Consciously uncouple with me?

by

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Moulan & Ken shall NEVER uncouple.

Disclaimer: This post was inspired by the blogger: Beginning Anew.

We’ve previously established I’m *all* about this quote:

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It just makes sense.

All we can do is what we can do so that’s PRECISELY the action we should take and do (do be do be doooo).

It’s the message behind the hashtag wycwyc.

Wick Wick (as the child and I say it) is now the backdrop to my days.

A mantra for my mind.

The perfect way to remind myself  more than even being a work in progress—- I am already enough.

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One woman, however, appears to believe neither she nor I are enough as we are (unless ‘as we are’ is religiously reading her newsletter & purchasing her overpriced offerings):

Gwyneth.

G and I have seemingly nothing in common —-methinks she’d be horrified by the self-acceptance #wycwyc encourages—-and I’ll admit I joined the legions who mocked the term she used with regards to her divorce:

conscious uncoupling.

It rang pretentious.

It sounded ludicrous.

It sparked my eyes to roll.

I’ll also admit–months later–it occurred to me *uncoupling* may  be what I need.

Uncoupling could be a way to become LIFE-unstuck.

I was aware inaction was still making a choice, but decided conscious uncoupling might be an action-filled choice which would better serve me.

Screen shot 2014-06-12 at 4.44.52 AM(who knew The Schumer was so insightful?)

As a result, I’ve decided to consciously uncouple—#wycwyc-style— from a few things & for the short-term .

I’m uncoupling:

  • From living *in* the margins.  For a while this felt GREAT because I was thrilled I’d left myself margins.  And then it felt not-so-great.  It felt like running on fumes versus having a cushion.  I’m uncoupling because I’ve learned there’s a difference.
  • From being a first responder.  I’m a quick response.  Email. Text. Facebook. Phone.  Everything.  I recently gifted myself a day of *not* responding immediately—and it rocked. It felt decadent.  I realized when it’s urgent people will say and my true friends are glad to see I’m a little unplugged/MIA.

 I’m consciously uncoupling for the summer.

No one is more surprised than I by the fact I’m now drawn to Gwyneth’s words.

For me they create a gentle separation (where returning is an option. we all know I’m not Diet Coke uncoupling forever.) and adjustments may come—but it’s movement.

It’s action.

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A conscious choice to move and confront fear.

And you?

Will you join me?

  • From food stuffs to fitness trends what might YOU consciously uncouple with for the summer?

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Comments

  2. Interesting point.
    I might need to consciously uncouple from saying: “I should have planned camps this summer.” just like your sad.

  3. I’m a planner and need to know what the family is doing, all the time. It’s stressful. I’m going to uncouple from being the “traffic controller” of the family. Whatever happens, happens. No one will get hurt if dinner isn’t planned to the minute 😉

  4. I like this is short term, Carla.
    I need to uncouple from fro yo (don’t laugh!!!!) I can for just the summer.

  5. You are so good at being in tune with yourself and knowing “what you need when you need it.”

    My goal for this summer is to uncouple more from social media and live, live, live with my kids while they are home. My son will be off to college in five short years. I’m not missing that time!

  11. It is like you are living in my head!!! I will uncouple from everything being planned perfectly perfect….and from frowning at my reflection!

  13. Oh yes…Like you, I rolled my eyes hard enough to sprain them when I saw the Gwyneth quote…

    But I love what you are saying here. I need to think about this. I need to pick a few things and consciously uncouple from them. Pretty sure the first thing that came to mind and caused a moment of OH NO..NOT THAT…is one I should strongly consider.

  15. Gosh, how this resonates with me at the moment. I’ve been forced to re-evaluate a lot of the things I’ve been doing, recently, and I’ve found that there are a lot of things dragging me down. This summer has become a time of enormous C.U. for me, as a result, and I think it’s going to be the best thing that could have happened.

    I’m focusing on dietary and movement changes right now, but also things like not responding to work emails when I’m not at work, stopping to think before I agree to do things so that I can make sure they’re beneficial to me and not something that will increase my stress. It’s a bit sad that it’s taken a health issue to make me do this, but I think ultimately it’s something for which I’ll be thankful.

    Great post, and I love that you commandeered what was rather a silly term and made it powerful. 🙂

  16. and kinda laughing at least one person thought this was going to be about my marriage (?).
    not only did that not occur to me (all sparked by the bloggerlink at the top) Id NOT announce my marriage uncoupling on social media this way 🙂

  17. Hmm. I am trying to uncouple from that which keeps me from coupling with my husband, thus I will join the throng of those uncoupling from too much social media.

