyful present moments by making myself crazy with “what ifs.” The outcome was going to be what it was going to be, and worrying wasn’t going to change that. Thankfully, my medical outcome was a good one. And I learned a valuable lesson about compartmentalizing and letting go of things I can’t control. It’s stayed with me (most of the time!). Thanks for another great post, Carla.
Carla says
April 26, 2016 at 4:51 amI love the visual of PHYSICALLY setting the worries aside as well. Perhaps that might have helped my OK SO I WILL WORRY FOR 15 MINUTES A DAY AND DONE!!! work a little better for me.
nancy@skinnykitchen.com says
April 25, 2016 at 9:47 amWhen my kids worry, I always say to them, “If worrying helps the situation, by all means continue. If it doesn’t, don’t. It’s wasted energy. That usually has helped me throughout the years and I think it’s helped them too.
I never thought about it this way, “Worrying is praying for what you do not want.”
Food for thought for sure!
Rena McDaniel says
April 25, 2016 at 9:57 amI never thought of it that way, what an interesting concept. I’m definitely a worrier, I will try to think of this next time.
Cheryl says
April 25, 2016 at 9:59 am“Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere”- Erma Bombeck
The real worries start when your daughter starts (1.) hanging out at the mall w/freinds (2.) starts driving or is in the car w/new drivers….going to the mall. (3.) dating guys you know aren’t good for her. (4.) Not commenting or lecturing on choices you know are going to end badly (5.) saying goodbye at the airport as she travels to a different continent (6.) living alone for the fist time in a big city and taking public transportation home at wee hours in the morning….
You think you know what worrying is like NOW? Just wait!
Carla says
April 26, 2016 at 4:50 amI love Erma! And I had no idea that quote was hers!
messymimi says
April 25, 2016 at 12:15 pmSeveral years ago i heard this line, worry is attracting the things you don’t want into your life. Now, when i am concerned about something, i think of the outcome i would like to see and pray for that. It helps.
Donna says
April 25, 2016 at 12:59 pmI could write a book on this….my worrying almost destroyed my life until I found help. I believe that we attract what we think about the most. I was most definitely focusing on problems and not solutions. After a great deal of therapy…and a great deal of work…I now (and I am not cured) focus on positive thoughts, not negative ones. Negative thoughts are not true. This last weekend my therapist held a seminar at my home for 25 women teaching them just that. Teaching them about positive energy versus negative energy…taking false assumptions away and replacing them their limitless possibilities. You are completely right….but many put this in the category of it is too good to believe. I kind of wrote about this today. bleachervision.blogspot.com xoxo
Carla says
April 26, 2016 at 4:49 am(((off to read your post))) as I can think of not much more powerful than 25 women gathered together in positivity or at least working striving clawing their collective way toward that…
emmaclaire says
April 25, 2016 at 1:15 pmI am a chronic worrier who is trying to learn to let go. My therapist introduced the idea of My Plate – if it’s something for which I can affect the outcome, I can leave it “on my plate”. If it’s something over which I have no control whatsoever, it’s “not on my plate”. I have co-workers and the husband using this now, and even refer to my therapy time as “going to the dishwasher”
I like your pouch idea, Carla, and I also like messymimi’s idea of praying FOR a positive outcome instead of worrying ABOUT a negative one. Just the concept of having something concrete to DO with the worry sounds like it would help. Thanks for the suggesstions!
Carla says
April 26, 2016 at 4:48 amGOING TO THE DISHWASHER is such a fantastic phrase. As is the not on my plate concept. (Now Im wondering where you can put the stuff which doesnt belong on your plate? does this necessitate having a partner in life who will take it for you? can you just remove from your plate and not ponder where it ends up?!). xo
emmaclaire says
April 27, 2016 at 10:55 amFunny, Carla, I never thought of where it goes when it’s not on my plate. I actually visualize scraping stuff off the plate into the compost/garbage and then consider it gone. Since I usually don’t think much about where those scraps end up, I don’t think about my emotional scraps either. Hmm… maybe I’m better at this than I thought!
