The post I hope my husband doesnt read.

by

Ive chatted before about how few of my family members read my blog.

This is a good thing, People.

Regardless Ive chosen to write as if no one is reading (to bastardize the quote about dancing. we all know I cant dance)  and it’s freeing none the less.

Today I have a story to share.

A tale Ive already told this woman via Skype and which cracks me UP.

A story which Im confident wont translate into blog form but, as I unpacked the boxes tonight, I felt compelled to share.

Lets back up a bit first.

As a blogger Im fortunate enough to have the opportunity to review products.  UPS pops by here practically daily and the Tornado now greets our UPS man shouting: THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

As soon as he leaves she runs for my video camera and awaits what’s inside.

One evening the UPS man arrived while I was leading a webinar.  I dashed to the door, signed for the package, and said:

sorry to rush you. Im working right now.  leading a teleseminar.

To which our lovely UPS man smiled and responded:

well, you’d better work some more with all the internet shopping you do! go! go!

Ren Man, friends, fellow bloggers, and I laughed about those sentences for a weeks.

It had never occurred to me to think about the fact our UPS guy thought I was PURCHASING all the stuffs which arrive at the domicile daily.

Each time since then—when packageS arrive—I giggle imagining *him* believing I sit here all day not WRITING but ordering.

It all struck me as hilarious.  (clarification: upon rereading Im not sure the above conveys how I LOVE my UPS man. He was teasing ENTIRELY.  Im sure more truth was said in jest…but I adore him).

FLASH FORWARD TO LAST WEEK.

I ambled to my cupboards for some JERKEE and discovered this:

beef jerkee

where did my stash go?!

I panicked since I cant ever find this stuff in stores.  It’s all online ordering.

I scrambled for my wallet, dashed to the computer and had 10 boxes overnighted.  Yep. I decided the extra five dollars was worth it to get me some JERKEE here pronto.

For some reason the order didnt go through & I kept getting an ERROR!!! page so I tried again.

And again.

And again.

And decided to place my order later (Im sure you see where Im going with this).

Hours later I ordered my beloved Jerkee (10 boxes. 100 sticks.  overnighted. ) and this time the order went through…as had the other three (!).

And, by the time I received the order confirmation emails, the SHIPPED! emails followed swiftly behind. (is this not funny at all to you? it may not be.  up in herre Im giggling like there be no ‘morrow).

FLASH FORWARD TO MY UPS DRIVER ARRIVING. 

In the Austin heat, sweating, muttering, PILED HIGH WITH JERKEE BOXES…so high he could barely see.

beef jerky, bodybuilding.com

like this only MUCH HIGHER

He plopped the boxes on the porch, gave me a YOU CRAZY LADY look, and headed back to the truck.

And, since Im never one to think of witty responses inthemoment, I just shouted lovingly at his retreating back:

You SO dont wanna know the story with this one.

And I unpacked it all before Ren Man returned.

one small corner of my new JERKEE stash

 

Yep. That’s it today.

No great fitness tie-in (unless you count the fact Ive built my biceps from the Jerkee). 

No advice (except maybe to be skeptical if you get an ERROR! Order didnt go through! message).

No amazing, moving moment (except the joyful, salty movement of me unpacking the Jerkee treats).

Just a mildly moronic misfit whos all set and READY to eat her weight in ostrich.

Got any good internet ordering stories to normalize my debacle? Id love to hear them…

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Comments

  2. LOL! That’s too funny – especially considering your imminent move. I’ve never had that good/bad an experience except to share the following:

    When we went back to NZ to visit the in-laws a while ago, I went shopping with my adorable MIL and bought a really awesome merino wool tunic. LOVED the tunic. Wore the tunic when we got back and stupidly tossed it in the laundry, which The Boy (trying to help) tossed in the dryer. Cue destroyed tunic.

    I had the sads so I went online and ordered another. Which never arrived. I went back and forth with customer service, getting more and more annoyed when they swore it had been sent. So they sent another one – in a different colour since the original was sold out.

