Are big bloggers cliquey?

by

our tribe.

our tribe.

The title of this post is “stolen” from an email I received.

When I read the subject line (Big bloggers are so cliquey!) it took me a moment to realize the sender did not mean STATURE but perceived reach.

Apparently Im slow that way.

But I digress.

Essentially the message asked if, when I started blogging, “big bloggers” (I still envisioned highlymuscled post-writing machines) had been exclusive & cliquey.

If they left newer bloggers to fend for themselves as they do now.

Later this same day I received emails asking if Id be at Fitbloggin (yes yes!!) & expressing concern about attending because “bloggers can be so clique’y.”

Which leads me circuitously to the point of my post.

Do I think bloggers are cliquey. 

I did. 

I experienced.

I finally understood.

Allow me to elaborate.

  • Bloggers are busy. Especially the big ones of which we speak.  When I launched MizFit I was excited. Overly. Id read healthy living blogs for ages, I put up my first post, I **waited** for “big bloggers” to pour in & comment.  Ever aggressive assertive, when they didnt, I reached out to one & asked if she’d guest post.  She declined (nicely!) saying she was too busy.  My feelings weren’t hurt (I was thrilled she responded) — but I was surprised.  Which leads me to point #2…

 

  • Blogging is a job.  When I launched MizFit I had a day job & blogged at night.  I hadnt realized blogging was what some people did for work until Big Blogger shared that with me.  Id assumed most bloggers either had a day job too or….Im not sure what!  What I’d initially perceived to be cliquishness was merely the fact these bloggers were busy.  They were juggling families, life, work and simply trying to keep it all together.  They werent being standoffish–they werent thinking about me at all.

 

  • Bloggers are offline friends. This was a huge realization for me.  I made MYRIAD faux-pas—especially on twitter — when I started in social media.  I tried to join conversations & insinuate myself into friendships I had no clue existed offline for eons.  While this isnt always the case—I realized bloggers Id initially viewed as insular/cliquish merely started blogging at the same time.  They’d launched blogs, grown, made mistakes, learned, collaborated for years and developed deep friendships as a result.  They were cordial—but not in the same way they were to their blog-friends with whom they shared a history.  Id falsely assumed everyone only knew each other only for those few fleeting moments on Twitter or Facebook.

 

  • Bloggers do a lot we do not see.  Big or not, Im grateful to have created a career out of my blog.  I believe it’s incumbent upon those of us who have been successful to assist others (the ole service is the rent we pay for living notion).  I mentor.  I help.  I can not aid everyone.  I dont speak for all bloggers–but I know much of what I do is behind the scenes.  The NOs I say arent a result of being cliquey—just the fact Im currently busy mentoring others.

Im the first to admit when I burst on the scene like a crazy misfit Id initially thought “big bloggers” were cliquish and insular.

Yet when I stepped back (& ceased thinking only of myself/my blog) and viewed blogging/bloggers as a whole I realized we’re a pretty helpful, inclusive bunch.

And you?

  • Do you perceive bloggers–especially (finger-quote) successful (unFQ) ones–to be cliquish?
  • What social media faux-pas have you accidentally committed?
  • Will you be at Fitbloggin13 with me?

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Comments

  2. First off – I cannot *wait* to meet you at FitBloggin!

    Secondly, I’m always wondering how cliqueish it will be. I’ve never been to a conference (non-academic at least) and I don’t know a single soul going. I’ve seen/read recaps of other conferences and it’s clear there will always be a group there, usually the ‘bigger bloggers’ who do stay pretty isolate from everyone else. I’m okay with that. I’ve never been part of the 1% and don’t expect that to change in the blog world lol.

    • Erica,
      I had the amazing opportunity to attend Fitbloggin ’12 in Baltimore last year and let me just say, there were a few of the “more popular/Bigger” bloggers that stood off to the side and had a tendency to socialized within just a small group of other popular/Big bloggers, but I must say the vast majority of them, Big (figuratively and muscularly) were extremely nice, warm, welcoming, and supportive. I was completely unaware, and flabbergasted, by the number of bloggers, new & seasoned, that were in attendance and even more so by the number of the “popular kids” that had actually read (and some even enjoyed) my wannabe writing. Carla is, by far, one of the 4 bloggers I was desperate to meet (along with Renée, Michelle, and Charlotte) and there were maybe 2 or 3 others that I found out upon arriving, were there that I was excited to meet.
      If my socially anxious and awkward self learned ANYTHING from FitBloggin ’12 about the ways of the Blogging world, it was that these men & women had so much more in common with each other than a healthy/fitness goal and desire to share their knowledge, they were kind, supportive, and most were definitely NOT cliquish.
      I wish I had the financial ability to attend this year, if for no other reason than to once again feel like part of a community. But alas, due to the crazy that has been life over the last year (and my slackass lack of blogging) I will not be in attendance.
      Have a great time and do yourself an amazing favor and let all of your preconceived notions of cliquishness and “Big vs. Small” blogging fall away as soon as you arrive. You will be amazed & delighted at the wonderment to be found at the conference and in the people you meet.

        • This makes me feel SO much better! I will be at Fitbloggin’13 and I am super excited/scared and like Erica, do not know a soul (in real life). I hope I don’t creep anyone out by my excitement to make “real” friends!

    • P.S.
      HOLY CRAPATOLLA! My apologies for the FREAKING NOVEL of a response I just left. LOL

  3. I think that some are but many aren’t – I’ve met a few at different event and some were some of the nicest people ever.

  4. I remember how surprised I was when a “big” blogger first commented on my blog. As a “small” blogger (okay, can I still say that if I haven’t posted in months?!), I got/get all the reasons you list. It’s life. It’s friendships that develop and time taken and needed. Like everything.

    Yes, at times the blogworld could feel cliquey to those of us on the outside, particularly social media. But I think there is an equal or maybe even greater responsibility for each of us to personally reach out if we want to connect, rather than expecting others to do it for us.

