Currently, Lately.

by

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Once upon a long time ago I wrote a series of If we had coffee… posts.

Led to the idea by Journey of a Dreamer (it seems she’s lost credit for the concept?), it felt a fun way to share stories about my life.

For a little while.

I mused about dogs in carts and being an Orange Rhino and a child who was feeling not-ten-but-not-four.

And then it seemed over.

For me.

(I’m a misfit that way and it’s NOT a good thing.)

I’d forgotten about Coffee Talk until I spied Christine’s recent Currently post.

Not only did I devour the beautifully crafted peek behind the scenes of her life, Christine’s musings sparked me to *want* to respond with a Currently of my own.

A longing to write feeling I’d not had in a little while.

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I share my Currently, Lately in hopes you’ll respond with your own.

In hopes you’ll share what’s happening when the laptop is off and you’re alone with your thoughts.

In hopes we can connect.

Currently, I’m working my ass off on my marriage.

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 Where did these people go??

It’s funny (a mix of odd & haha) how, when we first marry, we never ever think there will be challenging days ahead.

I mean, we may think we think–but we really have no idea. And, if you’re anything like I am, you may not give it voice but you kinda believe it only happens to other people.

22 years together. 18 married. 9.5 of those with a child. 2 big moves in 2 years.  Shit gets challenging.

We’ve bumped right up against that moment of I’m done. and have jointly decided to give it a final try.

If this works—I believe all things are IF’s until they’re finished–I’m considering a small semicolon tattoo.

While not entirely the intent of the project, as a couple we’ve definitely stopped, paused and are uncertain if we will continue.

If we choose to end with a “;” and not a “.” you’ll know by the ink I wear.

Currently, I’m striving to have more tea parties.

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post-tea party selfie. doodle was not invited.

I’m pretty good about being present and spending time with the Child.

We have YES! Days, we have special routines, we do things together.

I’ve realized, however, I tend to present our options in true Love & Logic parenting fashion.

I offer two choices where I’m OK with them both (do you want to go to the creek or make shrinky dinks?) and let her choose.

Last week, when she was home with me for “MomCamp” was different.

For the most part (with MomParameters resembling bumpers in bowling) she picked the specifics of what we did.

The result was we spent 90% of our week in the pool and close to 100% of that underwater having tea parties.

We sat on the bottom of the pool, eyes wide open, pretended to drink tea—all while furiously paddling our free hand in effort to stay submerged.

I hadn’t tea partied since I was her age and it made me laugh. Hard.

A deep belly laugh I wasn’t sure we adults still possessed and one which surprised her as well.

I can’t believe it!! she said the first and each successive time. Your laugh!!

She was right.

And I couldn’t believe it either.

I’m currently on a mission to find all “tea parties” in my life.  To discover and remember all the things I used to do which made me laugh from that deep place I wasn’t sure, at 46, still existed.

Currently, I’m searching for a hobby.

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I loved Stand Up Paddle!

I used to judge people who’d say: I’m too busy. Who has time for a hobby?

The thing is, even though I’ve banished the B-word, I’ve realized I still have absolutely no hobbies.

I watch movies.  I devour books. I move (I’m thinking fitness not relocate although I guess that could be my hobby?).

Those things, at least for me, are solitary (perhaps I need a Crappy Book Club!) and, unless it’s a new release, can all be done from home.

Home-bound is not a “plus” for me and my recent tendency toward the lonely.

Currently, I’m trying to find a hobby.  A passion.

I’m choosing to make the exploration and the maintaining a priority & have added to my schedule precisely as I would an important meeting.

Yoga. Stand Up Paddle. Writing group. Walking club. Resurrecting my walking book club.  Something.

I’m searching for my answers to The Invitation.

Currently, I’m loving the spontaneity of Periscope.  

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OK, so I’ve ‘scoped only 4 times…but I love.

I love video (Don’t ask why my YouTube channel is named Chickenbus. That’s a story for a different day.).

I adore off the cuff and improvisation.

2015 is about connection for me and Periscope offers this vertically and horizontally.

In the era of exquisitely edited & perfectly presented—Periscope provides us opportunity to be raw & authentic.

