I don’t believe in willpower.

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People frequently compliment my willpower.

From friends in real life to social media companions I’m consistently on the receiving end of praise regarding my perceived restraint.

Emphasis (italics and more) on perceived.

Most recently I was at a dinner, placed my order (grilled salmon, brown rice, shrimp cocktail, steamed veggies and salad) and the comments began.

You have so much self-control!  I wish I had your willpower! How do you do it??

I responded as I always do:

I possess no willpower.

If it required willpower to live as I do (from wake-up time, to food to fitness) it would be a red flag of sorts for me.

It would be an indication I’m not happy with what I’m doing and no longer bolstered by how it makes me feel.

I have absolutely no ability to consistently  (<—there’s that word again) make myself do ANYTHING I don’t wanna.

The child and I are alike that way.

Doppelgangers in looks & behavior?

Doppelgangers in looks & behavior?

I can muscle my way to making myself do anything short-term, but it wouldn’t be permanent, sustainable change.

Yesterday a new Oakland friend found my blog (!) inquired how I started “being healthy” never slid back into old habits.

I’ve slid.

Initially, I slid pretty often (think Chutes & Ladders and you’ve an inkling.).

I slid because my “change” was sparked by reasons neither real nor lasting (boys, looks, spring break) as a result walking my path was temporary.

Vacation over? Boy’s attention snagged? Interview suit fit for day of interview?  I swiftly returned to old habits and lifestyle changes I’d made vanished.

This yo-yoing of habits happened until being honest with myself was something I recommitted to daily.

  • I got real with myself and uncovered the real reason I was out of shape/overweight.
  • I spent time, did the work and discovered real motivation (more than bikinis & Jewish boys) for carving my healthy living path and remaining on it.

All of these seemingly tiny actions conspired to result in real and lasting change. 

Change demands not willpower but the willingness to do what’s necessary to sustain the lifestyle change I love.

WILLING to do what it takes to keep up with Child & Charming.

 WILLING to do what it takes to keep up with Child & Charming.

Which leads me back to wondering about you.

Which captures your approach to healthy living: willPOWER or WILLINGness to do what life demands?

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Comments

    • I agree with this. I think you need some willpower to start anything and if you fall in love with it, you will naturally continue.

  2. I love this sentiment. Some of my less healthy relatives will make comments on how much willpower I have not to eat fast food…no, I truly don’t want to eat fast food. It’s about the choices we want to make, not those we are “denying” ourselves.

  4. I used to think it was all about willpower, and not surprisingly, that was at the same time I was in the grasp of yo-yo dieting, just like you say.

    For me the key was really tuning into my body and realizing how making healthy choices made me FEEL on an everyday basis. Knowing that lots of veggies and whole grains will give me the energy to keep up with my toddler is more powerful than any dose of willpower.

  6. I needed to read this today as I can relate to muscling throughg things but that never lasts here either.

  9. I’m with you on that one. No willpower here either. All I can do is equip myself with strategies that will increase the likelihood of reaching my goals. For example, I DO NOT buy chocolate ice cream. 🙂

    • Great post, and love your reply, Pamela. I myself has no willpower either, but finding the right “why” makes all the difference I think.

  15. Great timing on this post Carla! Today I wrote about how I need to change my fitness motivation in order to stop kinda-sorta working out. I’m obviously still searching for the right motivation for me as I am still in the willpower not willingness phase. Thanks again for making me think and look deeper within myself. Have a great day!

  16. Sometimes I think this is semantics. I certainly love what you are saying but you know how some people like certain words yet other hate certain words. Like lifestyle – to me there is absolutely nothing wrong with that word but some hate it & it turns them off. Others think willpower is good to them & motivates them & others think it is as you described, sort of a drag on life as it is perceived as having to do it vs, wanting to do it.

    I always would say to myself that yes, I have a lot of willpower but to me willpower is willingness to do what needs to be done to make yourself happy & comfortable with yourself. I am willing to do what I do to be who I am in the health & fitness realm.