    When it was delivered, I realised the other one had been by the post box all along (a month later!) just hidden by the bushes.

    I tried to return it but alas, customer service ignored my emails. So now have two awesome tunics. Which never go in the dryer.

    (excuse the rambling story!)

  4. Too funny! I’ve had that brief heart-seizing moment when placing an online order, having it not go through, and clicking again…lordy woman, you’ve got enough jerky to make it through the end of the world. Of course, that is only another 9 days… 😉

  7. That is hilarious! Good thing you like jerky!

    Our UPS/Fed-Ex men stop by here a lot. Between blogging stuffs, regular Amazon ordering of stuffs we can’t get locally, and Christmas/birthday gifts, I’m sure our delivery dudes think I’m a shopping shut-in.

  8. And now you have to pay the movers to move all that jerky! (Or will you eat it by then?) I hope I don’t have any internet shopping stories lurking in the stack of un-opened boxes piled up in my bedroom. I am trusting that Amazon et al got my holiday shopping orders right!

  9. Ha! I did the same with a friend’s wedding gift a few years ago. I ordered a practical gift, it didn’t seem to go through, so then I said screw it! And ordered a pretty gift…and then got the email both went through. It was kinda late at night so I thought “I’ll deal with this in the morning.” And I woke up to shipping notices for both gifts. Oops.

  14. HILARIOUS! I haven’t had that happen, mostly when I get the error, none of them indeed go through and I write it off as “meant to be…” lOL But I was laughing out loud about this!

  15. All I can say is – “YUM ostrim jerkee.” If you want to send some if your stash my way, I’d be a willing recipient. 😉

  16. haha I love this story! I can only imagine the look on the UPS man’s face! I feel like my UPS guy feels the same way about me…but then again my packages are usually things I’ve bought because I order just about everything from amazon.com. 🙂

  17. OMG Hilarious. I know you’ll eat it all, but I think the timing of this is pretty terrible, with the move coming up. But that only makes the story funnier. You goofball!

  21. Haha, that is an awesome story! The boys here always get excited when I get packages. I used to do a lot of reviews and would get all kinds of good stuff, now I get exciting things like protein powder and chia seeds!

    By the way, Carla, thank you for checking on me. I’m doing great! I’m crazy busy right now and I’m working on launching a new website for my fitness/nutrition career so I’m had to step back from my blog for a little bit. Besides, blogger won’t let me load anymore pictures so I’m kind of forced to make a change. I hope you’re surviving your packing! xoxo

  25. Hahahahaa – my husband gives me a hard time because he has NO IDEA what arrives in the mail each day. And trust me, it’s a lot. Between blog-material and my online shopping for Christmas/etc… I’m sure my mailman thinks I’m nuts too (often answering the door in feetie pajamas when I work from home). Everything is usually unpacked and hidden away by the time Aaron gets home from work!

  30. lmao! That stuff is GOOD! Our vitamin shop sells it too, so when you run out..oh say in 2016, let me know and I can ship some to ya 😉

  33. The big question is… How long will that last?

    I ordered two copies of a book once 🙂 Doesn’t compare in the least to your abundance of jerky, but I can sympathize with the computers getting the best of us.

    My husband doesn’t read my blog (he said he lives it so he doesn’t need to) – sometimes my daughter does. My inlaws read every single day. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

  34. Looks like the move will require an extra van! Great story–I keep envisioning the UPS man back at the warehouse shooting the sh&%* with his coworkers on this one!

  35. HAHAHA. Hilarious!!!

    I had a similar experience with my last UPS guy (before we moved). My husband’s whole family lives practically on the other side of the world (Alaska and Portland). Last year was our oldest son’s FIRST Christmas, so everyone wanted to send as many gifts as they could. Of course they all were delivered via UPS. He didn’t know that I wasn’t ordering all these toy gifts for our 11 month old son – he just knew that EVERY. SINGLE. DAY in the month of December, we had boxes upon boxes being delivered to our very, very, very small apartment. HA.