Recently I received the compliment You were transparent before transparency was cool (made my day).

I said thank you and shared it’s a blessing and a curse.  I know no other way.

Currently, with Periscope, it’s feeling like the former.

And that’s my Currently, Lately: working on the marriage, maintaining my transparency and seeking laughter & passion.

Now you:

  • If we jettisoned the java & sat together: what would you share about your Currently, Lately?

 

 

Thanks to Christine for always inspiring me to write and for leading me to Tricia and Tamara and their Currently posts.

 

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Comments

  1. I love your honesty, Carla.
    I don’t comment often, but enjoy how you write because blogging seems to have morphed into “5 tips to” posts these days.

  3. Love this in so many ways. Currently, I think I need a hobby too. I’ve been tending towards holing up and doing things alone lately and your words really resonated. And tea parties!! I used to love having tea parties. xoxo

  5. I don’t often comment but this post spoke to me.
    Your not alone in the struggle to stay together with
    a long term marriage. My husband and I have been
    married 18 years as well. What your going through
    happened to us last year. I was ready to call it DONE
    and QUIT! for more than half of last year. I think the
    only thing that saved our marriage was my husband
    didn’t reach that same point at the same time as me.
    Long about this time last year the crisis passed and we
    are looking forward to celebrating 19 years this coming
    Feb.
    Two years ago this coming fall I found my love of crafting
    which became my hobby. Now I spend time every day if
    I can working on projects for myself and my family with
    my knitting & crocheting. I taught myself both before I found
    out most people only do one or the other:)
    I think you are wise to look for connection outside of your
    house. I too need to do that but so far I have not been
    successful but I will keep thinking and pondering on it and
    who knows one day I will up and do it I am strange like that.

  6. You only go around once- I paint, I sew, I refinish furniture, I garden, I hike, I kayak. I write (for myself mostly-but some articles end up in publications.) My community offers wood-working, jewelry and pottery making classes and I plan to partake in ALL of them. I plan on getting my yoga certification. I am working these hobbies around my career (speech pathologist) and my triathlon training. Both of which I am also passionate about- life is too short to not find many “hobbies”- or is it a lifestyle choice?

  9. You always make me think, Carla, and I love that. You’ve inspired me to not only give Periscope a real shot (so far I’ve only done one broadcast), but to also look for the things that inspire belly-laugh-out-loud joy in my life.

  10. I admire your honesty, Carla. In the era where everyone crafts the perfect online personality. hearing someone admit real struggles is refreshing.

  11. Such a beautiful insight into your life. I still have yet to check out Periscope but there was so much buzz about it at Blogfest that I’m thinking I should!

  12. I dunno why, but I had a weird feeling that something was up behind the scenes. I so hope for whatever is best for you to work itself out with your marriage. It may not be the easy route, but I’ve no doubt you’ve got the stamina for whatever you decide.

  13. I am so pulling for you…whatever the outcome..I hope you find peace. It’s not easy to put yourself out there, but when you do, other people feel less lonely. Keep being you because you are awesome.

  14. Currently (which really does mean “now,” versus presently, which means “soon”) and lately (like for the past couple of years), my passion has been finding my way back to myself. I spent so many years NOT myself, found myself briefly (like from 2009 to 2011, which is when I was blogging as if no one was watching), then went right back into NOT myself…not completely and totally, but, well maybe you know what I mean. And I feel the beginnings of a blog post coming on.

    Tim and I are going on 21 years together and 18 years married and funnily enough, I had a dream the other night, one of those dreams that feels sooooo real, that we were getting divorced and my main concern was that “everyone” would be incredulous, because we have “one of those” marriages.

    Relatively speaking, it feels perfect to me…to us. Part of it is that we’re lucky…part of it is that we’re growing independently, but choosing to do it in the same space and to be supportive of each other. And I think so much of it is understanding that it is ALL a choice. We choose to get up every day and love each other, and to go to bed every night feeling the same way. Even though lately, we’re going to bed in different rooms…because menopause. I sleep better when alone in a room the temperature of a meat locker (that’s what Tim calls it). :::grin:::

    Anyhoo…sending love your way and gratitude.