    I guess it just comes down to finding what motivates you & the wds that help you along that way.. 🙂

  18. I love this!! I never thought of Willpower as being an indication of not being happy with what you are doing. I love my healthy lifestyle and I don’t consider it “willpower” either. I think once you find your happy medium, you don’t need “willpower”.

  19. I completely agree with this – if it came down to will power I would rarely work out. I love the working out part but the getting up at 5:00 isn’t the same. However, I have made the choice to get up and workout because overall it makes me happy and why do I need to stay up until midnight anyway?!

  20. I think you already know I”m on the same page!!! It was small habits that lead me to overtime have such a wonderful radical shift in my food that now I crave vegetables and get very cranky if I must go without when traveling. I am trying now to remember this as I once again move away from the sugar bowl without force, just ease.

  21. No will power here either. I believe in DAILY RENEWAL and ROUTINES and making good HABITS…. why fight with myself? Support is better.

  22. This morning I roamed the airport looking for a fresh breakfast that was not an over-sized pastry. It wasn’t willpower keeping me from getting one, I just didn’t want it, but years ago I would have wanted one, and eaten one, and felt gross afterwards. I wonder if our diet industry sets us up for failure this way. Convincing us that we need to make drastic changes that it takes willpower (and misery) to get through for “fast results,” when really we to take a more permanent approach?

  23. Letting myself slip is all part of human nature no one’s perfect – but a lifestyle of right choices means that you’ve shifted!

  24. I occasionally get this when I go to a Starbucks or something and ask for no whipped cream and nonfat milk. Every now and then someone tells me I’m being “good.” I actually don’t like whipped cream, and the drinks are too heavy with whole milk. So I’m being “good” by getting what I want.

    Similarly, I LOVE salmon. I love brown rice and steamed vegetables as well. I also like baked chicken breast. What’s “willpower” when I would just be eating something I want anyway?

    But people sort of wink and smile when I say, “No, I really like the coffee better this way,” or “I like salmon.” They give me this face like, “Suuuuuuure you do, honey … ” It’s scary how people simply cannot imagine it.

  25. No willpower. When i get to where i know in my gut that i want to do it, and why, i do it. No willpower needed. Prior to that, willpower won’t work long term.

  26. I agree with this. People say the same thing to me. I think instead of willpower, what I really have is HABITS. Healthy habits that are easy to stick to!

  27. I love this.
    As I am in the middle of changing my lifestyle, slowly and surely, there are days I wake up and I’m like “Lets Do This!” and there are days I wake up and go “WHY!?”

    Maybe I need to re-evaluate the Why. I, like you, have no desire or willpower to do things I do not want to do. So, clearly that’s a sign.

    Once again you’ve given me much to think about and I thank you.

  28. Ahhhh I love this. It’s willpower that gets you started but willingness that keeps you going! I’ve figured that one out on the exercise side, but I still have yet to figure this out on the eating…

  29. Great attitude! most people that possess this kind of mind-set are in it for the long haul. You look great too by the way – it’s inspiring to hear you love what you do and it doesn’t take you any will-power to do it 🙂

  30. The shrimp cocktail would have been too much for me, lol!

    I’m good with your perspective because you make the transition from words to action very well!

  31. I love this so much!!!! People say the same thing to me all the time. It’s NOT about willpower, though. For ME, it’s about outcome – do I want to feel miserable day-in and day-out and have to go on medication or do I want to create and enjoy what I am able to have and live vibrantly?! We all have choices. Our choices, not willpower or lacktheof make us.

  35. To be honest, I REALLY DO believe in Willpower! My willpower is my saving grace!!!! Without it I will be a SLUTTY 400 pound Gorilla at the zoo… Seriously. BAH HA HAH A!

  37. I just do what I love and love what I do -and keep seeking the mystery instead of answers. Much more interesting way to lead ones’ life. (And eat to fuel most of the time, but don’t deny myself fun and tasty food/drink!)