  23. I consciously uncoupled from diet soda and artificial sugars on 1/1/13 and couldn’t be happier, or healthier, for it. For the summer, I’m still working like mad, but since my son isn’t playing baseball this summer for the first time in 6 years, I’m able to be much more spontaneous. My philosophy is that work will always be there, but my kids will not. Summer is just an opportunity to live that priority more fiercely.

  24. I’ve been making a lot of adjustments lately also, Carla!

    Stopped drinking diet coke over 6 months ago 🙂

    It’s all good!

  25. i’m consciously uncoupling from the idea that i have to work long hours to be successful. (well, that and impulse shopping.)

  27. This is so liberating. A few months ago, I took my email off my smart phone. If it was an emergency, someone would actually call, right?! It’s been great! I’ve been checking it once per day.

  28. social. FREAKING. media

    plan is to LIVE this summer and schedule blog time to an hour….MAX two hours a day…right in the morning when I’m eating breakfast/waking up. THEN it’s on like donkey kong and all about experiences and being outdoors.

  31. I’m in!!!
    I feel like I need to start small so I’m going to go the first responder thing on the personal side (I’m not ready to step back on the business aspect yet). I think I will also go with candy – I have gone overboard on the junk the past 2 months – I went from rarely eating candy to having it daily!

  34. From being a first responder…I like disconnecting and not responding to texts and emails and social media demands…it is HARD as heck, but when you do it feels GOOD! My goal for the summer is for one day on the weekend, to just not respond. Totally doable!

  35. Love this although I feel like lately I’ve been unconsciously uncoupling from a lot of different things! I’ve been embracing the #wycwyc these past few weeks but it’s hard. It’s hard not to do everything and try to do it perfectly. I’d like to uncouple from work for a bit and just sit still and be for the summer!

  36. Great idea! I have been pulling back from social media and trading that time for being more active. Spending more time outside unplugged but more engaged in my own life instead of reading or responding to someone else’s.

  38. Dang-it woman! I shall not uncoupleth with any certain foodstuffs for the summer. This is my stomach’s busy season –digesting all the tastiest summer treats ‘n stuff.

  39. I would definitely benefit from uncoupling from my (misguided) duty to make sure all around me are happy and getting along. I’ve found myself starting to make comments about someone else’s feelings/motivation before I catch myself and give me a mental wrist-slapping. I will work on using my energy to “make more space in my life for happy” (LOVED that!), and allowing the other people in my life to connect with each other without my “help”. Thanks again, for the food for musing, Carla 🙂

    • p.s. – It never even occured to me that your blog today would be about your marriage!

  40. Well… even though I am here late, I am trying to not go back & feel like I have to read all the posts I have missed when I can’t be at the computer. I come home to pages & pages of emails & in the past felt like I had to go back & read & respond or tweet… now, I just pick & chose.. delete some, maybe read some but no response or tweet only.. or sometimes just delete cause I know it stresses me to much to try to keep up.

    I have tried to be supportive of the whole blog world for a long time but I need to take care of home right now which means less helping of others as much as I dislike typing that cause I want to help. I know you get that.

    As for SAD.. for me, I read too much on social media about just be happy or it will be better & all that – I post too but for me, the reality is I need to feel what I am feeling to understand it, deal with it & move on so if I am sad or depressed or angry – I let myself feel it… I am kinda tired of the IG posts telling me not to feel that.. I am guilty too BUT I have started to preface mine with you have the right to feel.. 🙂

  41. very insightful post…wasn’t sure what to expect at first (and surprised to find that Ms. Gwenyth actually has something useful for us to ponder-sorry I’m not a Gwenyth fan)…

    any who…uncoupling…what can I uncouple from this summer…this might be harder for me than I thought. My first instinct was/is to “uncouple” from some of my volunteering requests…there is an organization I volunteer for that in the beginning I was “all in”. Anytime they needed help I said yes. Years have passed and while it’s a great organization my heart just isn’t there. Poor management style (IMO) and where the money goes doesn’t touch my heart like a animal rescue or cancer charity would. But I’ve met some great folks that I wouldn’t have time to see if I stop volunteering with them…

    I would like to embrace “uncoupling” in regards to my pathetic need to answer text messages, social media posts, and emails “right this second”. Granted I’ve gotten better with this in the last few months but I really need to learn to unplug more often (and not just at bedtime!)

  42. oh…the list is too long! Can I choose blogging? and social media. And most definitely from the other adult person in my house. One can dream, right?? 😉

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