Living not blogging: back to the second wave edition.

by

I cant lie. Whether you want it or not, Ill probably be back later to post thoughts, pics and a random blog update on the Tornado’s launch into first grade.

Until then Im off to stretch, fuel-up and prepare for our SECOND WAVE.

Please to suffer my navel gazing enjoy this reflection post. I loved kinder. Im sad it’s over. And yet–Im thoroughly adoring getting to know my girl as she grows up, too.

Life is an enigma.

 

We love our morning bus stop time.

Today it is eight months since the Tornado started the Garten of the Kinder.

Some days it feels as though she’s always been in school, but most days I still miss my sidekick.

I pine (yep. dropping the p-word.) so much I had a fleeting notion we mightcould need more children up in herre.

(Ill let you digest that for a moment)

Beyond the fact Im older than the hills Ill be 43 in three months, I realize it’s HER I miss.

Her spirit. Her spunk. Her attitude.

But I digress.

Seriously.

That’s not what this post is about.

Lets return to the morning bus stop time pictured above.

We. Have. The. Best. Morning. Routine. Ever.

We’re early risers so we’ve plenty of time to do our ‘morning necessities’ and still git our PLAYout on.

We jump rope. We Skip It. We play tag. We play duck duck goose. You get the idea.

By the time the bus arrives it practically feels as though we’ve had an entire day together (we up EARLY).

Because of this, when the Tornado asks as the bus arrives: can you stay for the second wave? I panic a bit in my too-long-to-do-list-must-get-to-work-bus-comes-BACK-at-330p heart.

You see, the second wave requires I stand & wait while the bus loops around, picks up other kids, and when as it passes again Im there.

To wave.

For a second time.

I’m not embarrassed to say (even with my off-track yammerings about missing her) most days my answer is no.

I skip the second wave so I can work.

I pass on the second opportunity to flail my arms to return emails.

I give her a shrug & a sorry so I can begin my writing a mere 5 minutes earlier.

And, each time I tell her NO, she says “OK Mama!” & climbs on the bus.

No whining. No pouting. No glimpse of the two and three year old whose meltdowns very nearly wore me out.

And this made me happy. And proud. And think how amazingly grown-up & mature she’d become.


Until it occurred to me, on the 123rd day of living my priorities, the mom who skipped the second wave was not who I aspired be this year.

Do I really need a five minute head start on work? (No. I fritter away more than that during my day. I can steal the 5 minutes back from somewhere else.)

Is anything I “need” to do during the day more important than stopping, waiting & waving one more time when I know in a few short years she’ll be *begging* me not to do the first wave?

The answer, for me, is a resounding no.

Im aware how fortunate I am to work from home (& if I forget my troll informs me. she be helpful that way).

Im up-at-the-crack working & up late at night writing—yet I have the luxury of being able to live my priorities.

Today DAY TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY NINE (!)** these priorities include staying for the It’s First Grade Time!! second wave.

 

 

 
** One word: DANG.

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Comments

  2. Wave wildly during that second wave!!! Next year she may not think it’s cool!! My daughter is starting preschool this year and it’s awful…I can’t even talk about it without choking up!!

  3. Looking forward to hearing all about her first day of FIRST GRADE!!! Woo!!!

    Love that you stated the second wave tradition. Love it. 🙂

  4. Am keen to hear how she goes with her teacher given that you were a bit concerned….

    I love that you have an entire day together before the actual day starts for most people. (I’m not a morning person!!!)

    Deb

  11. Love this!!!! You stay for that second wave!!! I think family should always be the number one priority and I love that this is always your focus! Life is too short to spend all of our time making work a priority! I am going to make my family my priority today so thank you!

  12. I NEVER thought I’d want to be Mom…until reading your blog. I love how much love you have for each other and hope to imitate that same relationship with a son/daughter of my own some day.

  16. Love this. I’ve had to check myself when I’ve had “second wave” moments, too. I’m ALWAYS so filled with joy once I’ve made the right choice and see those happy smiles. Thanks for sharing!

    Winks & Smiles,
    Wifey

  17. We don’t have the second wave opp, we have a “proverbial second wave” which is my not working while in car line with one while i’m picking up the other, it’s hard to refrain from doing other things full well knowing the time is entirely up once they get in the house, but being present requires me to arrange things so I can sit unfettered and talkabouttheday and getallthescoop and enjoy our quiet. Yes for me they’re second wave moments like Wifey, and they are worth it, all of them.

    ps. I realize the pining on my part is mostly because I miss them too. The little thems. Goodness, it goes fast.

  18. “the second wave” touched my heart more than any other post (maybe ever) … thanks for bringing it back again today … bring it back again sometime soon okay – I imagine I’ll need another reminder

  19. Love this post! I remember when you wrote about that 2nd wave last time around & it really hits home. For those reading, here from an old fogie turning 55 so… I remember the day the youngest grandchild was born & she is now 13 years old!!! It goes by before you know ti & as Carla says & I say & agree – the little things WILL BE THE BIG THINGS later on.. I promise you that!

    Thx Carla & looking forward to hearing about the first day!

  21. I think it’s awesome that you take moments to reflect on your daily actions and not only recognize but choose to make changes in order to better yourself. High five! More people need to be like you.

