I rock at saying no and have for a long, long time.
For such a long while I can barely remember when I struggled to put myself first and say the word.
I was fortunate to realize early in life a misplaced yes didn’t benefit anyone.
It was a disservice to the other person(s) and it smeared my margins.
The latter, the margin blurring, always resulted in a grumpy, resentful Carla.
No one enjoys Grumpy Carla.
Speaking of Grumpy Carla No One Likes, with a dearth of stuffs to watch at the end of summer I grew
I’d run out. I’d watched everything.
Enter Grey’s Anatomy.
A show I’d watched (and abandoned) years ago and one with which a friend was newly enamored.
Enter Carla marathon’ing Grey’s.
Enter season 3.
Enter ham versus eggs metaphor.
Enter Carla unable to resist beating said commitment-metaphor to death.
many of us eat we all know pigs and chickens are used both for food.
A pig sacrifices entirely when it offers up ham; the pig is wholly committed.
A chicken, however, merely plops egg-on-plate; the chicken is involved not 100% to the
death end committed.
Hence the question (in episode and now in domicile):
Are you committed or just involved? Are you ham or eggs?
For me hearing this metaphor on the show was an ah ha! moment of sorts.
It had already occurred to me I might be a tad too good at saying NO! and drawing boundaries of self-care. I’d considered the fact, in my haste, I might potentially miss out on something I’d enjoy.
A full yes or a full-stop no.
I believe it was Brene Brown who taught a tribe of women the idea of If it isn’t a hell YES then it’s a hell NO!
This line never resonated with me yet I’d presumed the reason was a simple as I was already a prolific NO proffer’er.
Hearing the metaphor of Are you ham or are you eggs? made me realize my NO’ability was not the reason Brown’s approach didn’t fit.
When I sit with an opportunity, thoroughly examine options/outcomes before me, the conclusion to which I arrive is frequently more nuanced than Brown intimates.
For me, unlike Brown’s teachings, my answer is often not a hell yes!! but a heck yeah.
A soft yes.
I want to be the eggs. I choose to be the eggs.
An I’m definitely interested, yet would prefer to be a participant/follower in this experience not a leader/organizer.
An I like you. I’m not all in, but that could happen over time. I’m involved. I’m not to commitment yet.
Since watching the episode I’ve harnessed the power of the metaphor as a barometer for choices in my life.
It’s provided needed gradation/space where decisions and relationships are not Brene black or white.
It’s afforded me opportunity to live in the shades of grey (pun intended) where it’s a conscious choice between commitment or involvement.
And, as with all newly acquired life-tools, I’ve taught it to the Child.
Ham or eggs? has slid into our shared language as a way for her to gauge her interest in something/someone in a novel (and secret communication) way.
Are you ALL IN like the pig? Or just a bit involved like the chicken?
At 47 I’ve gained needed perspective into the fact my abundant NO NO NO! could be cutting me off from opportunities to “be the eggs” even if I’m a hell NO! for the ham.
- Have you heard the metaphor before? Has it aided you in making life-decisions?
- Are you a Brene Brown believer in If it’s not a HELL YES then it’s a HELL NO!