    BTW – let me just thank you for all the times you let me know you were reading back in the day when I was actually writing! And I can honestly say that being asked to guest post here was one of my biggest blogging thrills:)

  5. I totally feel ya girl. I felt like that at my first conference even here at a smaller one in Orlando – but I WILL BE AT FITBLOGGIN so ANNIE GET YER GUN we’re going to have an awesome time! Not to be a party pooper, but many new bloggers might feel that way if they use their blog as a means of escape and might be different in person to just chat someone up – I’m not like that, I just write people or go up to people in person so it’s not a huge deal for me..I’ll break up a clique dangit lol!

  6. I couldn’t agree more with this. Yes, there are cliques. It’s hard to go to a conference and not feel that in the air. Yet, these are groups of friends. They are not there to intimidate. This is a big space and finding your people is helpful to make that world smaller and the experience even better. Most bloggers, even the ones who might appear cliquey at first, are actually very, very friendly.

  7. I don’t think I’ve ever thought of it so much as cliqueish, but as you said, more that there are bloggers who’ve been at it much longer than I and who have established relationships. Watching some of you at Fitbloggin last year, it was clear it was like a family reunion. And I respect that and want to give you all that opportunity. I have certain bloggers I’ve been “in a relationship” with for the duration of my blog, too, and if I were at a conference with them, that’s the group I’d primarily hang with. That said, I also love meeting new people–Fitbloggin was fun for me in that I did establish some new relationships, so I am glad I didn’t have my “core” group there with me.

    Finally, I have always appreciated how supportive you are to the rest of our community–you willingly share your knowledge and that’s fabulous!

    • I think that bloggers are loving people and I’m constantly impressed by how much knowledge everyone is ready to dish out to others.
      That said, it is finally starting to sink it… Twitter, FB, the blog itself, old-standing relationships, new relationships, Instagram, Pinterest, etc. Keeping up with all of it is truly a full to part time job that is probably weaved into other responsibilities. If I truly want to make $$ and be a big blog I’d have to overhaul my day job. That fact wasn’t initially apparent to me when I started (nor was the fact that you could actually earn money to do this in the first place!).

  8. I wish I could go to FitBloggin! I’ve had nothing but good experiences with bloggers… “big” or not! But I do agree with you… bloggers are friends in real life, so while it may appear like they’re cliquey, it may really just be that this is the one time a year they get to hang out or whatever!

  9. So bummed that I won’t be at Fitbloggin this year to make sure that I make it a NOT cliquey experience for first-timers. I have a hard time walking up to people the first time, but since I ‘knew” so many people from their blogs it was a bit easier, and once I did say “Hi” everyone was very nice. You are the epitome of reaching out and giving back and pulling newbies in to the fold. And I thank you for making me feel welcome in this world!

  10. well, my opinion is probably not super popular but yes I think they are cliquey. I may think that in an objective way and I may think that at times in a more envious way. I’m just honest. When you start blogging of course you want to have the “big bloggers” come and comment and promote you and you want to be there too. You want to be in that crowd.

    then, you meet people in person and you find out they are Human 🙂 and as humans don’t we also tend to get swept away and into whatever it is that we are into?

    a couple of years ago it bugged me. now not so much. while I do wish I could have maybe just one or two big bloggers on my side (promoting me here and there) it’s ok if you don’t because I love you anyway.

    I will see you at Fitbloggin again Carla!

  11. I should have added:
    these conferences are what you make of it. don’t be shy. go up to the ones you want to talk to. make friends. put yourself out there. no one bites (that I know of) 😉

  12. Well, before reading this I would have said YES.
    I have asked a lot of big bloggers to help me and no one has :/

  13. Any group can seem clicquey to someone new, for all the reasons you mentioned. There do seem to be “tribes” and that’s okay. A new blogger should take time and observe and try to figure out what tribe might be best for them. I feel lucky to have been accepted to FitFluential and the friends I have found there.

  14. Oh.
    I would have said yes and that’s a reason I do not blog.
    I guess what I’d seen as clique-like could have been offline friendships?

  16. For me it’s always been about my own perceived smallness versus another blogger’s bigness… Like last FitBloggin when I spent ten minutes dancing around in your periphery because I was too nervous to say hi, and Mending Jen finally had to drag me over. This year I know better. Expect hugs.

    • Wow.
      Quite frankly it hadn’t occurred to me your point about they weren’t thinking about you at all.
      I sometimes take things too personaly.

  17. So how do these cliques work? Do people clique by blog topic (running, paleo, vegan, crossfit)? Or do they clique by their web traffic/Klout scores? 🙂

    I hope to go to FB ’14 and will start a coffee drinkers clique. 😉

  18. I appreciate your perspective on this! I’ve only been blogging for 3 years but I have found most people to be welcoming. Yes there have been snubs, but I kind of look at it as being the new kid at school – there are always those, like you, who will make you feel welcome and supported and I appreciate that and just let the rest of it go.

  19. I don’t really think of the big-name bloggers as cliquish, exactly, but I’ve never been to a blogging conference so I haven’t witnessed such behavior up close and personal. And while I have a Twitter account, I rarely tweet, other than a daily photo.

    What I think is amazingly ironic is that YOU are one of those big-name bloggers, and you just left a comment on my blog. Wow. I mean, WOW! Thanks for reading and I’ll try not to put you on that Big Blogger pedestal. =)

    • One of the things that has always impressed me about Carla is the fact that she visits other blogs. I FLIPPED OUT the first time she left a comment on my blog (several years ago now). She is the real deal.

      She is one of the only “big bloggers” who has actually taken the time to stop by and read my blog.

  20. it’s so hard to sometimes KNOW the thoughts of intentions of Big bloggers until you meet them in real life or email, etc. I think we need to be more careful to not judge too quickly. Yes, we’re human, we do that, unintentionally. But i like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Maybe i’m naive? 😉

    • I agree Lindsay. I tend to believe the best about everyone. Maybe I too am naive:) No matter where you are, what community you call yourself a part of there is always the danger of exclusivity. You can find it at work, in schools, in churches, even in families. The more open and honest and vulnerable we are, even about our own insecurities or a feeling of being excluded, the better our relationships will be.

