Surrendering vs Giving Up.

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In previous episodes we’ve addressed my belief in the importance of quitting.

The Child has been on the receiving end of loving-lectures about the benefits of ending shit which no longer serves us.

Friends, avocations, books I’ve started yet feel meh about– I’m W.C. Fields with regards to all of it.

Now, if I’m completely honest, some of this life-approach was born from being contrarian.

In a world which instructed me Stick with it! If you start something then finish it! I concluded years ago this wont work for me.

Along the same lines as how I don’t respond to certain varieties of encouragement, I decided unless it impacts others (that’s a post for a different day) anything I began was fair game for quitting, too.

As I aged, however, and experienced more of life than planned I learned there’s a difference between giving up (on a person, on a diet) and surrendering (a belief system, a relationship).

To the thesaurus and an outsider they appear the same.

To the head and to the body there exists a profound difference.

Surrender feels like flow.

Surrendering results in a sensation of relief and not failure. Surrendering doesn’t feel like quitting–it feels like gifting myself space. Surrender doesn’t convey as an ugly end, but more resembles hitting pause. Surrender is calm. It means I’ve recognized a situation, even if only temporarily, has me stymied and it’s imperative I halt and reset.

Surrender opens doors. Giving up is the CarlaVersion of a tantrum and nailing those fuckers closed.

Giving up means I’m emotional and pissed. It’s a hard stop in one direction (and not the fun, old-school kind).

Surrender feels like moderation.

At times my life seems crazypants. When I hit pause and choose to be still I’m able to identify what’s caused the crazy. 99% of the time the feeling of chaos has arisen because I’ve allowed myself to be knocked off kilter.

Surrender is acknowledging I’ve done what I can/made all the efforts and it’s time to let go. Surrender, for me, is hope. It’s yielding and not unflagging, intense toiling or focus.

Surrender feels s-l-o-w.

Quitting can be quick. Giving up can occur even more swiftly.
Surrender stems from my cranium.

Surrender is never impulsive. It’s a metaphorical (or if you’re Carla literal) throwing open of one’s arms as a sign to the Universe of readiness for a change in situation. Surrender attracts the new. Surrender is saying YES versus the full-stop NO of  giving up.

Surrender is a decision.

I remind myself daily of the fact inaction is still an active choice. Even though no movement may be readily apparent when I choose to surrender I remain an engaged participant in my life. Surrender is consciously choosing a path.
For me giving up is selecting no path. Giving up is thrusting into reverse and attempting to retrace steps in an effort to find a way out.

Surrender, while to the uninitiated appearing milque toast on the surface, is definitive and decisive.

And you? 

•Have you experienced/pondered the nuanced difference between surrendering and giving up? 

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Comments

  1. “Surrender feels like flow.”
    Carla, I really like that. I have been able to quit a number of things in my life which I don’t think we’re helping me but I think I gave up because it did not feel at all like flow

  2. Yaasssss! There is such a stigma with quitting. But sometimes you do have to walk away, and I love the idea of surrendering vs quitting. Sometimes it’s all about how you phrase it.

  5. I think I have done both over my lifetime…but I like surrender…surrender even sounds better than “giving up”…

  6. Once it occurs to you that people will always see what they want to see, think what they want to think, do what they want to do, you’re free. Allowing yourself to surrender means you value your peace of mind above anyone else’s. As you should.

  8. I agree. Surrender for me is when I know something is out of my control to give up the frustration of being out of my control. Giving up is when I decide that I no longer want to go in a specific direction.

  9. I’m hearing Galaxy Quest in my head right now: “Never give up. Never surrender!”

    But whatever words you use, I agree with the concept 100%. There is a time to stop banging your head against a wall, and we all have to pick our battles.

  10. There comes a time when we have to pause and regroup, and i have to get to that point before i become so tired of it that i quit.

  11. Thought-provoking, as usual. I think of “surrendering” as giving in to something (surrendering to your enemy in war), but you are using it more as letting go I think?

  12. I “surrendered” when I finally kicked my EX out- and it was such a relief. I “surrendered” my caseload of almost 70 students when I retired last year as I just could NOT do it for 42 years…so I “surrendered” at 41. I “surrendered” the hilly, mountain run at the end of an Xterra triathlon so that the race course officials wouldn’t have to be out on the course longer than they had to be…no sense in being DFL when you aren’t prepared. Surrendering has a “new beginning” feel to it. Well, so does quitting I guess….because you can always start something again. So I guess they are more “same” than “different” depending on perspective.

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