My thank you note commitment.

by

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we give what we want to receive (7.18.12)

My child has everything.

She has necessities covered with enough leftover to pay “rent” and help others.

In addition, she’s not a child who possesses a running mental (or Amazon Wish) list of what she longs to own.

Sure, she likes her some Press-Ons.

*Yes* she’ll happily accept gifts of anything gymnastics-related.

For the most part, however, she doesn’t prioritize material stuff.

(and, even though she’d love one more of this non-material item, there’s no second puppy in her future.)

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one child + one dog = done.

Each year for her birthday/Hanukkah (around the same time) I struggle to come up with ideas for presents.

I want to gift something meaningful. I aspire to create something memorable. Invariably I fall back on the small or experiential.

The dichotomy here is she’s a child who ‘wants’ nothing, yet as I’ve watched her mature it’s apparent her love-language is receiving gifts.

Further complicating matters for this non-artistic Mama, these tokens are more highly valued if they’re of the homemade variety.

Notes I tuck in lunches are more treasured, for example, than gifts of American Girl doll accessories or graphic novels.

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she gives what she wants to receive (2.11.14)

As a result, immediately after the previous year’s celebration ends, I begin pondering next year’s gift.

A way to make something she’ll adore in the moment and, hopefully, save for when she’s older, too.

The point of today’s post (as I wind my way here in a circuitous fashion) is to share an idea.

Something about which I’m so excited I’m convinced (ala this and this) you must join me/do for a loved one in your life, too.

Here’s the plan.

Purchase cookie jar.

(I went this route. Your gift-receiver may be of the more traditional variety.)

day of the dead cookie jar

Brainstorm theme.

The subject I’ve chosen for my missives is Thank you for all you’ve taught me.

I’ve already filled journals with stories about her childhood antics.

I have notebooks scrawled with life-wisdoms in case something unforeseen happens and I don’t have time to pass my thoughts on.

I considered the fact she defines herself as nurturer and teacher and concluded I wanted my gift to reflect that.

rain

Jot. Type. Print. 

As I go through my days I record all my thank you thoughts in a notebook. At the end of each week I type, print and tuck my musings inside the jar.

It’s occurred to me I could laminate my missives. It’s also occurred to me that will probably never happen (I like to set myself up for success).

And that’s it.

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cramming cranium with memories.

As I’ve shared my plan/process with friends it’s sparked conversations around love languages and the challenge of gifting what we might not desire to receive.

From acts of service to words of affirmation I’ve realized (finally) reflecting someone’s language back to her makes a powerful & positive difference in the way the relationship dynamic unfolds.

When a person receives love in a way she needs, even if it’s not a fashion which would elicit in us feelings of being treasured/valued, she feels heard and understood.

(See? Old school blogging. I’d planned to share my idea and detoured into love language preaching.)

And now that’s *really* it.

  • love language examined.
  • cookie jar crammed.
  • awareness I’ll never laminate.
  • 10 months until holy shit she’s a TEEN Day.

And you?

  • When was the last time you made/gave a homemade gift?
  • Have you considered Love Languages of special people in your life?

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Comments

  2. This may be the single best idea ever. I absolutely love it and may need to do a few jars since I cannot think of a better gift to give someone. I’m thinking I may never get to the “type and print out” part but I have really neat handwriting 🙂

  5. What an awesome and thoughtful gift! I have 2 kids who would love/appreciate/cherish it and one who would smash it on the floor – bwahahah. How can they all be so different

  6. My Mom always asks me to bake cookies for her gifts. My daughter made us all gifts this year at an art studio place and we loved them.

  7. I just started a gratitude jar this year – I’m aiming to do one note a week – I tried doing more and failed to remember – so one note with a few dot points each week seems do-able. I like how you’ve tied yours into love languages.

  8. This is an amazing idea. I’m thinking about all the cookie jars I can buy. I did something similar for my husband years ago…time to revisit and revise. Thank you, Carla. You are always very comforting to me and I appreciate that so very much.

  9. Just lovely Carla. Since I love to bake, I always give fresh baked gifts from my kitchen. And every year I make my doctor a huge pot of healthy homemade soup. He loves it!

  10. My soon-to-be 16-year-old suffers from social anxiety and depression. She also loves butterflies. One rainy day, I drove out to the craft store and Target and bought some supplies. I came home and made her a jar full of positive messages. It’s covered with butterflies and is filled with green slips of paper, to match the colors in her room. On each slip, I wrote something positive about her – she makes me laugh, she’s a creative writer, she’s a great problem solver, she remained calm in a stressful & dangerous situation, etc. I purposely avoided complimenting her appearance. She’s beautiful, but I don’t want that to be all she sees in herself. I snuck it into her room while she was in the shower and she was so happy with it she nearly cried. I’m not sure if she’s read them all yet, but I gave her a stack of the paper I used, hoping she will use it for herself.

  11. You are so creative and thoughtful. This is a great idea. I make tooth fairy pillows and sold them at a craft a few craft fairs this season. After the first one I saw how these little pillows could be used for more than the tooth fairy but for positive messages and rewards all year long. Positive Power Pillows.

  13. Yes! This is awesome! I have heard my daughter thanking me lately for simple things, like cooking dinner or picking up something she needs. I laugh it off most of the time. Even though She’s 20, im her mom and will always do for her. But I realized that I always say thank you to her for whatever she does. I’ve always done it.
    I love the idea of writing it down as a thank you. I think she’ll love it??

  14. This is such a sweet idea. I’m trying to figure out a way to incorporate this for my grown daughter. I remember going away on a trip when she was little for a week and when I got to my destination I found a letter for every single day I was to be gone. It was the highlight of the week taking those little notes out each day encouraging me or even making fun of me. I will always remember how that made me feel.

  15. What a beautiful and thoughtful idea. I used to get offended when gifts I gave seemed to miss the mark. Taking into account the recipient’s love language was a game changer.

  16. All children need to hear that they are loved. More important than any gift. I love NOTES IN THE LUNCH. I did that for my children during Advent as they waited for the PRESENTS of Christmas. But the important thing was for them to know how lOVED they are.

  17. I always make home made gifts for those I love- for my daughter’s graduation from college I scanned all her childhood, high school and college art, printed them up on material and made her a quilt out of her very own first scribbles and on up. It was appreciated fully. I am currently working on headbands for workouts/walks/just because for a couple good friends’ b’days. The best presents are not bought.

  18. I need to re-read the love languages book. My younger son is definitely a “receiving gifts” person, but my husband and older son are not. I’m definitely an “acts of service” person. Going to have to ruminate on this more…

  19. Wow! This is an amazing idea. I always struggle what to give my now young adult kids and this definitely sparks some ideas. Several years ago I gave my parents each a list I’d written of good memories I had with each of them and it was their Mother’s/Father’s Day gift. I need to revisit this idea for my kids.

  20. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this idea! She will treasure this gift forever! My mom has dementia, and I cherish all the notes she wrote me prior to her dementia. Reading them make me feel better, and remember us in our good times together.

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