  15. Thank you for always being so honest in your writing. I know that’s one reason I come back to read what you have to share week after week.
    Marriage can be so tough. I’ll be thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way. 🙂

  16. I wholeheartedly agree with other commenters that whatever the outcome of the next year you will be 100% OK and will carve out the best path forward for you and Tornado.

    Currently, I am trying with all my might to live more in the present. I tend to be a planner and need to constantly figure out the next thing. My kids are showing me that letting go and being present is a much better, and happier, state of being.

    Currently, I am trying to make new friends in my new town. This is hard at 51. By now most women have their circle of girlfriends, their families and their careers so they don’t have much room to squeeze in a new friend. On top of that, I have a tendency to be a homebody and have to make a real effort to get OUT AND ABOUT. Working on it!

    Thinking of you and wishing you the very best!

    • you seem to kick ass and take names and NEVER BREAK A SWEAT in all you do. So your sharing theres even a little sweatage happening in chi-town is SO APPRECIATED. xo

  17. Gosh I love this. I ALWAYS appreciate your frank honesty and openness. You don’t pull any punches and you’re just straightforward with what’s ‘currently’ going on with you. I am sorry you’ve hit a rough patch in your marriage. After being together so long and going through so much together it’s bound to happen at some point. But braving challenges are what make unions that much stronger. You can and will get through this. 🙂

  18. Hi Carla!

    I’m a 22 year old from the Detroit area. I’ve been following your blog for the past couple of years and just wanted to share how much I love your positivity and sense of humor. I love reading about all the adventures you have with your daughter and so admire how you strive to be honest and real not only with her but with everyone you interact with. It’s been such a blessing to see the world from your view. I’ll be thinking of you and praying for your marriage. I wish all the best for you; God bless!

    • this made me SMILE SO BIG. thank *you* for outing yerself and delurking to comment. xo

  19. Currently, lately:
    I’m taking care of my 14 year old cat who is in a cone and SUPER PISSED.
    I need a good solid 8 hours of sleep.
    I’m freaking out because I’m worried my 4 year old daughter is going to be more than a handful. I’m happy she’s independent and opinionated but sweet Jesus. Mercy!
    I’m glad you shared and it feels good to share back.
    xo

    • oh and I have one of those PLEASE G-D LET THIS FEISTY BE CHANNELED TOWARD GOOD AND NO EVIL 🙂 girls…so Im yer go to for listening (as my advice may not work..it still remains to be seen:))

  20. I have never been to an underwater tea party! sounds like fun.

    I have tons of hobbies.. I am interested in way too many things.

    I am not a fan of video so no periscope watching for me….

    • that was me yesterday during my CHEESE WITH CARLA segment 🙂 when I created a taco shell from shredded cheese TOTALLY WHOLLY AND UTTERLY lost my audience–ut had fun doing it 🙂

  22. Well, you know I have asked you many times about the marriage so glad you are working on it &* hoping for the best. I had been on the point of gone with mine when we figured a way to make it right so hoping for the same with you!!! HUGS!

    I have a Periscope account but have not even attempted! 🙂

    Currently – Life is f’ed up in a way that it hard to write about – not going to – just trying to correct it. Nothing to do with marriage. Other things are still good though so at least good & bad there. That is Life

  24. Currently – holding up my end of the bargain while waiting… and while nobody else seems to hold up theirs. you might get my vaguecommenting. 😉 and not everyone – Jason holds up his end and sometimes mine – I am (unrealistically?) in a fright over the earthquake seriousness here, and fear I am becoming a Howard Hughes level eccentric in my … planning. we have seriously discussed moving away from my beloved state. weird.

    transparent before transparent was cool. THAT is a huge compliment, but I can always tell the genuine from the … trying? to be cool? you are the genuine deal, my dear – I am holding you in positive light, you are in my thoughts, wishing for all good things.

  25. I’ll blog my currently, lately at my currently, lately new blogsite (http://rediscoveringkate.blogspot.com)

    But your writing touched me, and I wanted to share something I’ve learned. Take it or leave it. I’m twice divorced. But here it is anyway:

    Love is a choice.