  22. So glad my daughter got to come to work WITH me when I was at an elementary school Just as I was waving to my dad in the hallways when I attended elementary school.
    Traditions. Good stuff.
    Mine is 25- but when I dream about her, she is always about three or four years old.

  23. Love the whole second wave notion and glad you are living not blogging! I got a whole bunch of practice in Not Blogging this last month and it’s great to have your priorities in place.

  24. I think the second wave is pretty darn cool. Good for you for embracing it.

    My oldest went off to middle school and I came home from (partially) walking him there in tears. It goes SO. FAST. Breaks my heart.

  25. I love that you admit that you watse time — everyone does but most people don’t admit it publicly because, as Brene Brown says, busyness has become the ultimate status symbol.

    Maybe to educate your troll (and the rest of us) you could explain how you work things so you can work from home. I’d be interested to see what a professional writer does to pay the bills.

    • I’d love to know too.
      I’m not judging but jealous.
      How do you make money?
      What does your day look like?

  27. Amen to the 2nd wave! I’ve been assessing my own momma-priorities over here, too. I strive to do better and to be more present with kids. I refuse to be one of those parents that looks back and says, “Where’d the time go? I meant to do so much with them, but now they’re grown.” That won’t be me.

  30. Enjoy her wanting you to be there to wave a second time. It really does go fast. I still can’t believe I watched my 16 year old driving off to school with her sister this morning. Yup, I officially have 2 in high school now. I still can’t believe it…

  31. Sending my baby off to Kinder next Wednesday and can totally relate! I am trying to get in every last hug and cuddle before we all go back to school. Thanks for the great reminder!

  35. DANG is right! Wow! This is the kind of mom I want to be – and I really mean it. I can take the “second wave” analogy into my life too, even without kids; do I really need to be checking twitter during a conversation with my husband (hate to admit it does happen)? Do I need those extra few minutes to get my last reps in when there’s someone in the gym trying to talk with me? What’s more important? Where do my priorities lie?

    Lots of good food for thought. As far as your post goes, I love what you said about the Tornado just saying, “Okay! Bye!” – she is mature! And I love that you miss her spirit and spunk – what a neat relationship. I love these sneak peeks into your life not only b/c it’s interesting but also because I always learn from them; thank you!

  36. I love the second wave so much. I can’t believe that my kiddo is going to be starting Kindergarten soon!! But like Bonnie mentioned above, these two weeks are supposed to be about unplugging and really taking time for the “second wave” in all parts of my life. It’s been hard and I haven’t been super successful so thank you for the reminder. Going to try to be better about embracing it this week.

  37. You bet that when Hannah FINALLY wants to ride the bus (she started Kindergarten this year), I’ll be around for the second wave. I love this, Carla, and I truly adore & admire you as a mother. The beautiful Tornado is a lucky little girl.

  38. I loved each of my children’s years in 1st grade. Something about the burgeoning independence as they have to manage being away from us longer. And they were always so HAPPY to see me at the end of the day!

  40. I finished registering the Captain for preK today. I had a sort of strange and profound sense of both rightness and loss that came along with it. He’s been my little guy for 4 years, and now, for 4 hours a day, he’ll be under someone else’s care. It’s shocking what that ends up meaning to you.

  41. I really need to give a little more of myself for the second wave. Five minutes is five minutes. Thank you for reminding me of my priorities today!

  43. I love the second wave. And I love that you realize how important that is.

    Like you I’m fortunate that I work from home on a flexible schedule. Knowing how fortunate I am, I try to say yes anytime the kids ask me to go on a field trip/attend an event/whatever. I made the career changes that I did for them, so I need to remember to use that time for them.

  45. Carla-this is so great-enjoy every blessed moment. Mine are 10…and almost….14!! I still give big waves and the “I love you”sign every morning. I text my teenager to have a great (gr8) day (in a dorky mom way I am sure!)
    but really…inquiring minds want to know WHAT TIME DO YOU GET UP? xoxo

  46. Great post, Carla – beautiful and movingly written.

    My hope for you is that, in 14 years time you have a 20 year old like mine who gave me the second wave today when I doubled back to exit the parking lot of the transit center where I’d dropped her to catch the train to school. My beautiful girl waved her arm off and I’m not ashamed to say that I cried a little from the sheer happiness of it.

  49. This is great! It’s the little things you do that go a long way. I remember as a kid getting excited when my mom took the time to play a board game with me. Your daughter will always remember that you do this- kids don’t forget =)

  50. ohhhhh that is so stinkin sweet that she wants to see you one last time before she leaves for the day! She loves her momma!! 🙂 That really made my heart happy to read.

  52. My daughter is in pre-school, so our “second wave” is a second kiss each morning. I walk her into her room and give her a kiss on the cheek. Then wait in the doorway while she tells her classmates good morning. Then she runs back for a second kiss goodbye. She think the kiss is for – but truth is that second kiss is more for me.

  53. Oh the story of the second wave just tugged at my heart.

    Life really is about the second wave. Such a beautiful story.

  54. As usual, Carla, your posts are so wonderful to read and you have me hanging on each and every word. The Tornado looks beauuuutiful in that dress and I adore reading about your relationship with her. You are a future Lorelai/Rory pairing (did you watch Gilmore Girls?) if I ever saw one. Keep up the whole being-an-awesome-mom thing, because you’re killin’ it.

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