  21. We will have to make sure to say hello! Will probably have my munchkin with me towards the end. Husband is joining for a much needed vacation.

  22. Interesting point.
    I have reached out to many on social media who have ignored me.
    I never thought they could be busy heling others.

  24. I’ve only been blogging for 1.5 years and have already experienced great online friendships. There are a few bloggers that I routinely get advice and support from that has made a world of difference. I’ve only been to one blogging conference and can say that I did see a certain degree of ‘cliquey-ness.’ The majority of the attendees were WAY younger than me and had blogs that I didn’t follow. I’m sure it would have been different if I had my usual bloggy buddies.

  25. Since I’m still a fairly new blogger (less than a year), I would say that I’ve never thought bloggers were cliquey. I see lots of the same bloggers commenting on the same blogs I read and comment on and you can see through the comments the relationships that have been formed (whether in person or just through the internet). I’ve enjoyed getting to “know” some really neat people this way and hope to actually meet some of them in person at some point!!
    As far as social media mistakes – I’ve probably made every one possible because all of it is new to me (especially twitter which I still don’t fully get!).

    • Ha. 😉 I just wrote my response below then had a few extra minutes to scroll through and read other responses. Saw yours and had to laugh because we wrote the same things. Funny how even on social media you can find “your people.” It’s like a virtual neighborhood.
      Gaye

  26. To quote Anne of Green Gables (in one of the later books), “You have to summer and winter with a person to know if they are ‘livable” or not.” She was talking about taking on a new housemate to make the rent cheaper, but the same applies. You have to get to know people before you can let them into your inner sanctum.

  27. Some are, but a lot aren’t. I think it’s sad when someone sends an e mail to me asking for help running or getting fit and tells me they tried to reach out to other bloggers and they ignored their questions. I think people need to remember it’s partially the readers who got them where they are and to not forget about them, even if you spend 15 minutes a day answering questions or comments it makes a difference!

    • I receive a lot of email on a daily basis.
      I can’t answer every one.
      That’s why I blog. Frequently the answers are there, but people don’t bother to look.

  28. Personally, I believe the problem starts with calling bloggers “big.” Saying some bloggers are “big” creates an idea that those bloggers are more special than bloggers who have a smaller audience. We have such a tendency to go to make people celebrities because we’re a status-obsessed culture.

    We have to check in with ourselves. Are we making people special? If so, it’s because there’s a piece inside of US that believes we’re less special because we have a smaller audience. I have a smaller audience than a lot of bloggers but I still know that I’m an awesome blogger and I love my audience and cherish what I have and the friends I have made through blogging. If we’re cool with ourselves, then what other people do simply won’t effect us so much. There are so many bloggers that go to these conferences. Mingle with those peeps. And if people are cliquey and unwelcoming, why would you want to be around them?

    xo

  30. I remember you mentioning a while back the fact that some bloggers are offline friends, too, and that their dynamics are therefore very different. That’s so true.

    I went to several blogging conferences and found most bloggers very friendly and approachable. I also didn’t have unnecessarily high expectations…

  31. I guess I’ve been pretty lucky. Perhaps I was drawn to the nice, big bloggers because, except for one, everyone has been super welcoming and very helpful. But yes, I probably did screw up on twitter by trying to wedge my way in. I still don’t really get twitter. Are conversations open to all? They’re public. Weird. Anyway, by and large I have been really impressed with how open everyone is here in the blogosphere, and I’ve really enjoyed getting to know (virtually) other bloggers.
    Gaye

  32. I have met AWESOME bloggers! I have been snubbed as well. I choose not to read anything into it. Far be it from me to judge another. Darn it I so wish FItbloggin were not on the ‘witching weekend’ of 1000+ family events. Would SO love to attend in this lifetime!

  33. I think some bloggers are clique-ish but many are not. I’ve been lucky enough to friend some pretty awesome bloggers who are super supportive.

    I will not be attending FitBloggin’ this year.

    I would love to meet you though 🙂

  34. What a great post! I started blogging seriously in February this year and feel like I may have made some of the mistakes and realizations you speak of. When I first started and regularly visited some if the bigger blogs (that I still visit now) until some of them ran competitions and I read them more regularly I had no idea just how busy they must be and also just how much work can go into blogging until I was doing it regularly too and really started to appreciate the time it took.

    I wish I could attend that blogging event but I’m in Australia just a bit too far away 🙂

  35. I think it takes someone with confidence to come to the realization the other bloggers weren’t thinking of you at all and not snubbing.

  36. First I am going to FitBloggin and I’m leading a discussion so I am super excited. Second, I think there are some people who opt to stay in their own bigger world. Some it nay be for the reasons you list, others I think get into this mode of “why are you worth my time” if you can’t offer them something worth their interest be it a new friendship or larger exposure it isn’t a good idea for them to spend time with you. That’d the impression I get anyway. my advice is for people to meet as many folks as they can at a conference. You never know who will be ‘big’ tomorrow and binds should be made on common interests not traffic counts. That being said I also found a lot of bloggers show their true colors in person and at a conference. some I didn’t like before I loved after having one on one time, others I can’t read their blogs anymore it seems so fake compared to what I met. Don’t be afraid just go have fun. The rest will fall into place. Btw if there are typos it is totally my cells fault. Ha.

  37. I have not read the comments yet but this is a very thoughtful & thought provoking post!

    I actually never really thought too much about this. I guess because I never thought about getting HUGE or big. I don’t think I have the tech know how to do that. I would have to be rich to hire people to do it for me like Ellen! 😉

    You were the first “Big blogger” to reach out to me & I am forever grateful! You do so work to help so many! I see you comments offering help everywhere! 🙂 You have offered to help me too – GRATEFUL!

    I am not sure how hard I try to make friends offline.. I think because deep down I felt I would not do this forever or even thought I would do it this long & knowing I may not do it much l longer, I guess I hold back due to not wanting to hurt when I can’t do it anymore.. a weird way of looking at it but that is me – weird with complexes! 😉

    Great post a always Carla!