    It’s not something that floats in uninvited on a fluffy pink cloud. It’s every day looking at someone and saying “Today I CHOOSE to love you.” It means not focusing on nail clippings in the carpet or underwear on doorknobs, but focusing on the way his smile still gives you butterflies, or the way his holding your hand can still bring you out of a blue funk.

    It’s also a choice that has to be made consciously. It’s knowing that you can’t focus on the adorable swoop of his hair over one temple when he’s cheating, or that you choose to hold on when he’s already let go.

    Choosing also involves work. It means being honest and open with each other about where you are and what you want. It means compromise. It never, ever means total surrender.

    I had the feeling when you moved back to TX that there was tension in your marriage, and that wasn’t something you weren’t ready to delve into on your online presence. The thing is, that I’ve found, no matter whether I’ve chosen to love or to walk away, it’s always better to remember that we DO have control over who, and how we love.

    ((stepping down from my soapbox))

  29. We are at 39 years and counting. The working our ass off comes and goes, but it’s still there. Is anyone totally blissful?

  30. Thank you so much for tagging me here so I could come read this! I love this post so much. The searching for the longing to write, the hard of marriage, the search for a hobby – I’ve felt or am feeling it all. And I’m currently reading Love and Logic. I’m just meeting you now but feel I know you already thanks to this glimpse!

    • thank YOU for making the time to read, too. Love love love the way you weave your words. <3

  32. Love your honesty and transparency. Life is hard. For all of us. It takes work to get the things we want and I appreciate you sharing that part of your life here with us. Love you!

  33. I know Ive rambled ad nauseum (hmmm thats not a word? who knew!) about how we all have a hard etc–but Ive been so very touched moved and HONORED by all the private emails and messages sparked by this post.
    I think that’s whats so fantastic and fantastically hard with social media.
    We can feel such powerful connection and “normalizing” thanks to it and we can feel so so solo thanks to it.
    Ahhh the duality of life.

  34. I love your honesty. It takes a lot to open up like you just did.. Know you’re not alone in your struggles. Keep pushing through

  36. Oh, lady… *hugs*. I hope you get some together time away from the hustle and bustle of life to reconnect with each other. Maybe an 18-and-a-half years later second honeymoon? 😉

    And I wholly endorse stand up paddleboarding as a hobby. I’ve been doing a lot of it lately. I’m booked up with the whole triathlon hobby thing but thinking of joining a team or club in the next year or two – I could definitely use some like-minded friends that don’t look at me crazy because I’m excited to go ride my bike for 3 hours. 😛

  37. Carla, Comment love is yours today for your honesty and your amazing insight and ideas.
    Currently, lately, I am working my ass off to promote my book of short stories, to work on my novel which I have been working on for years, to be a great mom to three adult children and to always be there for my husband who I dearly love for 45 years. I am passionate about reading, writing and I do love blogging. But now and again, I just want to walk away from the computer and well–get in the pool with my grandkids for an underwater tea party!!! Yes.

  38. You rock sister friend. I always read your posts and think I need to do better. Not because you are braggy or share only good but because you do the things you do so well.

    Me? Currently enjoying a lovely family trip which reinforces my thankful attitude about my marriage and amazing in laws. But knowing we are about to return to the reality of school in a few weeks which also makes me return to the what will I be when I grow up again dilemma. Fortunately, I have the luxury of taking time to figure that out so I plod along and play with clay once school starts again.

  39. Currently I’m trying to look for a new job that pays better while simultaneously taking my daughter on free day trips to areas all over NYC so she’ll think we have an endless pocketbook. Currently, I’m looking for things to enjoy sans my daughter. I love the library and I plan on scheduling a trip to NYPL for a tour of it. Currently, I’m in a new relationship and its scary because he’s always asking me what I’m thinking(not in that weird almost needy way) and I’m afraid to open up. I didn’t realize I was afraid to open up. Currently, I’m still working on Mommy In Color,my blog.No, I’m not making any money on it but it reminds me that I am a writer. A damn good writer!

  40. This is so great. Literally the post I wrote for tomorrow is about the same marriage things. Also when I first saw the semi colon tattoo over a month ago it resonated w me so much since going through my whole journey from addiction to recovery. I had never found anything that I felt worthy enough to be tattooed on my body until that moment. I made myself wait a month to make sure I wasn’t being crazy and impulsive and it still sounds like a pretty good idea.