  38. Every day we have the chance to make the choices that will guide our life. For those who fall into the mindset of NEEDING to lose weight, HATING to exercise, HAVING to give up the things they love, it will always be about Willpower. For those of us who have made the choice to LOVE to move, ENJOYING the food that fuels us, and RELISHING the way our body works, it becomes Willingness. Thank goodness, because I’d hate to spend my life willing myself not to eat the food I wanted or forcing myself to move!

  39. I’m struggling finding that factor that motivates me behind the “right now.” Your “beginning” is where I am at now.

    • and the key to my long success (not amazing but sustained) truly is baby steps…tiny steps… small steps each day.
      doing what I can when I can and knowing thats enough…

  41. I started the journey not really believing I would stick with it. But the more I DID stick with it, the easier it became to continue. Three years later, I was down 145.5 lbs of excess weight. 🙂

  42. When I think of you, I think of consistently doing the right things for your body. I think people don’t realize how far consistency will get you… But, really, they just have to look at you! 🙂

    I eat the right things and exercise because it makes me feel good and it gives me energy to run after (with) the kid. I’m not willing to make myself feel miserable (and much older) again. That’s why I do what I do pretty consistently… 🙂

  43. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about habits and willpower and change. And this –> “Change demands not willpower but the willingness to do what’s necessary to sustain the lifestyle change I love” really nails it for me.

  44. I think it is hard in the begining because you don’t yet have the benefits of Feeling better from the good choices. I think I need will power to do what I need to do to get to the point where I feel, see, experience the benefits of my healthier lifestyle. Those benefits will then help me want to have healthier foods instead of junk. Right now I am at the phase where I still want the junk, have willpower to resist sometime and backslide other times. It is good to hear that you backslide at times in your
    journey as well.

  45. I think this is such a great wake-up call, not only in the fitness area of life but in all things: finance, relationships, etc. If you’re not happy with something, you won’t stick with it, and you probably need to make some changes or else change your reasons for doing whatever it is you’re trying to do so that the habit will stick!

  46. I believe that we need willpower especially if we do something unusual. For example, if we want to lose weight then I believe we really need a willpower to do some exercises (simple or hard) in order to achieve our target which is to lose weight.

  47. Beautifully said! And you’re so right. When the changes we make help us feel so good, it’s not as tough to stick with the path. Thanks for the motivation I needed.

    Happy Sharefest!

  48. This post is really interesting and I agree wholeheartedly with what you are saying. Willpower is such a temporary emotion, feeling, action, whatever you want to call it.

    Meanwhile, the affirmative decision to make a permanent change is one that possesses much greater permanent and long-lasting effects.

  49. I love trying something new and after hard work and practise been.able to do it.
    There is no comfort then that, and familiarity with the same thing…but when I try something new and soon accomplish it I feel so very proud,…

  50. I believe that will power has it’s place in everything. In life we must be willing to achieve certain things and this begins with willpower!

  51. Hi Carla,

    Enjoyed the post (notwithstanding the name of our company!)

    You make an important point. Most people define willpower as the ability to stop themselves from doing things they enjoy. I agree that leads nowhere, and is frustrating beyond belief.

    You may not have ‘willpower’ by your definition, but based on what I read from your site, you definitely have control over your choices. At some point you made a big choice about what you wanted, and continue to make small choices every day that lead in that direction.

    We try to teach from a similar angle. Our definition of Willpower is the ability to make thoughtful choices, but in order to do that consistently you have to –

    1) agree it’s your choice to make,
    2) slowly learn to take some of the emotion out of those choices so you can actually remember your goals during stressful times, and
    3) lengthen your time horizon so if you stumble it’s not the end of the world.

    Keep posting – you have a new reader! Thanks, Travis

Trackbacks

  1. […] feel this way. I wish that I could just enjoy my damn self. I wish that I could just say screw willpower and really mean it. My time will come when I truly accept my body for the way it is and what it can […]

  4. […] I don’t believe in willpower via Carla Birnberg because if we’re being honest, I read this while I was eating a cookie and it made me reconsider my eating choices of the last couple weeks. […]

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