5 Signs Someone Is Your Person.

by

golden doodle

I’m his person.

I’m in love with the Netflix series: Grace and Frankie.

This feeling has taken me by surprise (never a Jane fan and, while I adore Lily, Martin and Sam, my Jane-dislike was enough to initially deter me from watching).

I s-l-o-w-l-y consume each episode (no binge watching) pausing frequently to rewind/re-hear conversations or phrases.

(I wanna be Frankie. Yam lube and all. But that’s a post for another day.)

If you’ve never watched F&G the premise is simple: Fonda and Tomlin become unlikely friends after their husbands announce they’ve fallen in love with each other.

It sounds slapstick. It’s most definitely not.

In a recent episode the newlywed husbands become estranged.

One launches a voicemail campaign to get the other back and, in the course of 80 messages, announces:

I need you. You’re my person.

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she was his person.

The comment made my eyes go wide (and pause the show. it’s good I watch alone).

I’d made the remark to a friend recently along the lines of She’s not my person and my friend laughed and responded You sound like the dog memes on the internet.

You’re my person.

She was right. I had seen the phrase used more often with canines than people and yet, when Saul directed it toward Robert, it resonated deeply with me. Again.

I knew what Saul meant.

I knew how hard it was to find your person and how, when you did, you clung (pestered with relentless apologetic voice-mails) and didn’t let go.

She’s not my person.

Later that day, post friend-convo and G&F viewing, I returned home to an exuberant You’re my person!! greeting from the Doodle.

It wasn’t the first time I was jealous of my dog and, as his tail wagged vigorously, I considered how easy it is to identify your person when you’re an animal.

I love him. I feed him. I play with him. I walk him. I feed him. I’m his person.

Everything feels more challenging when you’re a grown-up human.

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she was my person.

The signs are there, but we need to search for them and (if you’re anything like I am) be cognizant of what we’re looking for.

Your person wont necessarily be a romantic partner or even someone your same age.

The crucial element in identifying one’s person? An almost overwhelming sense the relationship’s connection and commitment  defy definition.

• She intuitively knows when something is wrong…and when not to ask about it. She knows when you require time to process versus when you need to download everything STAT. When your person gives you space it never hurts your feelings. You’re aware it’s a choice on their part. You know when you decide you’re ready your person is there waiting to listen.

• Things aren’t official until she knows.  It can feel as though there’s an interminable gap between when something good (or excruciatingly painful) happens and we can share it with our person. To our minds the event hasn’t really occurred until she knows, she’s shared in our joy/sadness, she’s had a chance to weigh in and add perspective.

• She’s are unflaggingly honest in the most kind of ways. Your person doesn’t believe in white lies so as not to hurt feelings. That said, you’re a team. She always presents a united front in public and calls you lovingly on your bullshit in private. She’s candid (whether you seek it or not) and won’t let you lie to yourself, either. She loves you enough to invest the time honesty often entails.

• You’re never lonely when with her. I valiantly resist the word never, but with this I know never to be true. It doesn’t mean your person always “gets you” immediately or understands you completely, but interaction with your person never results in an alone in a crowd feeling. Whether chatting or silent there’s always connection.

• You have a language. It’s a love language, a language of encouragement with a slathering of inappropriate (just me?) on top. It’s a language born from history, shared experiences and there-from-birth commonalities.

As I wrote this and reflected on life in general, I started to wonder if social media has begun to replace the concept of having a person for some of us?

I frequently see people joke: Did it really happen if it’s not shared on multiple social media platforms?

I watch as we (the royal) wait seek feedback/support from places like Facebook and mused if social media as a whole has replaced a singular “person” for many?

I concluded, at least right now, I require more connection than social media provides. It wouldn’t be enough.

And you?

  • Do you have “a person?” Or multiple people you look to for support depending on your need?
  • Do you think social media is replacing the idea of a soulmate friend or person?

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Comments

  1. I’m not sure I have one person who fits this, but the friends I am closest to I met through social media. I think because we share so much more than we do with the people in our everyday lives.

  3. Oh gosh…such a deep question and one I have struggled to answer for a long time. I don’t believe me person is my partner but someone who is a friend- she has always been there for me and fits your 4 signs. I call her my “partner in crime” 😉

  6. Absolutely. And he fills in the spaces I didn’t know needed filling until he filled them. But I also think I grew new spaces just for him. They’re *hus* spaces, unable to be occupied by anyone else. Like a key in a lock.

  7. My mom is my person, followed closely by Beer Geek.

    I feel like I need to watch that show right now. (says the girl who never watches tv…)

    On a totally unrelated note, I recently saw a t-shirt that said “Does running out of fucks count as cardio? ” Of course, you came immediately to mind LOL.

  8. My husband was my person. More person than husband really. My daughter is my person. And I am hers. I used to wonder if it would change as her world expanded. What has changed??her friends want to follow me on Instagram and snapchat. It’s cool.

  9. I don’t have one person–like you posed in the question, I have people who meet that qualification, depending on the situation. My mom…my friend Maria.. my high school friend Elaine.. my husband… my sister Lisa.. these people know me the best and GET me.

    I think social media has definitely changed friendships–for better and for worse. I’ve met some amazing women through social media that I would never have met IRL. That’s a good thing. But most of those friendships? Would they endure if I walked away from social media?