    Good luck with everything you have going on; being an adult is hard.

  41. I was thinking that this past year would probably warrant some new ink, I am so hoping it’s a semi-colon! Love tea parties, my daughter still partakes. Perhaps a hobby you (and Tornado) might like is SUP–Stand Up Paddle-boarding, it’s almost like meditation on the water. Sending you lots of positive energy and cyber hugs, you are a #wycwyc warrior!

  43. Remember me ?
    Wow! how brave to be SO SO honest about the marriage thing – that is the shit that stays between my ears. And it ebbs and flows (24 years next month) and peaks and valleys, but I love that you said it out loud!
    As for hobbies, very excited, I literally just signed up for an art class, been meaning to do that for years….we shall see how it goes.
    My ‘currently’ is in the prep for empty nest stage. One off, another going to be a senior and my “baby” is starting high school, talk about currently OLD!!! Holy moly – hit 50 in January!! This life thing, it happens whether I’m on the train or not, so I keep getting right back freaking on.
    Be good to you,
    Laurie

  44. I think my life is my hobby. Truly, first thing I thought of. Each day is different, and a challenge, and fascinating, and filled with writingreadinglovinghelpingbeing. Yoga is part of my life, and taking long walks, and playing with my little grandchildren, and writing stories, and connecting with my kids, and keeping my marriage going. I love how honest you are in your post – yes, we all come to the point of period or semi-colon in our relationships. I believe in the semi-colon, and in hobbies.

  45. I love your honesty. Having been to a semi-colon point in my married life in the past and worked hard to move forward into a different strong and better time now I wish I were closer so maybe we could have a coffee talk :). It’s tough. Look after yourself and be honest…breathe deep.
    Finding a new hobby…that too is a tricky thing. I tend to move between obsessions but my sister had an idea for me that I’ve been trying lately to give me some focus. I put the things I wanted to try, learn or do on paper and into a jar and whenever I have some free time and want to do something I grab a piece of paper out and try and do that thing. Sometimes I learn through elimination if that is really what I’d like to try but I’ve found that once I get into something I quite enjoy it…it’s the getting started part that I have problems with.

    • I LOVE YOU SAID THAT JAR THING!!! I just skyped a friend a few weeks ago and we chatted about exactly that. It’s such a great idea as I know, at least for me, if I get even the smallllllest gift of time I can draw a blank about what to do with it.

  46. Love that you are brave enough to open up like this online, Carla. I’m wishing the right answers to come your way for your marriage, passions and hobbies, and I’m sure they will with time. You have led such an interesting voyage so far and I look forward to seeing where the next fork in the road leads you.

    As to me–I would tell you that I am really, really struggling with the fact that my son is starting high school, as silly as that sounds. I am just sad that he truly only has four years left at home. I enjoy him so much and can’t stand the thought of not having him around. This is definitely playing a role in my struggle with whether or not to keep the blog and all the time investment it requires. Lots to mull over!

  47. Living on the edge with just about everything. There is always more stuff to do than time to get to it all, and i’m a bit tired.

    Know that, no matter what, you and your family are prayed over every single day.

  48. I take mine with cream and two artificial sweeteners….preferable the creamer is any old kind with caramel in the title….thanks, and sure, I’ll have some cookies….

    Currently, I’m in a time of transition again. I find that the gym bores me; thinking of going to the gym makes me feel anticipatory boredom; so I avoid lately. I am trying to embrace my inner runner-walker-runner-walker person. It’s at least not boring…for the moment. But I feel guilty about the $$ I’m flushing away by paying and not going in to pump me up.

    Recently, I auditioned for a role in a play. I have a BA in theatre and wanted to be an actress, but my worldly professor pulled me in to enlighten me on the what’s what of the world, i.e.- fat people don’t act. So they banished me to the basement and taught me how to sew and do makeup. Now that I’m 50 and my sweet son is almost 17 and semi-self-sufficient, I can take the liberty of doing for ME something I’ve not been able to do for a very long time. Acting is a passion for me. I love entertaining people. I will be doing a show wherein I get to play Medea, Goddess of Vengeance, on a blind date, and I get to play a grandmother who sits next to her ex at the grandkid’s soccer game and realizes she still loves the old S.O.B. (He returns the sentiment). It’s a collection of short plays within the bigger play. I can’t wait to perform!