  38. you know I’m still wafflin’ on Fitbloggin… but I’ll be here anyway and WILL see you 😉

    I used to be SO INTO twitter when I first began blogging – I think that is how I met so many people and formed early friendships. just like when I was in high school and “friends with EVERYBODY”, I am “friends” with bloggers of every kind, not just food bloggers. perhaps this has confused people and / or led to less of a “category” for spabettie, but I do what I want and it works.

    there has only been one very glaring time for me when I felt … ew, it wasn’t even “cliquey” it was just plain awful – I saw someone I HIGHLY respected for her recipes and photography complaining on twitter about “new bloggers” and how they have no clue and shouldn’t even try. it was just disgusting and I stopped reading her blog that day. I am pretty lucky I guess, that everyone else I have met has been awesome.

    • oh and I ALWAYS help when asked, and I get asked constantly! (some come to me saying “so and so told me you helped them so much…) and I still get giddy every time. I love helping people, and some of them still talk about me years later (that’s just a warm fuzzy bonus) 🙂

  39. This is an interesting subject. I have to say that at all of the blogging events and conferences I’ve attended I don’t find bloggers (even big bloggers) to be cliquey at all. In fact, I find it to be one of the most welcoming communities around. I can see how others may perceive a blogger being busy as possibly cliquey but I like how you pointed out that there is so much going on behind the scenes and only so much time during the day. Making connections is important though whether you are a big or little blogger or somewhere in between, it’s what makes it the great community that it is.

  40. Oh crap, really, our first interaction was for me to decline to help you out by writing a guest post?

    But then, now that I think about it, I have never, ever, ever felt that I had enough time to spend visiting, linking, writing posts for, featuring posts from, etc, all the wonderful people I encounter through blogging.

    I don’t know what’s wrong with me that something that takes up so much time that it keeps me from getting to so many other things I’d like to do is still such a source of inadequacy and guilt. And yet I make virtually no money at it. Sigh.

    I just wish all the lovely bloggers I meet and appreciate were psychic and could know how much I WISH I could help more.

  41. Yes! I will so be at Fitbloggin 2013. CAN NOT WAIT! I am nervous because I won’t know a soul. It’s a big “putting myself out there” type of moment. I’ve started reading blog of some of the Ignite speakers so that I will have a better grasp of who the “big bloggers are”. I don’t want to be the dummy in the corner asking who such-and-such is.

  42. You are a huge supporter of new bloggers and I think it’s something we could all do better at. I was worried about the clique when I went to Hood to Coast but found that everyone welcomed me with open arms!

  43. I won’t be a Fitbloggin this year. I’m taking those monies I would’ve spent on the conference and investing back into the blog itself. Bummed about Fitbloggin, but happy to be doing what I need to do for my blog.

    What I’m beginning to see as the Fitness/Health blog niche begins to grow & expand is some hints of the same petty craziness that goes on in the Mom Blogging space. Not exactly the same issues and in no way on the same level, but I’m noticing it. ugh.

  44. I can’t think of a large event i’ve attended in my life where there weren’t cliques. From my experience at multiple conferences the cliques aren’t always “big bloggers”. I think it’s more a group of people who naturally gravitate to each other and because they are so connected it makes others feel like it’s hard to get inside that circle. I don’t think it’s done on purpose 90% of the time.

  45. Are we cliquey? Likely, but not intentionally. I’ve only been to one Blog conference and at first I felt like it was cliquey because my blogging niche was different and no one knew of me and didn’t want to know me because I was different and yada yada yada… After a few hours I realised that *I* was the one putting up walls, and that we all shared a common interest: online marketing. I then put on my big girl underwear and began to reach out to people, and I asked questions about things we were commonly interested in. Etc.

    And yes, all are very busy, though I do believe we make time for what we value. For some that is building community, for others it’s finding review opportunities etc. I also think what we value changes in ebbs and flows, so at times we’ll seem really cliquey and at others we’re super helpful and open. I recently shared on FB a very powerful video the other day about never assuming you know what’s going on with someone just by looking at the outside. I think this applies to those who feel that bloggers are cliquey.

  46. I’ll be there! So excited! I don’t view bloggers as clique-ish…but it is kinda normal for like-minded folks to group together. Way back when I started my blog I had no real expectations…I did it for me and it has led me to some incredible experiences, including ALL of the Fitbloggin’s! I have come to understand something about myself: I am not a leader nor am I a follower. I enjoy meeting and connecting with pretty much everyone!

  47. I’ve had 2 separate experiences. At one conference/ meet-up I went to I found that they were very cliquey. Even a long time in real life friend who is a successful blogger and has other blogger friends excluded me. It was hurtful. At another conference I had the opposite experience. Everyone was inclusive and open to meeting others. It was very supportive. Even though I knew nobody upon arrival I left with a crowd of new friends. As bloggers and women we need to be supportive of each other. This isn’t high school it’s life.

  48. Oh Lord– I think i just went and jumped into a twitter conversation just now.. yikes!
    Cliquey? Yup. But no more than other places. I’ve been to conferences where I’ve known no one and jumped in feet first. Some people look at me like I’m crazy, some ignore me, some talk about me, and some include me. That’s life. I have this optimism that I like pretty much everyone, therefore they will like me back.
    Now, I had a situation where I lost my entire weight loss “tribe” and support group I was part of for 18 months and I was LOST LOST LOST- for months. I decided to form my own tribe that was not part of any one group. I’m still forming it.I think I always will be.It’;s liek IRL friends- you add some, lose some and life goes one. I am friendly with anyone and everyone. Wanna be part of my tribe? Well, to be honest, I have already included you. nd hey– you can guest post for me ANYTIME! I’m starting this linky thing called a Cup of Coffee…..:)

  49. I think that once in a while we tend to be cliquey… not intentionally though. I have found that many bloggers are open, honest, and helpful and without them I wouldn’t be where I am today.

  50. I am already prepared to be overwhelmed & out of place at fitbloggin. Lol. I have a history of being shy in large group settings. Luckily, I feel like I know so many of you already, that I may actually speak. And I have 4 (yes, FOUR) amazing, outgoing roomies that will be there to help. Can’t wait to meet (and talk to) all y’all! And count me in for that coffee group next year!