Beth Havey says
April 25, 2016 at 1:18 pmGreat post, Carla. I know I worry. I think I’ve been better about it as I age, because I know it gets me nowhere, just makes me anxious. My husband and I try to walk at least 4 times a week. Getting out the door is sometimes tough, but once out there we meditate as we walk and often that helps with worries. Then when I’m back home, I try to do THAT THING which is worrying me. And it might be as simple as finding my way to a new place. But at the end of the day, I need to feel I’ve accomplished something. Life goes on.
Carla says
April 26, 2016 at 4:46 amI love you meditate as you walk and that you DO THIS TOGETHER. I do view my walks as moving meditation (breath walking) but havent yet begun to *actively* meditate while I amble (if that difference makes sense?). I need to try that…
Lisa @ Runwiki says
April 25, 2016 at 2:12 pmThis is a tough one for me. I was in the Boston bombing in 2013, and ever since that day I have uncontrollable worry from time to time. I do talk myself of the ledge, but my body has a physical response– I get sick to my stomach, I wake up with night terrors, my heart flip flops. The logical part of my brain understands what’s going on, so I feel like I know what to do, ( Generally I do a meditation) and it seems to relax some of the physical responses, but I am certainly a work in progress. I don’t love crowds, I hate loud noises, and I do what I can to protect myself from these things, but I am realistic, I have to live my life, so I don’t avoid all together. I do feel that as I get older I am much more mellow and at peace with the world. I’m just a happy person at this time in my life– it’s a lovely place to be.
Carla says
April 26, 2016 at 4:45 amThe challenge I can only begin to imagine is that your worry is not at all irrational. You’ve experienced it and your body clearly remembers it. Which seems from my perspective a harder fear or worry to break. Im in awe of the fact you can even say ” I don’t avoid all together” as I really could see surrendering to that sort of fear—even just for a brief while. You’re so very strong <3
Dr. J says
April 25, 2016 at 2:46 pmI’ve heard “worrying is a negative prayer.”
I like ” worrying is like a rocking chair, you use a lot of energy, but you don’t get anywhere.”
I think it’s impossible to eliminate worrying, it seems to be built into our makeup. Maybe the Dali Lama doesn’t worry, but he’s the only one đ
Carla says
April 26, 2016 at 4:42 amOOOH yes. I love that visual as well with the rocking chair! I shall credit you for it when I share it with the child đ
Carol cassara says
April 25, 2016 at 4:29 pmThis hit home, Carla. Thanks for the thought provoking post today. It stopped me short.
Jody - Fit at 58 says
April 25, 2016 at 5:49 pmYes, I am a worry wart! I have tried to break this as I know that quote well. Life has never been easy so I guess it was just hard to break the worry. but you always have me thinking.
Michelle @ Running with Attitude says
April 25, 2016 at 8:26 pmI am a worrier working on letting go – some days or situations are easier than others. I never thought of “Worrying is praying for what you do not want” – great way to frame it. I appreciate that you can often get me to think about things from a new perspective.
Coco says
April 26, 2016 at 5:59 amYour thoughts on this have really impacted me. Usually I’m good at compartmentalizing and putting worries out of my mind. It’s harder to truly let go.
Laura Ehlers says
April 26, 2016 at 7:44 amI love this definition of ‘worry’. When I worry/obsess about things, my go-to is to imagine the worse possible outcome and how I would handle it. In my magical thinking mode, once I have a plan then the bad thing won’t happen and if it does I am prepared.
Ridiculous, I know, but it does help with those silly worries which I can do nothing about.
Laurie @ Musings, Rants & Scribbles says
April 26, 2016 at 10:43 amAs a champion worrier, I absolutely love this. I’m going to try it. In my journal, sometimes I list the things bothering me and it helps. It gets them outside myself. I love the pouch idea. Will give it a whirl. Thank you.
lisa says
May 4, 2016 at 10:15 pmHaving anxiety for years, I totally feel this post. My therapist told me to think of worry/anxiety as a hungry monster and do I want to feed that monster with my worry? Or do I want to acknowledge my anxiety, thank it for giving me awareness, but move on?