    Currently, we are gearing up for another football season – Hugh should make varsity this year. I’m still single and while I enjoy that, I would certainly entertain the notion of dating at least.

    There you have it. We’re all caught up. Wycwyc!

    • Ive watched and followed as youve reimmersed into acting as well and it made me smile even before I knew the backstory. It makes me smile youre doing this for you and loving it and ROCKING IT.

  49. Perhaps you will find this strange, but I’ve always been an alternative thinker, and have found astrology to be useful at times. The things you talk about sounds like a Saturn transit in the first house, the house of the self. It might be useful for you to talk to someone in this area. I have a very good friend who is an expert at this. If you contact me, I can put the two of you in touch.

  51. My heart hurts for you going through the tough times. Marriage is a tough road sometimes and even harder when you realize that the roads that you need to travel on aren’t the same as your partner. Sometimes they diverge and come back together, so never give up.

    My currently is supporting a friend who is starting chemo this week, going through flux with my job, and spending as much time outdoors as I can.

  52. Currently being SELFISH and taking care of me and I LOVE IT and I needed it and it feels good! Working on yourself is hard. It is exhausting. BUT when you see the changes and notice what you are and what you are capable of, it is pretty flipping amazing.

  53. There’s so much in this that I love. I’m wishing you the best in achieving that semi-colon.

    Currently, lately – I’ve been struggling with finding my footing. I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t know where I want to go. The funny thing is that Periscope is the exact opposite for me – I’m beginning to think it’s time I step away from the blog and social media and get back to focusing on other endeavors.

  54. Somewhere around 10 years ago my husband and I had a very rough patch. I had to be willing to walk away for some important things to change. I’m happy to report we’re still together, but if things had stayed the way they were, I am sure I would have been happier apart than with him. So I just wanted to reach out and say that I’m thinking of you and hope it works out for the best, whatever best looks like.

  55. Ah Carla once again you’ve got me thinking and nodding my head. I cannot tell you how much I admire your honesty, your authenticity. I am very much hoping you achieve your semi colon. Currently, lately I’m struggling to keep on top of all the things life can throw at you – I’m deeply tired.

    • I read this before bed and the three words at the end of your comment stuck with me all night. IM DEEPLY TIRED. I think so many of us are and yet I cannot for the life of me figure out then WHO is making or WHAT is making us feel the need to press onward…in a frantic sense…and not just PAUSE and semicolon. xoxo

  56. Oh, you make me think. Hard. But more than that, you inspire me to ACT. You see, I was feeling like you (although I’ve been here for 6 years) and I just did it. I did.
    I started a Ladies Night Out Trashy Novel Book Club.

    I was scared to death. I thought they’d laugh. I though not one would come. But, over 60 people , LOCAL people joined my facebook page, and 9 of them showed up to my house for the first meeting.
    9 strangers, waiting to become friends. I held my 16 year old daughter’s hand as they came up to my house, admitting I was scared. She calmed me. Then, I let them in, We had a fantastic time! We talked about the book for about 5 minutes, drank wine, talk about everything else. I’ve had coffee with two of them, and am planning the next one.

    It made be believe I could be a good IRL friend again.
    In fact, it made me remember how much I love talking about BAD literature. So, guess what? I’m taking it live! I’m going to hose Trashy Novel Book Club meetings on Periscope. Want in? I’ll invite you. Watch and see.

    I wish, oh I wish I could have coffee or a tea party or something with you, but not in the Texas heat. So I’ll see you on Periscope and we’ll heart each other. I do heart you!

  57. Go for the semicolon tattoo for sure! You’ll find a hobby soon no worries. One day, after my thyroidectomy, I was longing for a hobby to take me away mentally. I found ceramics. I broke them up onto pieces and made wonderful tables and wall art. It was freaking great. It found me when I needed it most! Keep me posted as to what discovers you!