  51. Well, maybe? But I get it. I don’t think big bloggers are “cliquish” per se, but its just like you said…they are closer to some bloggers because they started the journey together. When I was a more consistent blogger, I had some loyal commenters and we became friends — offline even though we are far apart and some we’ve never met in person. It just happens…just like any relationship. I don’t think its anyone’s responsibilty to help me…I help myself. You know what I mean?

    But YOU… you were always so sweet to me and I really did think a superstar was reading my little blog when you left your first comment. haha. 🙂

    At the end of the day, my blog is for me. I’m writing these thoughts because I need to cleanse them from my mind (if they are bad) or remember them forever (if they are good). This is why I started blogging…not necessarily to gain a following or friends – that just a sweet bonus. I started because I wanted to have one spot that I owned and controlled where I could unload.

  53. Oh Miz.

    When I went to BlogHer last year, I wanted to curl up in a corner and eat all of the junky food that was provided because as a new blogger I knew of people but I really didn’t *know* anyone so I spent more time with myself than with anyone else.

    Then I went to fitbloggin last year, and cried with strangers that all of a sudden felt like my family. I gained confidence in myself and realized that I had to do the BlogHer crazy just to get it out of my system.

    I’ve been to tons of events since and realized that bloggers that come up together stick together. Its nothing against new peeps or old peeps, its like a graduating class of sorts moving on to different levels–together.

    I try to take the temp of people when I meet them, are they avoiding eye contact and acting like they don’t want to talk? Okay then–time to move on. I’ve been snubbed by a Big blogger then hugged by the same Big blogger a year later. It is what it is. I will never hold a grudge though or take it personally as you said.

    And of course I’ll be at fitbloggin.

  55. There are groups that feel completely cliquish. Last year I attended Blogher and HLS and I felt odd woman out. I didn’t have a “big” enough blog and I was not feeling this constant need for program reviews and free stuff.

    I remember going to Fitbloggin’ for a day. I was burned twice and I didn’t wanted to repeat it again. Boy how wrong I was. My day at Fitbloggin’ change my outlook on the blogging world. It was a loving supportive tribe. We were all equal in this journey. Within that day I made connections that allowed me to really grow as an individual.

    I am so excited to go to Fitbloggin and spend the whole weekend with this awesome tribe!

  56. I’m not a “big blogger,” but I think it helps to keep in mind that a lot of the time, what draws folks to blogging is an introverted nature (which lends itself to writing). We’re not good at meeting new people. Some of us *cough* are very socially awkward. So if we attend an event with a fellow blogger we know in real life, we’ll probably stick with them, off to the sides, probably looking standoffish- not to be cliquey but just because we haven’t broken that habit yet. I’m super happy to talk to you if you talk to me! I’m just not very good at it.

    • I totally agree. I am such an introvert. I’m not a big blogger at all. But the thought of going to a conference scares the shit out of me. I’d actually have to TALK to people, not just write my thoughts. Ha! I think you hit the nail on the head.

      • HA! That’s hilarious. I completely agree with you! Being a newer blogger, and not big by any means, the thought of a conference where I don’t know anyone and where I’m “low man on the totem pole” sounds terrifying. So if I knew one or two people, heck yes I’d congregate around them!

  57. I’m super happy to talk to you if you talk to me! I’m just not very good at it.

    BEST COMMENT EVER 🙂

  58. From the outside sometimes it does look like bloggers are cliquey, but you make a great point about the inclusiveness of the profession. People who make their blog their career do so by helping others, and there’s nothing cliquey about that.

  59. Blogging is just like the bigger world in general. There’s cliques, there’s those that are nice to everyone, etc etc. I think for the most part fitness bloggers are a pretty open group.

  60. This post really has me thinking. Last year I was supposed to go to FitBloggin’, but cancelled because of personal reasons. Since I didn’t get to attend, I wanted to interview a few people who did go: someone who presented, someone who just attended, and someone who was sponsored. My attendee and speaker were awesome with their quick response to my questionnaire, but the sponsored person didn’t.

    Turns out, she thought I would be interviewing her in person, and even though she had committed to an interview, my emails went unanswered. I figured she was just a jerk who didn’t follow through on her word, but is it possible that she only had time to do it in person? Maybe. Ever since that happened, I stopped reading her blog, following her Twitter, everything.

    Makes me rethink what happened, and consider giving her a second chance. Thanks for writing an awesome post.

  61. I remember feeling the same way when I first started–the waiting. WHEN WILL THEY NOTICE ME??? And I realized the more I reached out, the more of a response I received. I always promised myself that I would reach out and connect back with everyone who reached out to me, and I only now realize how challenging that is, and I still consider myself to be pretty small! I really don’t think it’s about being cliquey, but the business of life, as you said.

  62. What has kept me from going to any blog retreats/conferences is the feeling that it would be just like highschool. The “popular kids” would be cliquey and snobbish and why would I spend lots of money to experience that?? LOL

    I wish I was going to the one here in Portland. Especially since lots of people I *have* become friends with through blogging will be there! I hope I can meet you Miz!

  63. This is a great blog post! I started my blog a year ago, and have found it hard to break into the blogger groups. I always wonder how the “big bloggers” balance everything, since I, too, work a full-time job (plus a part-time second, and freelancing), but I have discovered a lot of the same thing. Thank you for posting this–it’s great education for everyone (readers, little bloggers, big bloggers).

  64. I must be very small (blogging-wise, not stature) or very oblivious, because I haven’t found most bloggers to be anything but friendly. Of course, there are one or two who totally blew me off way back when, which helped me quickly learn that my offline credentials didn’t count for bupkus online.

  65. Great post! This was a fleeting thought to me at one point in time. I had never really come to a solid conclusion on whether I thought there was a clique or not. I have a tendency to jump to conclusions sometimes (something I’m workin’ on!), so I made an effort not to in this instance. I’ve never been one of the popular kids, so I was content to just chillax in my little blog corner and be a people watcher. 🙂

    I WISH I could go to Fitbloggin. Next time hopefully. I think it would be a great opportunity to meet everyone!