  14. Nice! Friendship and love are beautiful things!!

    I’ve long said that about my cat that she is my first cat, and I am her first person!

  15. I “had” a person, but she moved a thousand miles away. Of course we can chat and talk on social media, but it isn’t the same as calling at the last minute to have a bitch fest lunch. But when she moved I reconnected with 5 of my grade/high school friends. And they are my “person” now. They get me and we are all going through the same things and have gone through the same things to get where we are now. I am so happy to have them. They are my “person.”

  16. I loved this Carla – I have a couple of “people” – including my husband – they “get” me and vice versa – it’s a lovely thing to find in a friend and you hold on tight to your people 🙂

  18. Oh my goodness I love this post. I need to watch F&G (I don’t watch much except the white noise reality tv which I’m embarrassed to admit). I would have to put some thought into it to give a thorough answer, but I find “my person” in several people — there isn’t just one. But oh what a difference they make (and they are not all women/I’m a big believer in men friends). Great post!

  19. I was not aware of the dog meme connection to this phrase. It’s all Grey’s Anatomy for me; Cristina and Meredith constantly refer to one another as ‘my person’.

    I have two people. One of whom is most definitely you! xo

  20. I have been lucky enough to be MY PERSONS to a few awesome canines and even a couple of kitties over the years. And I am pretty darned sure that my husband feels that way about me too!

    I guess it is more important to me to BE that, than HAVE that! Although I do… 🙂

    Fun read.

  21. My husband is definitely my person. Other people fit some of the “person” requirements, good friends, my parents, etc, but Zliten is definitely MY PERSON.

  22. We all crave that kind of deep connection with another being. Thanks for giving me something to stop from the craziness and think about. It’s always fun to read your posts.

  26. I think that social media can serve as an introduction to people that we might not have ever known were our people otherwise! Some of my closest friends I’ve met through blogging and social media and thanks to technology, I’ve realized that they’re truly my people!

  27. Haha i so love this. I have a person. They are not my age but they get me. Strangely. And my dog’s person is definitely my husband. Which I am kinda envious of. 😉

  28. My husband is definitely my person. He scares me he knows me so well.
    I love G&F and we have binge-watched both seasons. Laughter is so good for
    the body and the soul.

    Great post, Carla. As usual.

  29. This makes me think of Grey’s Anatomy – the Meredith and Christina relationship they called each other their “person”. I am very introverted with my feelings, but my boyfriend has become my person. I’ve never had someone so completely get me. and also my Dad, I have the most intellectual conversations with him and can pretty much tell him anything without judgement.
    I think while social media has enabled me to reach people I never would have… that a lot of people need the satisfaction of likes and comments which take the place of genuine relationships.

  30. Social media is where i’ve met a couple of my persons, but it doesn’t replace persons. Yes, there’s more than one, depending on what i need at the moment.

  31. OK. Now I definitely need to bite the bullet and watch Grace and Frankie. And, become thankful that I have “my person” in my husband.

  32. I find it hard to “connect” via social media as much as others have.. I like to see a face because I have been pretty good at reading faces. Even in words, sometimes I read more like with you, I was tempted to email you last week or so when you were having a tough time but I know you get tons of texts & emails & did not want to bother. I know you have your persons that can really help you but I feel it thru the words.

    Lately, I really have been going it on my own. Too much going on in life & my head & I don’t want every meet with friends to be the UGH stuff. 🙂

  33. I had a person too. He past away 2 years ago unexpectedly. It’s hard to replace “the one”. Although I feel very lucky to have had someone like that in my life!

  36. As I get older “my person” group gets smaller and smaller. You begin to refine what “your person” is. To me my person is someone who puts their phone down when I’m speaking to them ( sometimes for a entire hour — gasp) This person is someone who I can always count on ( that doesn’t mean we always agree, but I know they’ve got my back when the going gets tough. My person gives hugs and laughs, my person is someone who isn’t afraid to get intimate and real. My person is no idiot, they are far from perfection— “my person” rocks and I only have a few of them.

  37. I LOVE Grace and Frankie!!! And yes, I want to be Frankie, yam lube and all.

    I’m super lucky to have found (and married) my person. MY best friend is my other person though. We were separated at birth, I swear. She’s always calling me on my shit too. Bitch. LOL!

  38. Thank you for sharing this. I think I have more than one person. Interestingly I met such a person, a woman, in a different age range recently at a party. We each felt that connection and that does not happen very often. Also, I had thought my significant other was my person, and perhaps he was; but now he no longer seems to be. At first I tried to fix it, but now I don’t want to try because trying defeats the ” your person was”.

  41. Loved this post! I like how you’ve listed out what it takes to be ‘the person’.
    My husband is definitely my person. I don’t think social media can ever replace a real person (or a dog!).

  42. Awww… love this post and I have some of MY people. People who get me. I kind of miss them though as I don’t see some of them as much as I should. And perhaps don’t let possible newcomers ‘in’.

    Haven’t heard of Grace and Frankie but will keep an eye out!

  43. “You’re never lonely when with her.” This is so true. That certain connection you have with that person and with just a little conversation makes you really happy and comfy. 🙂

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