I rock the boundaries like a motherfucker.
Still, even though parameter-setting verges on reflexive for me, it’s hard.
Recently I drew boundaries with a loved one which felt excruciatingly challenging.
I wimped out a conversation (although I emailed–didn’t text) and instead shared a smattering of words which left me feeling off-kilter immediately after I hit SEND.
Words which, to my mind, prioritized me.
Words which prioritized loving/respecting myself over the risk I was taking around hurting or disappointing my friend.
I knew he meant well.
Regardless, it was time to whip out the Sharpie and recreate lines which had blurred over time.
Protect my emotional space.
‘Emotional protection’ has not always been a necessity for me. A few years ago, in fact, I might not have been able to conceptualize what those words meant #NoBreneBrownAmI
Flash forward to this season of life.
Flash forward to more often than not my existing in a space verging on delicate.
Not only am I incapable of pouring from an empty pot–these days the pot exists as ‘bone dry.’
It was incumbent upon me to re-establish boundaries with my friend not because I didn’t adore him, but because I loved myself more.
Place my needs first.
That oxygen mask.
That now trite empty-pot-pouring.
Both metaphors are overused precisely because they are true.
Possessing clear boundaries facilitates consistently placing ourselves first.
Having immutable boundaries serves as framework to keep us on track, prioritize our needs and only after all that turn our brain space to others.
Teach people how to treat me.
Reader: Are we back here again?
Narrator: Yes. Yes we are.
When we maintain clear personal boundaries verbal and non-verbal interactions consistently teach others how we wish to be treated.
I’d backslid my borders.
And, even though I owned I’d played a part in creating the situation, without re-implementation of a framework I’d never receive the treatment I knew I deserved.
It was necessary for me to revisit what I wanted, write that stuff down, and consciously make my actions match my mindset.
It was time to practice what I longed to preach.
boundaries = self-love
This. Shit. Is. Hard.
It’s challenging to initially create personal boundaries; it can feel like a Herculean task to go back and implement after the fact.
This. Shit. Is. Worth. It.
So worth it.
There exist myriad paths to healthy relationships, yet one fact remains true: each is bordered by firm and immutable personal boundaries.
- Have you ever struggled to set and maintain personal boundaries?