  36. We have a farm near here that raises Ostriches!

    Keep up your running training cause they are pretty fast if you want to catch some very fresh jerkee on the feet!

  37. Now this is HILARIOUS!!! I am literally laughing out loud as I write! 🙂 I can SO see something like this happening to me! 😉 Although I would be HIDING it in small cracks and holes so my husband wouldn’t find my goof 😉

  38. Oh no!! Hahahahaha! That’s so funny! We;;, you certainly have a story to tell and a lot of yumminess to chew on. I’ve only done that with books, which I simply gifted.

  39. haa HAA… perhaps the UPS driver will receive jerkee for a holiday bonus? 😉

    this is hilarious, and now I am wondering what all the delivery drivers think of me… better go make more cookies for their gifts…

  40. hahaha! oh, life. once i saw the part about the error messages i had a feeling a whole jumble of jerky was a-comin to your front steps. i have never considered the whole ups man thing either! i wonder if he wonders why suddenly our house started getting packages at a time of year other than christmas for once. i also wonder if he thinks i’m a wino since i’m always getting my wine shipped to me…

  46. I love this story! I actually registered for the DC NWM Half Marathon lottery twice because I didn’t get any type of confirmation message. Good thing I didn’t get charged twice, because I was tempted to register a third time!

  48. HAhahaha! Did you offer the delivery guy some swag?

    My boyfriend and I recently signed up for Amazon Prime and we’ve both gone a little batty with order shit (we probably don’t need). I’ve often wondered if our mailman is annoyed at how many packages we now get.

  49. I recently ordered 30 yoga classes when I meant to order 10. I got error messages as well then was startled to see three confirmation emails.

    In my case, I contacted the facility and they will refund 20 classes…

    Enjoy your jerkee…

  50. Well, that’s just a happy accident. Love me some Ostrim. I find it sometimes at HEB, but you never know if those CA people know the love of this wonderful jerky so you have a good stash until you find that out! 🙂

  51. I’ve had that error -but it did go through!- thing happen to me several times. I’ve come to not believe it at all.

    At least jerkee isn’t perishable…

    The website says it should be stocked at GNC stores, do those not exist in Austin? (if not, another reason to love moving to Oakland!)

  53. This post made me laugh so hard! 🙂 REALLY seems like something that would happen to me, although I never buy things online (not sure why) so it’s more like pressing “print” five million times on the printer and not seeing it print only to find five million copies later. Ahh, patience. 😉 That UPS guy sounds awesome! I don’t get enough things to ever know my UPS guy, but I love that you guys have a relationship – love those kind of pseudo-friendships. 😀 Here’s to your husband never reading this post! 😉

  55. That is an awesomely hilarious story. And I’d bet my husband’s salary this month that the UPS man is telling people you are stashing jerky for the apocalypse and are one of those weird preppers. He probably thinks the other boxes are filled with guns and ammo. 😉

  61. hahaha love this.
    the other day the UPS guy asked me if i could “please start ordering things on the same day so they would possibly come at the same time” i just giggled at him.

    also, now i want jerky so badly… off to the corner store i go.. 😉

  66. Ha! That is hilarious. I hardly ever buy stuff online so I used to only get a few packages a year. Now, I get probably two a month. I feel it looks like I buy a ton, I bet your driver thinks your some crazy shopping addict.

  68. yeah, that’s how I want to be thought of…some SAHM who is on-line all day ordering stuff with someone else’s money. ha.

  69. That is hilarious. I’d be excited to get stuff delivered. Usually it’s just this time of the year that the drivers come to our house…

  70. I know this all too well! We get deliveries daily – often more than one! No matter where we’ve lived, the UPS and FedEx guys no us by name and since we do so much of our shopping online, too, it probably looks like we are sitting around ordering all day!

  73. Catching up on my Google Reader…this is hysterical! I love how he thinks you are shopping all day long and the triple order was just bonus 🙂

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