Why I use taboo language.

by

taboo-laden, bubble-immersed love note from the Child.

Recently the Child told me a story.

It centered around her about overhearing 7th graders chatting during lunch and being shocked by the use of “the s-word and the f-word.”

I laughed (on the inside where it counts).

I couldn’t believe she was shocked (given the fact she’s my child).

Not only am I renown for possessing nary one fuck left to give, the very cup from which I drink my make-brain-go-fast-juice is emblazoned with the words ‘fucken good mother.’

In addition, even if she’d not been paying attention, my sartorial selections oft convey sentiments laden with salty as well.

Her horror at the taboo language baffled me until I considered the fact I may choose to use those words, but I employ them carefully and judiciously.

Taboo language provides release.

Research indicates swearing helps us manage or lessen pain. I’m not sure about that fact. I’m fairly certain not one expletive emerged from my mouth during the times I’ve been tattooed. Researchers also assert swearing activates our fight or flight response. This, again, is not something I’ve experienced.

For me the espousing of salty language serves as a release valve. It provides a verbal reset which facilitates a pause, breathe, re-approach to stressful situations. This release results in both renewed patience and lessened frustration. Win. F*ckingWin.

Taboo words help us feel bad-ass.

Lately I’ve felt less like a capable adult and more like newborn fawn. Well placed expletives, whether said out loud or inside my head, have aided me in feeling competent and in control (even though I’m aware control is an illusion). Properly used profanities create the sense life is not happening *to* me and serve as a reminder I’m not passive. What to another person may sound vulgar this woman employs as a reminder-to-self she’s powerful, strong and ready seek out new doors.

Studies indicate swearing quite literally makes us stronger. I’ve not experienced that, but I do know I feel far more powerful after a well placed f*ck or three.

Salty selections provide emphasis.

I’ve wondered if people who don’t know me offline imagine I swear like a trucker 24/7. I do not. In fact, if we don’t know each other well or interact in certain types of situations, you might be hard-pressed to envision me uttering any words of the four letter variety.

I use taboo language selectively and never accidentally.

I’ve never uttered an inappropriate expletive and wished I could take it back. When I select the salty language it’s a conscious choice. I think, I choose my words, I speak. Picking profanity is done for emphasis. To highlight delight. To stress frustration. To signify physical or emotional pain.

I use these words judiciously because, as with anything in life, if done too frequently the efficacy diminishes. Too much taboo-speak is akin to repeatedly honking horn or, for those who recall them, car (theft) alarms. When heard too often we begin to not hear them at all.

Cussing offers connection.

Or, more aptly put, I harness taboo words and facilitate others using them with me for connection.

The first time the Child took advantage of time in The Bubble she entered, giggled and shouted: You’re fucking awesome!!

After a full-day of moving and unpacking in the rain she left me a creative, cursing love note on my pillow.

The Child grasps the power of these words. She rarely uses them and only to emphasize positive feelings in the biggest way she knows how. She gets it. In a sense she views these words as our Love Language. Researchers deem this contextually bound swearing etiquette here we refer to it as we Life in the Bubble.

I’m aware many disagree with the way I choose to speak (and mother).

I’m confident there are those who believe profanity indicates a poverty of vocabulary.

(Although reportedly a voluminous taboo lexicon is an indicator of healthy verbal abilities.)

I’m unapologetic about the fact I consciously choose to speak this way and profoundly believe in the power of the profane.

And you?

  • Are you turned off by the taboo or do you choose to employ the expletives in a powerful, personal way?

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Comments

  1. I will admit I do not use these sort of words and had associated them with someone who lacks creativity and word choice or vocabulary. You make a compelling argument even though they are not for me.

  2. There are times when I cuss like a sailor. There are also times when I converse intelligently with well educated people using lots of multi-syllable words.

    The key is to know when it’s appropriate to use salty language. (Driving in the DC area is when my kids learn all the words, sigh.)