  66. I don’t know what the delineation between “big” and “smaller” bloggers is, but I think there are some people that will always think they’re outcasts and that no one will want to talk to them. I know I still feel like that all the time. When I go to conferences, I’m likely to stand on the sidelines scanning the crowd hoping to God that there is someone that I know that I can go interact with. Then when I do find that person (or people), I don’t leave the group much. That’s not to be cliquey, it’s because I feel safe there and it’s easier to remain there instead of going out into the wide room of people as a lone wolf.

    Also as Carla mentioned, there are some bloggers that I talk to more than my “in real life” friends because they ARE some of my best friends. The natural tendency is to want to see them when we’re in the same place, but that’s by no means a signal that it’s a closed group.

    Personally, Fitbloggin’ is one of the most inclusive groups of people you’ll find. You have to put yourself out there, but in doing so, you’ll meet an amazing group of people (for the most part- there are always outliers). I remember in 2011 when I first went, I was scared to introduce myself to Carla, and when I met Shauna and Jennette and they took photos with me, I nearly peed my pants.

    Last year I met several amazing bloggers I wasn’t reading, but now wouldn’t miss their posts for anything. One person came up to me and said she emailed and I didn’t respond, which made me feel like a total jackass. But later she said she checked and sent it to the wrong address. There’s always a fear someone’s email won’t go answered. There are times now where I’m trying to clear my inbox and I see something I completely missed from months ago and just feel like an idiot, but still try to respond. Heck, this happens with “real life” friends as much as it happens with bloggers. I’m just not that organized!

    Anyway, my novel is done, but can’t wait to see everyone (and meet new people) at FitBloggin’ this year!

  67. You hit it on the nail with every point. Big blogging is a LOT of work. Not cliquey, just busy. And for me, just a bit introverted. 😉

  68. You always have the best subjects, Carla. I have definitely felt “left out” at certain events and get nervous to interact with folks at these conferences, I usually go alone and plan to make friends. The ‘big bloggers’ do seem cliquey to me — and they are a little intimidating to break int but anytime I’ve forced myself to say hi and have a conversation, they are always super nice. I only wish more people would be open to inviting new folks to dinner (usually dinners are out with whatever group you choose). I generally think bloggers in this world are some of the nicest, most compassionate people around. Part of it is conquering our own fears to make those introductions, start asking questions and connect. Not easy but…worth it.

  69. I don’t think bloggers are cliquish! I think they just form friends by visiting each others blogs regularly!!! I love visiting everyone’s blogs, catching up on their lives, thoughts, foods, exercises, etc – It’s fun to see what others are up to and forget about your own problems for five minutes! 🙂

    I want to go to all of these blogging conferences and such so badly but I can never make them! I cannot wait until there are a few in LA or CLOSE TO LA… I will totally be there 🙂

  70. I learn a lot from you, your words and your wisdom. I find you absolutely inclusive and helpful without even asking for it. So grateful to have met you virtually and I thank you for all that you share with us xo

  71. I do think bloggers can be cliquey, but not unintentionally. I think a lot of use tend to find our “group” that we can relate too, have similar interests, and have grown around the same time. It is a lot of work, and the more you grow and work, the less time you then have to help others.

  72. Shoot, I don’t even know what constitutes “big” or “small” bloggers. My ass is big — does that count?

    What I’ve noticed more than “big” or “small” (and this might just be me, I dunno) is the youngsters vs. the over-40 crowd (or over-50, more accurately) and the feeling that I get, from conferences and blogging opportunities, that once you reach a certain age you cease to be important to brands and blogging communities.

    Given my perception, and perhaps that of others, I think there’s more of an effort for us Baby Boomers making an effort to buddy up, because there are more of us than y’all realize.

  73. I’d say *people* are cliquey, and bloggers no more or less than everyone else. But I’ve had great experiences at the blogging events I’ve been to (including BlogHer), and have found almost everyone very friendly and willing to chat if you strike up a conversation.

    Sometimes people are shy, and that can be mistaken for aloofness. My advice at these events is, don’t be afraid to walk up to someone, introduce yourself and say, “Hi!” I’ve met such wonderful people that way. If I can do it — a life-long introvert — anyone can! 🙂

  75. Just got back from BLEND, so this was a timely topic. I knew there would be people there who knew each other better than I knew them… but everyone was so welcoming and friendly. And I do my best to do the same- push myself out of my comfort zone to meet the people I don’t know, or who are more naturally shy. In doing so, I’ve found people I assumed were standoffish were just waiting for someone to approach them. As for the big bloggers, you make a great point about offline relationships.
    What I really appreciated about BLEND is that the whole purpose was to mingle- setting it up as a place where all are welcome really set the tone for an incredible weekend. As others have said, I really admire that you support everyone… and I strive to do the same! Wish there was enough time in the day to comment and read everybody’s stuff every day!

    • I was going to say pretty much the same thing Laura. I have felt like some folks can be cliquey at conferences but I didn’t feel that much at all this weekend at Blend. What I really loved about it was that the weekend seemed to be stripped of the pretense – we were all there to hang out and mingle. Yes, there were people with their groups of friends but it didn’t feel exclusive in the way that I sometimes felt it at Fitbloggin last year or other places. I don’t think that people mean to be cliquey but that it’s part of human nature that we gravitate towards those whom we know and feel comfortable with.

  77. I have found 99% of bloggers to be anything BUT cliquey! Especially you! My gosh my tiny little blog has about 0.2 readers and you have commented on my blog many times! Amazing! There is one big blogger I started out reading and I slowly stopped, partly because I found she never commented on anyone’s stuff. Not just my stuff but anyone’s. I totally get how busy people are and I’m stoked and amazed that you have been able to make a career out of it! Wonderful and envious and inspiring.

  78. I guess my crazy, glass half full, optimistic personality assumes that we will all love each other and everyone will be fabulous.
    I really wanted to go to Fitbloggin, but couldn’t get the time of work. Something about leaving a class of 9 year old unsupervised at summer school…
    I have never been to a blogger conference and really want to go to one just to experience it all. I finally feel like less of a newbie, one year later, and kind of think it is time.

