Gilmore Girls reinforced my mothering.

by

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(our fancy ONLY for use while G.G. viewing cups.)

Once upon a time, 15 years ago (!), a little show named Gilmore Girls was launched.

I was a happy newlywed living in Chapel Hill, North Carolina and cared NOT AT ALL about the WB channel or its offerings.

Flash forward fourteen long years and I’d changed.

Gone were the dreadlocks and thoughts only of myself & growing my training business:

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(who knew *those* were the easy days?!)

And in their place thoughts of moving, creating routine and maintaining lines of mama/child communication:

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(yep. I now knew it would only get more complicated.)

I began to search.

I wasn’t even sure what I was looking for– I just recalled a conversation I had once with a personal training client.

“I have 2 degrees,” she said. “Both are from Ivy League schools.  I never thought Id be a RAW fanatic, but if that’s what it takes to create a shared interest with my son—I’ll do it.”

I remember thinking:

RAW?  Wow, that’s love. I hate wrestling.  Is that what moms do?!

This same longing for a shared interest and connection was exactly what I was feeling a few months ago.

I wanted something she and I could launch in Oakland and maintain in Austin after we moved.

Something which might provide a thread of continuity in what I knew would be a bumpy transition time.

Thanks to a conversation with a friend (in passing. serendipity.) I discovered precisely what I’d been searching for.

A trashy piece of TV-fluff on the surface which has provided me opportunity to reinforce my mothering-approach with her without saying a word.

6 ways Gilmore Girls reinforced my mothering

  • Change comes and goes. We’re *still* fine.  Having not seen even a preview of G.G. before I’d not realized this was an overarching message and it was a timely reinforcement for us. For a child NOT in a military family my girl moves way too frequently. G.G. has reminded her it is all just fine as long as we’re together.

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(child note circa 2012)

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(tater tots + apple sauce + skull plate = our MisFit-Hanukkah)

  • It’s important to allow the CHILD an opportunity to play expert.  We need to empower children.  It’s important to give them wings and not just create roots.  We need to show them the wisdom they already possess. It’s important to let them lead sometimes.  “Mama see? Lorelai is like you.  She comes to Rory’s bed and asks her advice.”  ‘Nuff said.

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(photo credit & instructor credit: the 8 year old.)

  • Money and material things do not make us happy. Two words: Paris Geller.  (More words? Hard work creates a better life.  There’s no need for reliance on anyone but yourself and your tenacity.)

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(the best things in life *really* are free)

  • Traditions are important even if they aren’t the traditions others embrace!  From being Jewish to being adopted to being unapologetically ourselves to our addiction to G.G. chances are our traditions differ from other families.  That’s not just OK–it’s cause for celebration. Now we *both* do the traditional cowgurl dance to Gilmore Girls’ closing tune:

  • Embrace the sad. Feel all the feelings. Then you can move on.  Ahh Rory. Your break up could not have come at a better time….for us.** Your heartbreak reinforced how it’s important to grieve (change. boyfriends. lost friendships. everything.) as only then can you you push through to the *new* which awaits.

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 (sometimes tattoo-tears precede real tears.)

And you?

 

 

 

**please do NOT share in the comments if this Rory/Dean break up is one of many to come.  We like to be surprised.  We still on second season.

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Comments

    • YOU MUST (she shouts). I “avoided it” when it was initially on as I thought it wasnt for me at all 🙂
      It really is smart TV yet there’s enough fun fluff to keep the child sucked in too.

  6. I know the video is all kinds of the wrong way 🙂 but that was the first time she did it. now WE do it. no video unless the GOLDENDOODLE learns to control my iPhone 🙂

  7. don’t forget ““Oh I can’t stop drinking the coffee, I stop drinking the coffee and I stop doing the standing and the walking and the words-putting-into-sentence-doing.” This is a universal truth.

  8. I LOVE how Lorelai makes me feel gooood about my coffee consumption 🙂
    (but do you know how to make MY coffee? yes a bag of coffee and a cup of water) <—that made me laugh out loud.
    and the child, too.

  9. This is awesome Carla! I am not surprised one bit, you are a little different to the traditional mother, but I love you even more for it! I have been watching parenthood, and I am so in awe of one of the mothers who has such a cool relationship with her daughter, it does make me think of you sometimes! Thanks for sharing!

  12. i love how non traditional you are in your parenting yet set traditions that have a lasting value and appreciation. Yes, GG are my fav. But I think Misfit Girls are even better. xxoo

  13. I just binged watched the entire series this fall, having never seen it before. Lorelai is such an amazing mother, but she needs to take her own advice, methinks!

