The other night as I snacked and skimmed through the Book of the Face I stumbled upon photos of friends out for a night on the town.
Instead of feeling a pang of Why wasn’t I invited? I found myself scrutinizing the images, registering fun being had and noting how amazingly comfy I felt in my PJs/happily ensconced on the couch.
Nope. Never. Not here.
In that moment I concluded not only did I rarely fear missing out on social interaction when contentedly living my life (FOMO), I veered an entirely different emotional direction.
A feeling I immediately acronym’ized (& in editing learned Anil Dash had too with different letters. because dammit there’s nothing new under the sun) and deemed HOMO.
Happiness Over Missing Out.
The feeling of calmhappy one gets knowing others are out doing what they want to be doing and experiencing something you might have enjoyed had you’d gone/been invited but you didn’t/weren’t and that’s quite OK, too (as, apparently, are run-on definition sentences).
HOMO reigns supreme in my second life.
When I bump into friends and they regale me with tales of trips taken or late nights out with wingwomen HOMO is my immediate reaction.
Is this a healthy thing?
I do know HOMO meshes with my ‘living without regret’ lifestyle and fits my time is our most precious resource belief system.
Still, I’m uncertain if joy over being excluded (which this tends toward) is a good thing.
However, as with all stuffs in my life these days, I’m meeting myself where I am and treating myself with kindness.
If this gentle-to-me approach to life means I gift myself a year of HOMO–so be it.
HOMO is daydreaming.
When we constantly chase the go go go of the social-world we invariably lose our ability to fantasize/consider possibilities of the future.
When we distract ourselves from daydreaming around the potentials of what might be and immerse too deeply in the minutia of the present moment it hinders us from growth.
HOMO is daydreaming. It’s freeing our minds while concurrently controlling/directing our ‘future thoughts.’ As a result, we emerge feeling optimistic and rejuvenated.
HOMO is allowing myself to be bored.
…and sitting in the scared which can accompany stillness.
For me chasing interactions/feeling FOMO is an antidote to boredom. A distraction.
In addition, unless it’s an experience I truly desire and time with people I value, FOMO distances me from my feelings.
HOMO can be a scary companion when we choose to slow down and allow boredom to set in. Yet relinquishing control over situations (no people. no plans.) and settling into the ensuing silence provides valuable insight into who we really are and what drives us.
HOMO is check-ins with my social self.
I’ve heard the term loneliness described as social pain.
I’m aware I may be attempting to cocoon through HOMO and too much of anything, including solitude, isn’t good.
Saying NO can be empowering in the same way drawing margins feels confident and decisive. At some point, however, declining too many invitations sparks the invites to end.
HOMO serves as a check-in with the extrovert part of my personality.
Time with friends, especially now, offers me opportunity to connect in novel ways and solidify my new identity.
HOMO is consciously choosing to live in a manner which energizes and not depletes. It’s honoring my feelings of relief in not having to don a mask, venture into the world, and pretend I’m more OK than I really am.
HOMO isn’t simply finding happiness in not being included, it’s taking the temperature of my social self and adjusting my life accordingly.
At its essence HOMO is a digital and offline detox of sorts and whether it works or sabotages remains to be seen.
- As you go through your days are you more FOMO or HOMO?
- Are you afraid of missing out or do you feel a hit of the happy when not included?
Bea saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 4:50 am
I still worry about being left out. I think it’s the old high school girl inside of me LOL
Allie saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 5:24 am
I am HOMO all the way!! I am on the go so much that I really value time alone or with my husband doing absolutely nothing. If we can sit on the couch or talk in front of a fire instead of getting dressed up, getting a sitter and going on for a long night – I will take the PJ relaxing most of the time. It’s good to have a choice but I rarely regret a night IN.
jennifer saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 5:48 am
This is me when I am actually invited to things (way less often than not) . . “I wanna go, I wanna go, I wanna go . . . .<> errr, I don’t wanna go” But then I’m an outgoing introvert, as I suspect you are.
Coco saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 5:49 am
I’d rather be invited and politely decline. Or at least acknowledged along the line of, we’d ask you to join us, but we know you ‘d probably decline.
Leanne | www.crestingthehill.com.au saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 7:25 am
I’m very much a HOMO – it might mean that I’m not jetting around the world, or being invited to the opening of an envelope……but what it does mean is that I’m content and I’m living within my means, and I have time for who and what is important in life. I feel overwhelmed when I see how busy some people are – sooooo not envious!
michelle poston combs saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 7:35 am
I LOVE missing out. Haha
Teri saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 7:38 am
I love HOMO!!!! Such an insightful and wise post. I’m so excited and thrilled to share!
Cherylann saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 8:32 am
Have never even thought about it…comfortable with myself for hours and maybe days, and enjoy the company of a select few when the occasion calls for company. Ebb and flow and just living and doing what I am meant to…I DO know that I avoid New Year’s and holiday parties and am glad I don’t have to pretend anymore that I am having a good time.
Donna saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 8:33 am
It’s not missing out if I didn’t want to go. I’ve become a real HOMObody, and it’s fine with me. Nothing like going to bed at 8:30 with a book and waking up before the sun and ready to kick ass.
Haralee saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 9:23 am
I embrace your def of HOMO. I do not suffer FOMO. Yes it is true that invitations may stop the more you say no, that has happened to me but still pick and choose. This Christmas I went to a party from a friend who entertains a lot. First time in years and because I was not a regular, I was a celebrity of sorts. People were making their way to talk with me because they had heard about me over the years from my friend. Who knew HOMO could lead to fame. It was fun but now I am good for another couple of years!
Wendy saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 9:44 am
Team HOMO! I find my time with friends to be fun, obviously, but sometimes a gal just needs to be at home on the couch with her dog.
Rena saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 1:25 pm
I think I’ve taken it to the extreme. I’ve completely isolated myself from my disability, caregiving and work that even when given the chance to go out and mingle I just don’t want to. My husband and I have always been that couple that gets invited but would rather spend what time we have together. A lot of it is my anxiety, but I haven’t found any solutions yet.
Laurie Stone saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 3:46 pm
I’m totally with you. I think as writers we tend to be more introverted by nature. Usually when I’m out to dinner and everyone’s just getting revved as the second hour comes to an end, I wish I were home. Its never the opposite.
messymimi saysFebruary 12, 2018 at 5:41 pm
There’s too much going on for me to fear missing out. Sometimes there are things i almost wish i could skip!
Anil saysFebruary 13, 2018 at 4:01 am
It’s a good experience in this field. Thanks for sharing with us.
Marcia saysFebruary 13, 2018 at 7:50 am
I’m rarely, if ever FOMO. I feel like where I am is the perfect place to be. I value solitude, maybe too much, but it works for me.