  81. Seriously, I love this post Carla. This has been on my mind since the Fitness Magazine event and Blend this past weekend. Two totally different feelings at those two events. I think that we often forget that all bloggers are people. Things come up and things happen. I know that I’ve felt guilty because I haven’t read/commented/shared as much as I’ve wanted to and I’m not a big blogger at all. I can’t imagine how more established bloggers manage it all. But personally, I so appreciate the help and support that I’ve received from you and others who I have reached out to.

  82. I’ve never been to a conference … yet so I don’t know if they are cliquey. I think, as you mention, relationships build over time and shared history gives you lot to talk about that no one else might understand simply because they weren’t there. BUT … if you are taking on any new mentees (is that a word??) put me on the list. I am thirsty to learn and feel that in a couple of weeks I will actually be able to do something about it.

  85. What a thoughtful post Carla. When I first started blogging I did find that there were plenty of welcoming, warm and friendly bloggers who were willing to answer my questions. I also recognized that there seemed to be a few that were more exclusive and I could see by comments and tweets that there were groups of blogging friends that supported each other. I must admit that I felt a bit like an outsider. I now feel like I have found my nitch and made my own blogging friends.

  86. Oh how naive I was when I first started blogging too! It’s crazy to think back. But it’s very true, bloggers are super busy, running a blog is a lot of work (I’m learning) and there’s just no possible way to keep up with every aspect of the blog world.

  89. I want to believe that at the end of the day we all can grow big. Even if someone starts now, is pretty new like I am, if we don’t give up, we can grow big 🙂
    My point: never give up, if it is what you really like to do, it eventually will pay of. Even just 1 post a week is already 52 a year, and 150 in 3 years. Not many blogs even have that much.
    It’s just hard to start and keep the pace…

  90. Yes, there are cliques but not much different than going to any party. People naturally gravitate to familiar grounds and big bloggers have just that, they post on each others blogs, discuss off-line. But the bloggers I’ve met have all been friendly patient and always willing to discuss their experiences.

  91. At first I thought that I would never “break” into blogging…I felt that people were cliquey but then I started to realize that they were crazy friggin busy!!! There are some who I still find that aren’t the friendliest but overall I LOVE the people I have met through blogging! They help when they can! I have to admit that I get all giggly when a “big blogger” comments!

  92. As a relatively new blogger but long(er) time Tweeter, I’ve found that some people in both spaces are cliquey and some are not.

    I went to the Fitness Magazine Tweet Up in 2012 and met a ton of people (including you, Carla for about 2 minutes) but I was somewhat shy (I’m normally not). After moving from NY to LA in July 2012 and knowing I wanted to start a blog, I went to Bloggy Boot Camp Vegas in Oct 2012 and there I was welcomed by a wonderful tribe of women known as the So Cal Lady Bloggers. I found them by happenstance and they have allowed me to feel comfortable navigating the technical and somewhat social aspects of some of the blogging world. Usually women can be catty and it’s nice to be part of a supportive group of women!

    I’m going to FitBloggin’ and I’m excited! I’m thrilled to be going to a blogging conference with people who are passionate about health and fitness just like I am. I’m hoping the dopey star-struck part of me doesn’t kick in if I meet some of the bloggers I admire but if it does, I don’t care. I’m going to have fun, learn and hang with people who are a little crazy anyway, right?

  93. I’ve never “met” any fellow bloggers in real life, but hope to one day. I suspect there are blogging cliques, but there are cliques everywhere. In the workplace, in families, and in circles of friends….the way I see it, we just have to surround ourselves with people we feel comfortable with and who share common interests and outlooks, and if that means not being friends with “everybody” that is ok too. Have a wonderful day Carla.

  94. Blogging is an art and a creative skill which allows a blogger to express his ideas on the wide canvas of the internet. Being an elite blogger I realize the importance of blogging in the modern world.

  95. I’ve been blogging for eons, so excuse me since I laughed. I was just like you when I started blogging, but things became much easier for me in just a short time.

    I joined a forum. Those people became online friends. And we all helped each other. Twitter and Facebook weren’t a big things then either. See, I told you it was eons ago!

    But, as the blogging world grew I learned that there are friendly, kind bloggers out there. Just be yourself and be nice too 🙂 Sure at conferences it is cliquey and I try so hard to meet and hang out with new people. It’s hard because it’s such a short time to see friends.

    I actually met and hung out with new people the most at BlogHer, the biggest conference I’ve been to. Maybe because there are so many different bloggers. Maybe because I felt I was there for a purpose bigger than blogging. I just try to reach out to others and be helpful. It works with some people, just like offline. Great convo!

  96. This is both very true and very kind. It also speaks to my experience with the blog community. I WISH I were going to Fit Bloggin’ with you all!!

  97. I don’t think it’s really cliquey. I just started my blog about a month ago and really hoping to make it a career someday. Right now I am still making connections and learning from all of the experienced bloggers out there. Heck, I’m still trying to get my website looking the way I want. I welcome any help or constructive advice. I think this fitness blogging community is full of amazing women with amazing blogs. I hope to be as good as you all someday.

  98. I think I’ve had an in between experience with the cliquey nature of bloggers — and I don’t ever think its personal, just that they gravitate towards each other. As a relatively new blogger I’ve had the privilege of having many more established bloggers reach out and offer help or comment on my posts (you included!) and I do think now any perceived “slights” may have been just that – perceived!

    Being a newer blogger can be tough — and I’ve been toying with going to Fitbloggin or not. I have the time off from work but I’m going to school in the fall so money has been something to think about — but who knows.

    What it has all taught me is to be myself and when someone reaches out to help them out if I can. Also, to not be afraid to approach some more established bloggers and ask their opinions — because most of the time they’re willing to help!

  99. I’m in Oz but we have the same conversations about cliques and the big bloggers vs others etc. I think the big bloggers are a bit cliquey but not out of some desire to exclude the rest of us… just because they see each other more and know each other better. THey’re often invited to the same things and so have a different relationship. I think if they didn’t circulate at events etc I’d think differently but mostly it’s not like that.