  58. After 5.5 years of marriage and 3 moves in 2 years, we’ve had some rough spots. We sat down one day and had a long talk about what was working and not working. Luckily, since then we’ve both made a concience effort and things are the best they’ve ever been. It’s a journey but that is what I love about marriage.

    I just downloaded Periscope and am not fully understanding it but I’ll give it a try! 🙂

  59. I love reading into your soul. I love when you write (always) as if no one is looking or watching. I really need to do one myself. I am in need of a soul dump. Coming soon to a blog near you.

  60. Ray and I will be married next year, and I can only imagine the challenges we’ll face as we grow together. I love that you’re currently finding a hobby and passion! I’d tell you that I’m currently discovering my growing fondness of YOGA.

  61. Life surely is one big semicolon. You never know what you’re gonna get. I say get it anyway! As far as hobbies, I have more of them than I have time to do them. My day job keeps getting in the way and these stupid injuries. Maybe one day I will be healed and can pursue something I truly love.

  62. So very sorry to hear of the marital bumps, but I pray it works to genuine happiness for all of you.

    Lately, I’ve been trying not to eat every single thing in my house while I wait out the foot injury. (I’ve been mostly successful.) I’ve had lots of time for thinking, and I do believe I’m ready to go back to a professional work environment, at least for a while. I’m too much of an extravert to spend so much time on my own. LOL

  64. Currently / Lately — Well, let’s see. Over the past 8 months, I’ve gone through the worst yet BEST breakup of my entire life. I’m so happy now that I can’t imagine having stayed in that relationship a minute longer (not saying you should end your marriage by any means, just chiming in with my reality and what catapulted me into a truer, happier version of Erin). I’m adjusting to life after grad school, a new job, and possibly a new house. I’m also ready for B to go back to school, G*d love that child! Three weeks from today!

  65. Marriage is luckily hard sometimes, so I can really relate to this. There have been some rough times that we have stuck out, and i’m glad we have, but it’s still hard. Not all rainbows and unicorns.

    Thank you for your honesty, it is sometimes so lonely to think you are the only one going through hard times, and you being a friend to so many of your readers makes it feel OK.

  66. I am currently the caretaker of 2, yet really want just 1. I finally figured out I can only get to my goal by solving things in increments, and focusing on forward movement. I wish forward motion to you, in a direction that works for your goals.

  68. Your honesty, while I’m sure it wasn’t easy, is so refreshing…life is hard, it’s messy, and complex. You’ve got your tribe supporting you and are not alone. I hope you find that thing that makes you smile daily. Devin is what got me through many tough times in my life, but he was also a constant worry…worrying about how my decisions/actions would affect him. Just know that no matter what happens, E will be fine. All any of us can do is our best. We all have struggles, some that seem insurmountable. Find your love, your passion for something. For me, when I was in ATX, it was membership at the Texas Rowing Center because you can row, kayak, SUP with or without someone. It gave me solitude and camaraderie at the same time. You aren’t alone, and your admittance to life not being constant smooth sailing is a testament to your strength. “The cure for anything is saltwater. Sweat, tears, or the sea. – Isak Dinesen”

  69. Thanks as usual for your honesty. I think I knew you’d separated but I gathered hubby was away a lot before that and it was just you and the Tornado mostly anyway.

    Perhaps you and the hubby could find a joint hobby? (I can’t remember what you used to nickname hubby?!)

    I’m not a big hobby person myself but guess I like the idea of having interests. Hobbies implies I HAVE to do things or join things and I’m not naturally a ‘joiner’ though I do know I need to spend less time alone and more with others and I’m making an effort to do that.

  70. Rooting for you. Rooting for your family. That you can express these personal thoughts here is beyond admirable. I tend to suffer quietly and disappear from online life when things are rough. But I’m here :).

  71. Reading this after I listened to your wycwyc podcast (the one where Roni comes from New Orleans) and you mentioned that people change and it’s all about how we adapt to that change. That couldn’t be more true with marriage! It’s real work every single day. Some days are easy peasy some are like torture, somewhere in that there is a balance and I hope you find that again.

    I feel way more comfortable with periscope than I do any other platform. Except Twitter. Twitter is my boo.

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