  3. I recently saw that there is a new wave of taboo language embroiderers. I fucken love it, and was gifted a framed embroidered image that includes the Deb (from Dexter) phrase “fucking fuck nugget.” Sometimes that release is necessary.

  4. There was this one time recently at a restaurant, I was telling a group of friends a story about a relative of mine and what he said to his wife…and yes it had the F word….I am a bit hard of hearing(ok, a lot) and said this much louder than I should have…and the whole restaurant turned and looked at me…so yeah, I wanted to take that one back….

  5. I am completely turned off by the F word and others like it considered ‘taboo’. To me they are much too aggressive and I feel like I am being assaulted when I hear them. I tend to think the user is either not intelligent enough to find other words or that they are so emotional that they cannot. Either way, I am outa there!

    Actually it makes me kinda sad when I see women I admire using these words. It is getting more and more prevalent and I think it makes them feel tough or badass. I think it makes them look cheap and like they are trying too hard.

  6. Raising 2 boys, I wasn’t innocent to the fact that by age 10 or so they’d be uttering these words with their friends on a regular basis. So at the very youngest of years, I talked to them about “swears”. Including what I called “the mother of all swears”. I never told them not to swear. But I did tell them that using those words all the time lessens their meaning. That those words can be useful for emphasis (like you said). And of course, right place, right time. I don’t think I’ve ever heard them swear–pretty sure they have heard me swear, tho!

  7. I was raised to not swear. I still tend to be bothered by overuse of profanity. Some people seem incapable of uttering a sentence that does not include at least one salty word.
    But, sometimes a well placed swear word can convey a wealth of meaning. And, I cannot honestly claim that I never let one slip out. I think the choosing of when, where, why make a big difference.

  9. Fascinating discussion and timely. This morning I used the F-word in a tweet. I’m so angry at you-know-who. Then in another group I belong to, they started a twitter sign up chain. Should I delete that tweet. I didn’t. I have to be honest about who I am. On my blog, I rarely use the word, in my novel, I use it when I need to. It’s reserved for emphasis. Actually I’m going to search and see how many times I have used it. Overuse can negate effectiveness.

  11. This is such great timing. While away overnight my neighbor texted me to say my boys were just at her house and every other word out of their mouths was f-this and f-that. I was shocked (kind of) and we had a sit down when I got home. My husband is a big proponent of “swears are no big deal and only have the power you give them,” but we also can’t have them dropping f-bombs all over the neighborhood. It’s a balance for sure and I definitely try to swear mostly for emphasis and not around the boys but…

  13. I use the F word a lot, but rarely directed at someone else. So, “WTF” rolls off the tongue, but “F-U” requires serious provocation. My daughter swears a lot and while I don’t like hearing it, I know where she learned it from. My son doesn’t seem to as much ….

  14. There is a time and place for sure. However, if used often and in certain social setting the words get in the way of the message (for me)- I tend to focus on the expletive and lose track of what the person is trying to say. I don’t buy that using the “f” word freely indicates a verbose vocabulary. If one truly is erudite in this area, they wouldn’t need the “f” word.
    My opinion.

  15. I have F-word envy. I know really strong writers/bloggers who can throw it out there with barely a hitch in speech, but I just get all Mary Richards about it.

    I am turned off by its overuse, because it’s got too much muscle to be underused, but that said, the perfect delivery of the f-word is something to behold.

    My kids had the most interesting delivery. Every time they said the f-word in front of me, it came with an apology: “Every time I have to call Comcast, I know I’m going to spend the rest of my f****** (sorry) life on hold.”

  17. I am a proponent of a carefully chosen and delivered expletive when the situation calls for it. At home with just Hubby to hear, I do tend to pepper the conversation with more swearing – it’s kind of like verbal “taking my shoes off”, signifying the end of my work day. But in public or in front of the kids, I’m pretty careful and haven’t had many slips of the tongue so far!

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