    Deb

  100. I think most bloggers aren’t. Some have become friends during the years and have contact outside the blog. You can see they are close but it doesn’t annoy me.

    Except for yours I often stay away from the big bloggers. I find one of the cliquey but the others get so many comments and never visit your blog. I find most of them selfish: you have to read their blog but they don’t take the time to visit yours. You are an exception to this, you always take time to read mine and other blogs.

  101. Great post!

    It often feels cliquey but I think people have this habit of liking to be next to a familiar face. These bloggers already know each other from past events and just like its hard for you to random approach a new person a party, its similar at the blogger events. Being able to express yourself in front of thousands of people online doesn’t give you magical in person skills. However, once you do talk to them, I find most are very friendly!

  102. I can completely understand where your first opinion came from. I am part of several blogger groups and while everyone is extremely helpful and mentoring, it is time consuming and many people have supported each other from the beginning. I didn’t understand that at first either.

  103. i wish i could attend fitbloggin but anything that requires air travel means i will have to take too much time off work than my few vacation days will allow!
    i do perceive some bloggers as cliquey but you’re right, “big” bloggers ARE very busy. i don’t really perceive the clique feeling in the online world, only when i’ve attended events and conferences. but of course bloggers who have been doing this longer may know each other and therefore go to each other first at events. it’s just the nature of the dynamics, not an intentional thing. i think it’s hard not to see it the wrong way.

  104. Great post. Trying to figure out how to make the leap to full time blogging myself. I saw this post when Pete from Runblogger posted it.

    -T

  105. Yay- I can’t wait for Fitbloggin! I had so much fun last year and can’t wait to go to Portland for it next month! 🙂
    I’ve only been to three blogging “events”- two of which were Blend, where everyone was friendly and cool, regardless of how long they had been blogging or how many readers/followers they had. Fitbloggin’ was a bit different. They majority of attendees were super friendly and warm and it was like a big family. But, there definitely was a very distinct group of girls that all stuck together, and those girls happen to be “big” (popular, well-known, published, what-have-you) bloggers. To me, they’re just PEOPLE and I don’t care if you have one Twitter follower or 100,000. If you’re nice and real and can hold a conversation, I’ll be your friend.

  106. I simply want to tell you that I am beginner to blogging and really enjoyed this post! A lot.

  107. Yes, this all makes a lot of sense. I think… I think the answer is yes and no. I think it sometimes happens–depends who, but a lot of it IS, as you explain, things that us smallfolk don’t see or understand, like that they’re just ACTUALLY FRIENDS, not just followers. Things like that.

    Intriguing and definitely informative post!

  108. I think it’s an easy perception for new bloggers to think that “big” bloggers are cliquey, for the reasons you pointed out. Many bloggers who are in their tribes have been friends for a while, and they usually started out blogging at the same time, and have stuck with each other.

    There are some truly big bloggers, like Jill of Scary Mommy, who are incredibly awesome, humble and down-to-earth. She responded when I reached out to her, and have been amazing. And I’m just a nobody.

    So I wouldn’t generalize. Just like in real life, there are people who get along and those who don’t, but everyone will find their tribe and where they fit it. eventually.

    Basically, what I wanted to say is, you make some really great points here!

    Stopped by from Christine’s (Love, LIfe, Surf).

  110. First, I love how I’m reading through your comments and some of the bloggers I read say “I’m not a big blogger”- I think you’re big! I read your blog!!

    Second, I’ll be going to FitBloggin this year and I’m excited but a little nervous. Next month will be my one year blogging anniversary so I am relatively new to this whole blogging community thing. I’m not great in a room full of people I don’t know so I’m worried I will have no one to talk to!

    Third, your comment about social media faux pas interests me. I mean are you really butting in if you respond to something that another blogger posts publicly on social media? Isn’t that the whole point of social media? If someone wants to have a private conversation, maybe take it to email or DM? Apparently I must be committing a lot of faux pas!

  111. I never thought of blogger being cliquey. But I do find it hard to approach ‘big’ bloggers. I was at Fitbloggin’ 11 and never met you because I was so scared. Lol.

    I’m gonna be there this year and I’m hugging you! 😉

  112. SUCH a great post. I’ve had the opportunity to get to know some “big” bloggers and they are SO wonderful! I’ve been so thankful for how supportive the blogging community is!

  113. Another great post Carla. I went to HLS last year and I have interacted with the “big” bloggers via social media. For the most part they are all nice, helpful, supportive and awesome.

    I will say I always feel like an in-betweener because I am a younger mom, I’m a slow runner, I am still learning how lose the weight, and while I am okay with all of this, but it can be overwhelming at the blogging conferences.

    All this being said, its up to the person to enable a conversation with the “big” blogger, they may or may not read your blog, but it doesn’t hurt to talk to them. If they shut you out, move on. As a blogger you have to learn to let things roll off your back, bloggers don’t talk to you, people leave ugly comments, it all comes with the territory.

  114. Great post. I do feel like some bloggers are cliquey and when I say that, I mean I have heard them being and acting like they are cooler than any other blogger – them and their little group. I haven’t experienced it but I have heard about it from others who have experienced it.

    I do wish I was going to FitBloggin. I was going to until I realized how dark expensive flight would be. Can’t afford it 🙁 Sad sad.

  115. Once bloggers get big, the e-mails and contact requests start pouring in. They don’t have the time or the energy to pour over and respond to everyone. Understandable.

Trackbacks

  2. […] and connecting with virtual friends in person.  It was brilliant.  Carla wrote yesterday about big bloggers and cliques, and I have to say, this was the friendliest group of bloggers I’ve ever gathered with.  […]

  3. […] Are Big Bloggers Cliquey? Have you ever walked into a conference or an event, scanned the room and hoped to God that you could find someone to talk to? Does it often seem like everyone knows each other already and are a bit cliquey? This might have been my favorite post from this week, especially after Blend last weekend. At so many other events/conferences, I have felt that social anxiety but at Blend? It wasn’t there and I don’t know how to describe it. […]

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