  14. I think anything you can share together as a parent/child is just about as good as it gets in life. I’m always on the lookout for these chances, especially with the teen son! (yes, I read a few essays in his fishing magazine yesterday for this reason)

  15. I love that show. I connected with that show the first time around. It was a ‘teen mom’ that was amazing and not a loser (as media loves to show). She did something with her life and wasn’t ashamed. I could ramble on… When you said I was the Lorelai Gilmore of the healthy living tribe? Oh, you’ve no idea. 🙂

  17. I used to have a GG watching party with my college roommates back in the day. We would feel all the feelings and discuss the issues that came up as it pertained to our lives. I haven’t watched the reruns really but I can see how it would be a great way to reinforce mothering when my daughter gets older . Right now we are bonding as she expresses her love for One Direction and I am learning to love them as well for her sake 😉

  21. Watch GG pre-Mama phase and didn’t think about the lessons. You captured them wonderfully. Now – to see if I can get the male child to enjoy along with me.

  22. I love this! (and I’m on the second season too, so I won’t read the comments just in case) 😉 I think family traditions like this are so neat and important! Ours was “Survivor” growing up – we’d sit Wednesday nights with our snacks, watch the show and then up talking about life. I remember other people saying “Your parents let you watch that?” (we were little), but my mom has told me about all the conversations about life, about personalities, about people and it was good!

    I love Parenthood and although my mom watches in CA and me in Canada, it’s something we share (oh man – more of one for you and not the Tornado – I bawl every.single.episode and always think, “This is just REAL LIFE!”…love that). Gilmore Girls has been good as Parenthood is almost over over and I’m only now getting in GG – love the life lessons and entertainment. Fun post! Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  25. Always loved The Gilmore Girls. For me, the best was that the mother and daughter always could connect (even if they didn’t always see eye to eye). Loved your post. Can’t wait til my daughter can watch it with me.

  26. Having a mother/son relationship vs a mother/daughter relationship, I realize that a lot of these lessons can still apply, but I think the most important to me is communication. In any relationship (spouse, significant other, sibling, parent, friend, etc…) communication is key. It opens doors and conversations that otherwise may not be had.

  27. So smart (the finding something to bridge Oakland/Austin).

    Also, I’m a little envious of you experiencing GG for the first time. I love GG. I didn’t start until a few seasons in but thanks to the magic of reruns (pre-Netflix days), I caught up and loved it. I don’t think my girls would be into it yet (rather young viewing tastes in my littles) but will look forward to watching with them in coming years.

    • it really helped too (the bridging). from our few days in an Austin hotel to the new house and no furniture it was GREAT to have a consistent (and our red cups which I packed in my carry on :-)).

  28. I watched Gilmore Girls when it was on, and have re-watched more than once. My baby sister is 11 years younger than me, and she says I am her Lorelai, which I completely relate to. We’ve always been close, so we didn’t need the show to help us bond, but I can definitely appreciate the reminders of how relationships change and grow.

  30. LOVE this and I never even caught the show. Realize I missed a lot!!

    Hope the moving stuff isn’t totally making life crazy. Know it’s a heck of a lot to deal with!

  33. Gilmore Girls is one of my favorite shows. I don’t think that I started watching until it was in syndication but I really love the relationship between Rory and Lorelei. Fact, if I had a daughter, I was going to name her Lorelei.

  37. Well, now I feel like I’m missing out on a truly great show – I haven’t seen a single episode. I guess I better check it out!!!

  39. I loved the show and watched it when it first aired. I can’t actually remember much about the final season (as in what happened to Lorelai) but I remember Rory growing up and moving on.

    I wanted to be a mother like Lorelai but the saddest thing was I realised I’d already missed that boat (to be a young and hip mother!).

    Anyway, loved the show and their witty repartee and mutual respect.

    I think the show offers a LOT of life lessons.

    Deb

  43. Carla, your previous posts led me GG. Since then I have found myself channeling my inner Lorelei to get through many a situation. Crazy to admit, but I believe it has made me a better mother, friend and wife.

  44. Agreed – such a great show with SO many valuable messages (sans the overdone sappy music a la Full House, great for other reasons lol).

Trackbacks

  5. […] Gilmore Girls Reinforced My Mothering: Have you watched the Gilmore Girls? I love this series and have watched the episodes over and over again. I love Lorelei and Rory and their relationship (and their love of coffee). If I had a daughter, I wanted to name her Lorelei. Carla has been watching the series with her daughter and love the lessons that she draws from the series, especially as her family has just made a big move. […]

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